How long should I wait to have sex?

[Hipnawtic]

I never at any moment was conciously thinking that I was giving him a test of any kind, but yeah, if he took it that way then OK, and maybe he was giving me a test, I guess I failed, lol. Well like you said, he was also giving ME a test, but I'm not that gamey, I was just being honest.

 

If a guy withdrew from me at the "last possible moment" from sex, then I would ask him what's up, and if he said he was not comfortable yet, then I'd wonder a) because guys rarely do that, guys are usually the one trying for it (isn't it in their "nature"?), but b) I'd ask him why he wasn't comfortable, and instead of thinking it was a game, I'd try to accept what he said at face value, and more than anything, I think I'd want him to be comfortable first.

 

I was never trying to blackmail him! I don't do that. In fact, part of the reason I haven't agreed to be exclusive w/him is because I am slightly talking to someone else and that's all, and I told him that! He even offered to be in an exclusive relationship after I said that I couldn't have sex unless in an exclusive relationship, and I said no still b/c I'm not even totally ready for that! I'm still feeling this guy out, and he should know that b/c I've been clear that I'm getting to know him!

 

I know he is not a major player for sure. I could see and feel his dissappointment and inexperience, and that's OK, I just have to tell him my thoughts and be clear on where I stand. I've tried to be clear on that. Anyway, it wasn't just a "blackmail" repsonse that I gave him, I elaborated on my position and was clear. I think it's up to him now. No?

[bridget_jones]

A relationship is much more fulfilling if you wait to have intimate relationship with him. That's a fact. If you have sex with a man too soon, he loses a part of what he was interested in you for, it's gone, and that original 'spark' he had for you is difficult to get back. If you read Greg Behrendt's book He's Just Not That Into You, written by a guy, he states that couples should wait for at least 2 months, and often if you have sex before that, the guy more quickly becomes 'not that into you' because a relationship bond hasn't formed.. He met his wife and he was absolutely crazy about her and he didn't want to have sex with her until they had developed a respectful, emotionally bonded relationship with each other.

I have nothing against people who sleep with a guy on the first date, it's not a "moral" issue, it's just that they are cheating themselves out of a true bond of emotions and love if they sleep with a guy too soon. As Letter-to-Elise said, many times it does NOT work out when you sleep with a guy right away, but she is OK with that. Unfortunately she is missing out on what a true relationship with an emotional bond and is sabotaging that time after time when she has sex so soon into the "relationship" because after you sleep with a guy too soon, the relationship often becomes more focused on sex, and there is no real attraction to the other person further developing because it's now about sex. When you wait, you are giving yourself and the man a gift of a true, loving, emotional bond and you know he's going to call the next day.

[Hipnawtic]

A relationship is much more fulfilling if you wait to have intimate relationship with him. That's a fact. If you have sex with a man too soon, he loses a part of what he was interested in you for, it's gone, and that original 'spark' he had for you is difficult to get back. If you read Greg Behrendt's book He's Just Not That Into You, written by a guy, he states that couples should wait for at least 2 months, and often if you have sex before that, the guy more quickly becomes 'not that into you' because a relationship bond hasn't formed.. He met his wife and he was absolutely crazy about her and he didn't want to have sex with her until they had developed a respectful, emotionally bonded relationship with each other.

I have nothing against people who sleep with a guy on the first date, it's not a "moral" issue, it's just that they are cheating themselves out of a true bond of emotions and love if they sleep with a guy too soon. As Letter-to-Elise said, many times it does NOT work out when you sleep with a guy right away, but she is OK with that. Unfortunately she is missing out on what a true relationship with an emotional bond and is sabotaging that time after time when she has sex so soon into the "relationship" because after you sleep with a guy too soon, the relationship often becomes more focused on sex, and there is no real attraction to the other person further developing because it's now about sex. When you wait, you are giving yourself and the man a gift of a true, loving, emotional bond and you know he's going to call the next day.

