flyerboy Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 It's been 1 week now since my wife of 18 yrs moved out on her own.I'm 37 she is 38.We have 2 girls 11 and 16.It seems she is having a midlife crisis from all the research I've have done.I think it all started when she lost her job at a place where she enjoyed working and had a great group of friends which she loved.The company went bankrupt.So she got another job which she likes but now she had to work straight afternoons now disconnecting herself from everthing she enjoyed .For instance she was a homebody and loved coming home and watching her favourite shows at night with me and the kids.She rarely keeps any contact with the girls she used work with other than when they called. I've given her everthing she ever wanted and she loved her home which she concentrated so much in decorating which was apassion for her.So just after xmas she came to me and said I've fallen out of love it's nothing you did I want my freedom and independance. Needless to say the past 2 months I've tried so hard in keeping her causing us to fight which obviously pushed her away even farther.I'm trying real hard to cope and take care of the girls and trying to understand why.What really bothers me is when ever she did confront me after this she is so cold and mean to me.I've done my homework with help from some of her coworkers and there's no one else in the picture.I'm trying the no contact to give her time and space hoping she comes to her senses.My youngest had asked her the other night when she was coming home and she said I don't know.What do I do now?
LakesideDream Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 "Fallen out of Love", "I still Love you but I'm not In Love with you", and "I need space to see if I can do it on my own"...... Are all code for "I have this new man, and he's so great I can't live without him". Of course... if you have really done your homework you already know that. I feel for you, and wish you luck. It a long nasty road ahead.
Author flyerboy Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 LakesideDream thanks for replying do you mean a new man or me?
Author flyerboy Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 I'm asking that because she is very adamant when se says she doesn't want any man.Especially when our daughters confronted her with this saying mom if there is another man that is the lowest thing you could do.And we will never forgive you for that.
stockmos Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 It is certainly possible that there isn't another man. It definitely happens. I have read many stories about people who have some kind of epiphanic experience (in their eyes) and just decide they want out. For example I read about a man who decided to quit his successful job/career and go and live in a commune in Scotland. When he told his co-habiting partner, it was more or less "I'm going, do you want to come? "No." "Thought not, well I guess it's over for us then."
MoonGirl Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 It's been 1 week now since my wife of 18 yrs moved out on her own.I'm 37 she is 38.We have 2 girls 11 and 16.It seems she is having a midlife crisis from all the research I've have done.I think it all started when she lost her job at a place where she enjoyed working and had a great group of friends which she loved.The company went bankrupt.So she got another job which she likes but now she had to work straight afternoons now disconnecting herself from everthing she enjoyed .For instance she was a homebody and loved coming home and watching her favourite shows at night with me and the kids.She rarely keeps any contact with the girls she used work with other than when they called. I've given her everthing she ever wanted and she loved her home which she concentrated so much in decorating which was apassion for her.So just after xmas she came to me and said I've fallen out of love it's nothing you did I want my freedom and independance. Needless to say the past 2 months I've tried so hard in keeping her causing us to fight which obviously pushed her away even farther.I'm trying real hard to cope and take care of the girls and trying to understand why.What really bothers me is when ever she did confront me after this she is so cold and mean to me.I've done my homework with help from some of her coworkers and there's no one else in the picture.I'm trying the no contact to give her time and space hoping she comes to her senses.My youngest had asked her the other night when she was coming home and she said I don't know.What do I do now? Sounds like she has another man to me, but who knows! If I were you, I'd certainly check out that possibility. Also, read the Divorce Busters book, and read the Marriage Builders website about what not to do if you want your wife back. In short summary, act like you're happy...look nice, smell nice, be nice. Don't beg, plead, or guilt trip. Don't be mean. And go out and have fun (or pretend to have fun). Make sure it looks like you're moving on with your life, make her wonder what you're thinking and what you're up to. Certainly don't ask your daughters about her or ask them to talk to her for you.
LakesideDream Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 LakesideDream thanks for replying do you mean a new man or me? Sadly for you, I'm suggesting she has found a NEW love, not you. Don't pay much attention to what she says about it either. In my limited experiance, I have found that a cheating spouse will lie, lie, lie, until actually caught in the act. The "walk away wife" syndrome is a fairly new one. No fault divorce, has made people give up on relationships very easily. I know exactly how you feel.. as do many LS members. Just buck up, and try to do your best every day. All pain fades with time.
Sup Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I'm asking that because she is very adamant when se says she doesn't want any man.Especially when our daughters confronted her with this saying mom if there is another man that is the lowest thing you could do.And we will never forgive you for that. I have to agree with the people in here, and your Daughters, they nailed it right there, they're not stupid. I suggest you start digging, I think you'll be surprised what you find out. If she is cheating are you going to take her back? In any case, I suggest that you contact a Lawyer, and find out about YOUR rights, see if you can go for Abandonment, and seek sole custody for your Daughters, remember you can always ask them if they have seen anything strange with their mother.
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