Sunshine86 Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I've been dating a guy for about 3 months now. Things seemed great but all of a sudden he said he needed to make himself happy before he could make a girlfriend happy. He said it wasn't all of a sudden and he's been feeling this way and it's been building up. I don't understand why it happened out of the blue when I thought things were fine. He says it's not about meeting other people and he isn't going out to bars more or less and is taking the time to make himself happy. We have both always been in relationships, I am only his second relationship after a 6 year one. We both have never had time to find out who we are as individuals, and now he wants that time. At first I wanted to stay with him while he worked through it all, but it just couldn't happen. He is about to have a real job, and in a few months I'll be going 4 hours away to school. We both say if the time is right, and if we want to be together, we can hook back up in the future. It hurts so bad right now, and I'm trying to give him his space, and leave him alone so MAYBE he will miss me, but my only fear is that I will never be together with him again and will find out he ended up with someone else.
Davis Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 It doesn't sound like he's ready for any relationship. You don't want to be the rebound girl, right? I think it's best he let you know now. He could have strung you along for six months. I know it hurts and you don't want to hear this, but you'll have lots of opportunities to meet some great guys at school. DO NOT contact him. NC is for you. SOMETIMES they come back if you do NC, but don't count on it and don't wait. I took my girlfriend back after she broke up with me. What a mistake. Three months later she did it again. My point is that people split up for a reason and this might not have been the right guy for you. Good luck and hang in there!
oppath Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I have to agree with Davis. He told you this information at the perfect time. If my ex had ended things at 3 months with that reason (which is similar to the reason she used) I would have understood. But instead, she started professing love, saying how she thought I was the guy she'd end up with, and other serious statements. At the 5.5 month mark, she ended it. She needed to be single and find herself; it's not you, it's me; I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship. Totally unfair of her in my opinion because (a) if she was telling me the truth, it was too late. She got me involved and if she weren't ready, she should not have been professing love and other indicators that she wanted something serious. (b) if her feelings had changed, if she didn't feel we were right for each other, then she was lying to me through her teeth and I felt I deserved a better explanation. Your guy may or may not be telling you the truth. Sometimes people say they need to be on their own because they are too big of a coward to say "I like you but I don't feel it is going to work out with us long term." I'd give him the benefit of the doubt because it doesn't sound like he has crossed lines of intimacy. He likely is not ready for a greater commitment but it doesn't sound like he has led you to believe he really did want one with you, which is good for you. Go NC. Heal. And most of all, don't overly react if he does contact you. Refrain from saying you don't understand. Refrain from seeking an explanation. Refrain from hanging out with him and accepting a sexual advance.
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