 

 

I pretty much agree w/you despite all the analyzations above. And for real, I'm definately fine w/waiting longer until I'm comfortable. It's great to hear a guys perspective/s, but I think the bottom line is, if he's interested enough, he'll wait for me, given I'm not playing a sick game and messing w/his mind and emotions, which I'm not. So I guess the next call is his. Should I wait and see if he contacts me?

[kimberlyk]

Wow! I read your first posting and just jumped right into my response, I have not even read the responses from other people yet...I just had to respond to this right away. You are 25 and he is 21. In most states, he JUST reached the legal drinking age. He sounds like a very manipulative and controlling guy and you are obviously not looking for what he's looking for, he KNOWS that you are vulnerable right now and you need to end it with him, NOW, TODAY...he's dangling a carrot in front of you with the 'possibility of a relationship', DO NOT GIVE IN! If he is making you feel pressured this soon and you have not entered a relationship with him yet, I promise you that if you sleep with him, he will get bored very quickly after he 'bags' you and he will dump you. he will pressure you EVERYtime he wants something from you. He obviously has NO concern for your emotions and you need to move on. Spare yourself the future grief.

 

By even spending time with this guy, you are denying yourself the opportunity to be out there and allowing that special someone who may actually care about you and your feelings, find you.

 

I have nothing more to say about this, you just need to break away and that's it.

 

Good luck!

[Erik]

Yeah, well that's exactly why I said that I appreciated the whole wine and candles thing, and I was sure to tell him that! I think he was genuinely making an effort to be romantic, that's my gut feeling and I'm sticking to it!

 

All right, I've been over this before, but in short, I figure he sees it as part of a package, the romantic scene including what he thinks would be REALLY romantic. In my experience, this works best AFTER you've been sleeping together, because until then, he'll always see the candlelights as a means to an end. He can't really enjoy the music and the candles, because he is nervous as hell. Don't get me wrong, any boy, including Danes, should be able to stomach such stuff without exploding, but that's exactly what they do: stomach it. Later on, he'll enjoy the mood for it's own sake, but not now.

 

 

He's not seeing other girls, he was clear about that AND being tested for STDs...

 

Huh!? Must've got something wrong then...

 

 

So then after I had sex with him the first time, I should just continutally give it to him whenever he wants it? See what I'm saying here? You have to start to consider your own respect...

 

I see what you say. I can't help you much though, for me it would not be a matter of respect or not. But you are assuming he'd want more sex than you'd be happy with. If that would be the case, it is a problem. But normally the problem goes the other way: six months after the wedding, everybody is complaining they don't get enough. My impression is that lack of libido is more often the problem, but then guys rarely talk about that. And no, not WHENEVER he wants it, of course. You are not a slave.

 

 

I just mean really care for someone in the general sense of love....

 

Yes. And also a bit more than in the general sense, I'd like to think. I loved my wife. It's a lot like this: most of the time your wife would be just this girl you lived with, sometimes she'd be a bitch, sometimes she'd be a saint, sometimes a comrade-in-arms, sometimes a traitor. And sometimes I'd love her and there has been a few ugly moments where I really hated her. And sometimes, there'd be these glorious, all to short seconds where I'd love her more than life itself, really living and breathing the Big Hollywood L. So my judgement of what love is, would be based on the proportion of this mix.

 

 

I think love is something that develops over time, you have to truly know someone to really love them, and you can be in love with the idea of someone i.e. he may be in love w/me based on the idea of me now and his sexual passion for me, but that all changes inevitably... no?

Afraid so. Maybe not, but most probably. But when the sexual passion is gone, that's where you start building lasting relationships. If things work out, the sexual passion will be replaced by something less animal, more comradely. Real love, I'm sorry to say, is really very mundane, it's about doing the dishes, taking the car to the mechanic, paying bills and, most important, raising kids, and doing all that without ripping each others head's off on a daily basis. All the stuff in songs and movies are about what happens during the first year or two of drunken abandon. That's probably why I got so upset: the really powerful, passions are normally in the beginning of a relationship, and you really want to live these passions in bed. They are never coming back.

