Sunshine86 Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I've been dating a guy for about 3 months now. Things seemed great but all of a sudden he said he needed to make himself happy before he could make a girlfriend happy. He said it wasn't all of a sudden and he's been feeling this way and it's been building up. I don't understand why it happened out of the blue when I thought things were fine. He says it's not about meeting other people and he isn't going out to bars more or less and is taking the time to make himself happy. We have both always been in relationships, I am only his second relationship after a 6 year one. We both have never had time to find out who we are as individuals, and now he wants that time. At first I wanted to stay with him while he worked through it all, but it just couldn't happen. He is about to have a real job, and in a few months I'll be going 4 hours away to school. We both say if the time is right, and if we want to be together, we can hook back up in the future. It hurts so bad right now, and I'm trying to give him his space, and leave him alone so MAYBE he will miss me, but my only fear is that I will never be together with him again and will find out he ended up with someone else.
MotherGooze Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I totally understand how you are feeling since I come from almost the same situation. The best thing you can do is give him some time. Treat his wishes with respect. Yes, there is the chance that you might not get together, but if you don't give him time, you would'nt be respecting his wishes.
Author Sunshine86 Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 Thanks, I appreciate you response. I understand what you mean, and believe that is the only thing I can do right now. I will have to give him what he wants and see what happens, even though it doesn't make me hurt any less.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 i'm sorry to say but that sounds like a BS excuse. yeah maybe he does need "time" but if he really did want to be with u he'd agree to just take it slow to keep u in his life. guys have done this crap to me, so my advice is forget this dude and move on. dont count on getting back together, just start dating other guys and look forward to school. free urself up for someone who is "ready" to make a gf happy.
Aloros Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I wouldn't pin your hopes on the guy. I felt a little like that after ending a 5.5 year relationship. I wanted to be single, wanted to live as an individual for a while...but the guy I'd been crushing on for a year asked me out. For me, he was worth giving all that up. Try not to pine for him. Spend a lot of time with friends and family, and try to move on. If he comes back, great. If not, his loss.
trulycute Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 something along the same lines just happenned to me 2 days ago with the BF---he decided to end it...out of nowhere i thought until he told me he's been thinking about it for 2 wks (i saw no signs and usually there is)...he says that he doesn't know if i'm the one and if he loves me enough to continue...i was devastated.... he says he needs to work on his "stuff"--emotionals, work, moving to a new place and doesn't feel that he can give me what i need... what hurts the most is that up till the day he ended it and including that day he was still telling me he loved me but realized a few days prior to that, that i wasn't the one--he doesn't know if something triggered it or what.... i feel so ****ty right now and empty inside....we had a good good-bye and talked things though, and kissed and hugged and cried goodbye.....he says maybe in a couple of months when he gets things figured out maybe he'll have that "forever" love feeling for me again(he told me during the R that he had a forever love feeling for me and could see himself with me 20 yrs from now).....i can't wait for someone to get those feelings back, i know i deserve someone to love me with everything that he has (he claimed he did till a few days ago)..... i didn't want the R to end--i wanted to work things out, but when someone no longer wants you--you have to let go....how do I?..how could i of been so wrong?.... of course the only thing i can think of right now is never seeing him again and having what we had and someday he'll have that with someone else....that kills me... how can guys be crazy in love with you one minute and then nothing?....he said that something must of triggered it and he started feeling differently about me after i had had a bad day (we didn't even fight).... he claims to still love me and be in love with me but not enough to continue.... sorry for the long post, but i needed to vent and hear from you guys--everyone on here is so awesome with their advice..... so how do i move on?.....i won't contact him....
kribby Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I am sorry to hear about this... but how do you usually move on? I do the whole... date 10,001 people at once... keep busy... i get out my whole list of things that I want to do in life and schedule to do them. Silly stuff-- serious stuff... like-- finish masters-- learn to ice skate... I say- you need to work on yourself-- make yourself happy in order to heal.
trulycute Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 i guess in order to move on-- --i give it time --i get angry --put anything away that reminds me of him --don't contact him --get drunk with my friends --flirt with some new guy --cry --talk about things --cry some more --do positive talk --read some self-help books --workout --mediate --have some alone time --go for long walks it hurts like hell right now and i want him back....it shouldn't of ended....we had everything that it takes to make it work but sometimes/most times you have to be on the same page (want the same things at the same time, i thought he did b/c he told me so but then seemed to change his mind)...it just hurts when there's no warnings.... will he come back?....a part of me wants him to but a part of me doesn't....
kribby Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 i guess in order to move on-- --i give it time --i get angry --put anything away that reminds me of him --don't contact him --get drunk with my friends --flirt with some new guy --cry --talk about things --cry some more --do positive talk --read some self-help books --workout --mediate --have some alone time --go for long walks it hurts like hell right now and i want him back....it shouldn't of ended....we had everything that it takes to make it work but sometimes/most times you have to be on the same page (want the same things at the same time, i thought he did b/c he told me so but then seemed to change his mind)...it just hurts when there's no warnings.... will he come back?....a part of me wants him to but a part of me doesn't.... this is a good list... get started on it! seriously!
trulycute Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 thanks Kribby i will start on this list as soon as i can get my mind wrapped around the fact that it is actually "over"...why is that so hard for us to digest?.... Sunshine86--i feel for you girl b/c i am pretty much going though the same thing, but all that we can do like other people have said on here, give him all the time and space he wants and move on......if things are meant to be, he'll come back...i look at my situation as "better now to find out he can live without me then a year down the road"...it hurts soooo much now but would kill almost later on down the road and i think that is what my ex was trying not to happen to us.....almost like leave things when things are good--have a good ending... good endings do lead to good beginnings.... i am walking away from the relationship with a lot of love in my heart....i'm just sad that i will no longer be giving that love to him anymore.... i know posting and venting thoughts on here is sooo helping with the healing process....
Author Sunshine86 Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 Oh my lord do I know how you feel!! I was in the same boat. And a week after I wrote that post, the bickering and anger with him stopped and he admitted that he isn't out living it up. He sees me driving down the road and just wants to call me, but he knows it won't make anything better. You gotta realize, HE HAS MISERABLE DAYS TOO!! Now he is calling me asking me to hang out because he is lonely!! It's never fun for him to go home to an empty bed at night, bottom line. I thought it was all of a sudden with the break up and how he felt, but I found out he had ALSO been thinking about how to do it for 2 weeks. Some days he loved being around me and having me as a girlfriend, but some days he could care less if he called me and wanted to do his own thing. And if your man comes back around, you have to make sure you BOTH are emotionally ready to deal with anything that comes along, because it's not going to be all peachy keen just because he came back around. Point is, give him time. Just like everyone on here says. Give him the space he wants. He may come back, he may not, but you have to prepare yourself for both.
Author Sunshine86 Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 A few more important points, if he contacts you, play it cool. Don't overly react. Don't even mention the break up if you can help it. Talk to him in a friendly, fun way, the only thing it will do is remind him how cool of a person you are and why he liked you in the first place. Being overly emotional with him about everything is only going to push him away. And............ friends are key right now. It's perfectly ok to vent, but you don't have to sit around and talk about him constantly to them, but just hang out with them. Remember the silly fun times you had with your girlfriends BEFORE you had a boyfriend??? Do those things, they help you get back in touch with YOU, and that's what matters.
trulycute Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 i just realized that i had just started a new thread about what i'm going through and i had already talked about it in here with some great advice given.... mind is obviously elsewhere.... my new thread explains things in more detail though so i can try to get a clearer picture into why things may of happenned why they did so suddenly....
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