 

 

If a man loves w/his ---- then how can men be the romantic ones?

The sad truth is, that for the lovemaking itself, all your prejudices about men hold true. In the heat of the battle, it doesn't really matter for a man who he is sh@gging. But afterwards, he will have had a wonderful experience, and he will remember that he shared it with you and no-one else. He will be grateful for that, feel companionship, pride and hell, romance! He'd want to do things for you, he will dream of travelling to far places with you. Of course, those feelings will be gone the next morning, but something always remains. And he'll feel the same next time you make love.

 

I guess you mean that they are romantic because romance = sex = love! LOL!!! That's crazy.

Crazy yes. But not to a man. For a woman, love is very much about communicating. That doesn't mean that romance=yakking=love.

 

Forget the love question though b/c I never expected him to be in love with me to have sex, he mentioned it and really got me thinking. What I would and DO want is a nice reasonable connection and enjoyment of a person MORE THAN a physical attraction i.e. connecting mentally, having some of the same ideas etc, and of course more of that will and must come in the time of a relationship!

Exactly! You can't expect it all at once. And it really is a gamble. Maybe it won't work out, but you cant test a man's commitment by not going to bed with him. You can observe him and then try top guess, and on the basis of that guess decide if he is worth getting physical with.

 

What do you mean "I hope you tell him away"? When I talk to him again, I'm definately going to make myself clear and tell him I didn't appreciate being pressured at all, right?

 

I meant that I hoped you would tell him you were not interested and never see him again. As I said that's just me, and I tend to be a little schizophrenic at times, as I remember it, five posts ago I was suggesting you had sex with him. What I hope you do not do, is give him grief for pressuring you and then forgive him and accept a date with him.

 

So, you are suggesting that now I run to him and sleep with him?

I suggest you run, but away from him. Again, that's me. If you ask me, I'd say you haven't got the spark for this guy, but as we've seen, Danes judge such matter differently. If you think he's worth a try, I don't think you should wait much longer.

[Erik]

...and I hope you don't listen to Bridget. She's way off mark by any standards, not just Danish ones.

[Erik]

He's not seeing other girls, he was clear about that AND being tested for STDs...

 

Huh!? Must've got something wrong then...

Hehe, seems I misunderstood what you meant by 'exclusive'....

[Hipnawtic]

Ok Ok, so straight up, do you think I should wait to hear from him and give him another chance? Call him?

[Erik]

If you ask me, call him and tell him it's over. I might say something different tomorrow, mind you.

[kimberlyk]

I say don't ever call him again...make him realize that he will not get his way by making you feel that you have to give something up first.

[IpAncA]

Ok Ok, so straight up, do you think I should wait to hear from him and give him another chance? Call him?

 

If that's what you want to do then do so.

 

But I'm still standing by what I said. IMO If your not ready and he keeps on pushing you then lose the guy. Not ready mean not ready and if he can't understand that then find someone who will. And being 21 or whatever age doesn't exclude him or any other guy from the rule.

 

And regardless of what some of you guys say, if someone isn't ready it's wrong to persuade them.

[DanielMadr]

I never at any moment was conciously thinking that I was giving him a test of any kind, but yeah, if he took it that way then OK, and maybe he was giving me a test, I guess I failed, lol. Well like you said, he was also giving ME a test, but I'm not that gamey, I was just being honest.

 

If a guy withdrew from me at the "last possible moment" from sex, then I would ask him what's up, and if he said he was not comfortable yet, then I'd wonder a) because guys rarely do that, guys are usually the one trying for it (isn't it in their "nature"?), but b) I'd ask him why he wasn't comfortable, and instead of thinking it was a game, I'd try to accept what he said at face value, and more than anything, I think I'd want him to be comfortable first.

 

I was never trying to blackmail him! I don't do that. In fact, part of the reason I haven't agreed to be exclusive w/him is because I am slightly talking to someone else and that's all, and I told him that! He even offered to be in an exclusive relationship after I said that I couldn't have sex unless in an exclusive relationship, and I said no still b/c I'm not even totally ready for that! I'm still feeling this guy out, and he should know that b/c I've been clear that I'm getting to know him!

 

I know he is not a major player for sure. I could see and feel his dissappointment and inexperience, and that's OK, I just have to tell him my thoughts and be clear on where I stand. I've tried to be clear on that. Anyway, it wasn't just a "blackmail" repsonse that I gave him, I elaborated on my position and was clear. I think it's up to him now. No?

 

Now it is clear. You dont love him. You are playing him till skies clear out. You string him along. Now you probably lost him, because you hurt him. And you want our forgivenness and pitty because he is such a jerk thinking only about sex. Well I forgive you, because he is so dumb. He should eject himself when he heard you are slightly talking to someone else.

[bridget_jones]

stop making Hypnawtic feel guilty, she has done NOTHING wrong. It would be WRONG if she had sex with him just because he wanted to. This guy is not being tortured, and she did not wait until the 'last possible minute', they weren't even unclothed, no pants of or anything.

All that Dutch lifestyle stuff is crap, too, because it's general stuff that men all over the world say to get into women's pants. Just because the other Dutch girl on here is OK with sleeping with a guy right away,doesn't mean the whole country is, she has also been taken in by the words of men, those dutch guys really have it down to get in women's panties.

She would be wrong if she did something she wasn't ready for and compromised herself just so this guy can get laid. If he really cares about her, he'll return. If not, he doesn't care.

Hypnawtic, don't let any of these posters you did anything to lead this guy on or are being cruel to this guy by not having sex with him after ONE MONTH OF DATING. Like Island Girl said, it is not "torture" for a guy to wait and get to know you better, you're doing a favor for him, too, teaching him about real relationships and LOVE.

[Erik]

Bridget, you've never had sex in your life, so pipe down. We are all telling her to get rid of the guy, so what's your problem anyway?

[bridget_jones]

that's funny, I have had the best, most amazing sex from a man I am with because he has respect for me and waited for me and didn't pressure me. Some of you are making Hipnawtic feel like SHE did something wrong and she did NOT.

I don't agree she should get rid of him, because she hasn't been seeing him enough to establish that. Maybe he is worthy of her, maybe he isn't, we have to wait and see.

[Erik]

I have had the best, most amazing sex from a man I am with because he has respect for me and waited for me and didn't pressure me

 

Jesus doesn't count, Bridget. Sorry.

[bridget_jones]

just because I like to wait a month or two to have sex doesn't make me Puritanical or something. Jerk. And I'm not religious, waiting for a relationship has nothing to do with a relationship to God.

[Hipnawtic]

Now it is clear. You dont love him. You are playing him till skies clear out. You string him along. Now you probably lost him, because you hurt him. And you want our forgivenness and pitty because he is such a jerk thinking only about sex. Well I forgive you, because he is so dumb. He should eject himself when he heard you are slightly talking to someone else.

 

I never said I loved him. I'm not stringing him along either. I just can't understand how I could have lost him b/c I told him no about sex right now and was honest in my position. I don't want anyone's forgiveness or pity! Where did you get that idea?? I never said he was a jerk either, so stop putting words in my mouth. Why would he eject himself? That sucks if so, but should I have just not been honest with him? Now THAT would be playing w/his emotions. Holy crap, this is turning into some out of control battle of the sexes! Maybe that's all it is anyway. You know, I really truly hope I didn't lose him, I actually really like him.

[Island Girl]

The way you are treating this boy is cruel, hipnawtic. ...So he says some stupid things, but that's because he is in love.

 

Oh the sweet thing. He's IN LOVE after one month. Seeing each other just a limited number of times and he is in LOVE. Awwww.

 

You won't know if he loves you until you sleep with him, because until then, all you'll see of him is a testoterone-crazed fool that can't wipe his own ass for love.

 

WHAT?!! You said he IS in love. I guess you -- like anybody in a month long relationship -- don't know if he is or isn't.

 

Dating a woman for a month and not getting any is pathetic.

 

Perhaps where you are.

 

A bit of disclosure: I'm from Denmark, maybe I see things different.

 

In the US there is a relationship dynamic you can't identify with. You have admitted it. And so your opinion should not be viewed as constructive as you have no foundation for it.

 

I know girls will never believe this, but sex is a deeply emotional thing for guys. Or rather, being stringed out is, it is humiliation. Like if a guy constantly ridiculed his GF for wanting to talk about feelings, claiming that talking about feelings before marriage was too intrusive and that she was an emotional vampire for wanting it all the time.

 

Yes sex is a deeply emotional thing for guys -- but not ALWAYS.

 

Sometimes - as you say it is all about "FUN" (You contradict yourself too often).

 

I for one, do not want to be someone else's "FUN". And the only way to involve real feelings is to know someone. Which is not possible when you have known someone an hour, a day, or even a month!

 

So by dating him, but not "giving" him any, this girl is sending him conflicting signals, driving him nuts. By her words, she says she cares for him, but by her actions she signals ice-cold indifference, she is driving him moonsick.

 

There is a VAST difference between caring for someone and ice cold indifference. Sex does not bridge the two.

 

So you are happily married today?

 

Absolutely. And if my husband was standing in front of you - or you knew him at all - there is no way you would say he is less than man or doesn't possess every quality that the word represents.

 

ARE YOU HAPPILY MARRIED?

 

Did I forget about STD? Jeez... What an excuse! The guy is 21, how much of a risk could he be?

 

Well, let's see. Let's just say he lost his virginity at 17. That is pretty conservative.

 

How many partners do you think he could have had in 4 years?

 

A lot. So there is a high risk. Actually even if he'd only slept with one the risk is great. It only takes ONE.

 

And you are forgetting about the risk of pregnancy. Do you think a month is long enough to realize whether or not someone would be a man who takes responsibility for his actions or not?

 

Because the woman doesn't HAVE a choice. Whatever happens she will have to deal with it because - yeah right - we can't just walk away from what is INSIDE of us.

 

Well, she won't have a real relationship with him until they have sex.

 

Real relationships are founded on knowledge, respect, are care of another.

 

It is the "meat and potatoes" of the meal. The stuff that sticks with you.

 

Sex is dessert. Sometimes you eat dessert instead and are not hungry for the real meal. And dessert consisting of sugars burns off quickly - it has no staying power and can not sustain a relationship on it's own.

 

What would you say if a guy told you that yes, he cared very much for you, but he was not ready to share his thoughts with you until you had a real relationship?

 

I'd say, "Good. I am so glad you feel the same way. We have only known each other for a short time and I honestly don't know enough about you to know whether I have any real and lasting feelings for you."

 

That's where we disagree. I don't really buy all that stuff about true and solemn emotions, or rather, I've only found those in a sexual relationship.

 

And perhaps those times when you have found that in a sexual relationship are rare.

 

How many times have you found this type of emotion in your sexual relationships?

 

I don't think we'll agree on this one, so I'll back off.

 

Ok good. I'm so glad you can see that, as you have said (because your country has a different view of sex and relationships), you can't possibly give relationship advice to those here in America.

 

You're telling someone over and over again how to eat an orange when they are holding an apple.

As well intentioned a you might be, and some of your words on this thread call that into question, it will never work.

 

Before I go, I'd like to correct a misunderstanding concerning Danish girls (and boys.)...Danish girls party with guys because they think sex is fun!...They date for the same reasons guys do, for sex.

 

Oh okay. THAT explains it.

 

You see - we here in America already did that. Almost 50 years ago.

 

It was called the sixties.

 

Actually we don't date the way Americans do, it is be considered awfully whimpy, kinda like online dating.

 

This is interesting. How do Americans date?

 

Because I have dated a German man who had only been here 3 weeks when I met him. He dated the same way.

 

The movies I see made in other countries have the same types of relationship dynamics we do here.

 

My husband is Tongan - from Tonga - he traveled the world playing Rugby and yet our dates were the same as I've always had.

 

So please - explain what your understanding of our relationships is.

 

Exactly! You guys are romanticising sex way out of proportions.

 

Okay -- here you go with the double talk again.

 

YOU are the one that said sex is a way for a man of expressing LOVE.

 

Romantic right? Which makes sense coming from you because you believe men are more romantic than women.

 

Your statements are complete about this. Not once have you said that sex for a man can be just that -- sex.

 

I did here in this thread. But not you.

 

NOW you say we are romanticizing sex saying it is just something fun to do?!!

 

If you are single and unattached, sex will not hurt you, there should be no need for pressure. Sometimes you get hurt, yes, that's life for you, but more often that not, it is not the sex that hurts you, but the emotions.

 

Oh I beg to differ.

 

Treatable and incurable STDs including Herpes (which can be passed on to children later in life) and AIDS, and pregnancy. Or multiples of these.

 

So the sex CAN hurt you. And being in discriminant about partners leaves you with greater risk.

 

Then there are the emotions that hurt - which can be much deeper if there is a sexual component (at least for the one who gets dumped).

 

So why risk the pain for a moment of pleasure.

 

The risk is only acceptable when there is a greater chance of success than failure and that can only be discovered after time.

 

But in that case, and after two-three weekly dates for a month, if you still feel sex is such a precious commodity that indulging the guy would hurt you, then maybe you should let that guy go.

 

Why? He is choosing to stay and pursue the relationship as it is unfolding.

 

Why should anyone "let that guy go" when he still wants to pursue the relationship and neither knows where the road is going?

 

You do not understand the most important part is the journey. How sad you don't get this.

 

The 'not ready'-part. He probably heard 'extremely horny.'

 

Then he is:

 

A) Foreign born and has not learned English.

B) Not listening to the words that are actually said. (In which case dump him - he's not even listening to you OP)

C) An idiot who is not capable of a real relationship anyway.

 

I shall refrain from further lectures.

 

Oh would that could be true

 

I can tell he is in love, because he is madly horny and therefor he THINKS he is in love.

 

Is it love or does he only think it is? -- It can't be both.

 

It is very real to him and he can't separate the things.

 

You're calling him an idiot again...

 

So because he is unable to do that, he thinks you can't either,

 

And now he thinks SHE'S an idiot too?!!!

 

How mixed up is this poor guy? Having dated men for years I have never met one soooooooooooo confused or stupid!!!

 

And yes, he says a lot of bollocks o try to get you to drop your pants, it's actually a rather pathetic trick, don't you think?

 

VERY PATHETIC. That's why she should pay any attention at all. Paying any lip service will just serve to encourage more of it.

 

 

Talking means nothing to a man.

 

I'm glad that so many marriages lasting for over 50+ years have been based on nothing.

 

Did you say you are happily married?

 

So suppose he said that he loved you, but talking to you was too strenuous until you had a real relationship going, would you believe that he really loved you?

 

No. Your point?

[Island Girl]

Maybe he is in love with you, maybe he thinks he is in love with you, maybe he pretends he is in love with you to have sex with you.

 

EXACTLY! Which is why you don't go jumping into bed with him or developing "deep" feelings for him.

 

It has only been a very short time.

 

 

Tell him that you want to be exclusive and ask him what he wants.

 

Oh yeah - because as so clearly posted above he can be trusted that he is telling the truth. Wrong.

 

Time and knowledge is the only way to have any indication of what his intentions are.

[Island Girl]

He can't really enjoy the music and the candles, because he is nervous as hell. Don't get me wrong, any boy, including Danes, should be able to stomach such stuff without exploding, but that's exactly what they do: stomach it. Later on, he'll enjoy the mood for it's own sake, but not now.

 

If he can't enjoy the mood whenever it is -- his loss.

 

My heart bleeds...really.

 

Huh!? Must've got something wrong then...

 

It's not the first time!

 

 

But when the sexual passion is gone, that's where you start building lasting relationships.

 

Wrong again. The passion gets better - stronger - what you are talking about is lust and true passion is MUCH BETTER than lust.

 

Real love, I'm sorry to say, is really very mundane, it's about doing the dishes, taking the car to the mechanic, paying bills and, most important, raising kids, and doing all that without ripping each others head's off on a daily basis. All the stuff in songs and movies are about what happens during the first year or two of drunken abandon. That's probably why I got so upset: the really powerful, passions are normally in the beginning of a relationship, and you really want to live these passions in bed. They are never coming back.

 

A true pessimistic view from one who seems to have never known real love.

 

The sad truth is, that for the lovemaking itself, all your prejudices about men hold true.

 

Don't we all know it!!!

 

In the heat of the battle, it doesn't really matter for a man who he is sh@gging.

 

Again with your double talk - you said it is how a man expresses LOVE.

 

So he is expressing LOVE but it doesn't matter who it is expressed to?

 

Inspiring. Really truly inspiring.

 

But afterwards, he will have had a wonderful experience, and he will remember that he shared it with you and no-one else.

 

Oh good. How nice it is that he'll have a wonderful experience -- that could have been with anyone really (*meaningful* - it's like butterflies) -

 

And he'll REALLY remember that it was with her?!!! WOW.

 

That is such a moving thought.

 

---- This isn't part of your double talk is it? Because that'd be evil to set someone up with such high expectations and then dash them down again...

 

He will be grateful for that, feel companionship, pride and hell, romance!

 

Grateful! That is a touching emotion. And Companionship, Pride, - Romance! Those are all great things! Tell me more!...

 

He'd want to do things for you, he will dream of travelling to far places with you.

 

It just keeps getting better!!! Traveling to far places sounds great!

 

Of course, those feelings will be gone the next morning

 

See! I knew it was a set up.

 

IT ALL GOES AWAY THE NEXT MORNING.

 

OP - this should tell you if nothing else that you should wait until you have sex and do so when it is indicative something deeper.

 

 

as we've seen, Danes judge such matter differently.

 

EXACTLY. But yet you still try to apply your reasoning to a relationship dynamic you have no grasp of.

 

I have to give you credit for trying. I'm sorry it is just nonsensical.

[Island Girl]

...and I hope you don't listen to Bridget. She's way off mark by any standards, not just Danish ones.

 

 

She's not way off -- not off the mark in the slightest. Everything I have read that she has posted here is true.

 

You on the other hand WAAAAAAAAY OFF.

 

 

Aww. Wrong AGAIN.

[Island Girl]

And I'm not religious, waiting for a relationship has nothing to do with a relationship to God.

 

Exactly. My how great minds do think alike!

[bridget_jones]

I was getting tired of Erik's whole entire attitude. I don't entirely buy the Danish way of dating, I'm sure there are people who develop relationships before they get intimate and are not negatively stigmatized by their friends if they don't 'give him some' early on in the Netherlands.

[Island Girl]

I was getting tired of Erik's whole entire attitude. I don't entirely buy the Danish way of dating, I'm sure there are people who develop relationships before they get intimate and are not negatively stigmatized by their friends if they don't 'give him some' early on in the Netherlands.

 

After reading what I did on the internet today I think this attitude has a lot to do with the decline in marriages in Denmark -- I think it's been the last 10 years or so.

 

The divorce rate is still the same but if there less marriages and the same percentage are divorcing...well, you can do the math.