TYASAFAHICSI Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Was in New Orleans a few weeks ago for Mardi Gras and went with a friend of mine from here (male) and met up with another female friend while down there. They had never met. Well they apparently clicked, and I am not sure if they did the deed, but they clicked and that was cool. Here is the intervention part. He is divorced (his wife was cheating on him) for about a year. She is never married and lives half a continent away in middle America. He told me they had been keeping in touch (he was hesitant because he was not sure if I might have liked her--I don't so no biggie) and he is going back to New Orlenas around Easter along with her. I guess they are meeting there again. She was emailing me and I jokingly said, "so, are you luring my friend to St. Louis, are you moving to Maryland, or am I relegated to just seeing you in New Orleans?" (We have only seen each other in New Orleans). Well her response floored me. "Well it looks like I will be coming out there, we have some details to work out yet, but that is what it looks like." Now I like both of these guys. My friend is on a rebound--this is his first "date" since the divorce much less a relationship. They met on a Sunday afternoon, we spent most of Monday and Tuesday together as a group, and he left first thing on a Wednesday morning. So we are talking less than 3 days. Probably a *****load of emails and phone calls, but moving her across the country to move in. One of my other friends and I need to stage an intervention. What do you think?
alphamale Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 One of my other friends and I need to stage an intervention. What do you think? I would agree....this is a disaster waiting to happen that could make Katrina look like childs-play
Art_Critic Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 They are both adults .. Let them make their own bed.. If you step in with an intervention you will ruin the friendship and most likely be outcasted as the bad guy.. You never know.. sometimes things work out that start out on shaky ground
Art_Critic Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I would agree....this is a disaster waiting to happen that could make Katrina look like childs-play I agree that things are moving too fast for success but don't you think an intervention is going to far ?
alphamale Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I agree that things are moving too fast for success but don't you think an intervention is going to far ? No, I don't think its going too far and I'll spell out why: She is unmarried and probably looking desperately for a hubbieHe is coming off a divorce and is probably not thinkiing straightThey spend 2 days together on vacationThey live 1,000 miles apartMoving in together? Out of the question at this point!If they want to try a LDR that may be OK but they really need to get to know each other a lot better. I generally don't recommend LDRs either.
Author TYASAFAHICSI Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 Just some more details. He is like 43 and she is 33 or 34 so there is an age difference. I do not think they have slept together (just a hunch). She does not like kids and has said so. He has two girls 16 and 15--not a great age for a step mom or live in. He is jewish, she is not. From a personal viewpoint, she is very outgoing and bubbly, he is very introverted. She had had at least half a dozen jobs in the last year that I am aware of--all pretty clerical type. And he is a government wonk that is content to push the same pencil day in and day out till his pension matures. She seems generous, he is stingy. He is always calculating the checks and percentages for tips and so forth and she is more like leave whatever. Now I know that there is love at first site, but usally there is a courtship in there somewhere--not a 3 day party, and discussions of moving someone almost 2000 miles from their home. He wants to go drinking on St. Patties day, I might just have to slap him silly. I sent an email asking if he was moving her out here and he has not answered me..... I am skeered for him! PS On the other hand, I imagine he will have some pretty good sex for a bit!
serial muse Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Just some more details. He is like 43 and she is 33 or 34 so there is an age difference. I do not think they have slept together (just a hunch). She does not like kids and has said so. He has two girls 16 and 15--not a great age for a step mom or live in. He is jewish, she is not. From a personal viewpoint, she is very outgoing and bubbly, he is very introverted. She had had at least half a dozen jobs in the last year that I am aware of--all pretty clerical type. And he is a government wonk that is content to push the same pencil day in and day out till his pension matures. She seems generous, he is stingy. He is always calculating the checks and percentages for tips and so forth and she is more like leave whatever. Now I know that there is love at first site, but usally there is a courtship in there somewhere--not a 3 day party, and discussions of moving someone almost 2000 miles from their home. He wants to go drinking on St. Patties day, I might just have to slap him silly. I sent an email asking if he was moving her out here and he has not answered me..... I am skeered for him! PS On the other hand, I imagine he will have some pretty good sex for a bit! I'd be scared for her, too! I'm curious - you sound more worried about him getting screwed over than her...is there more to this story?? Is it just that you're a lot better friends with him than with her, or that you don't trust her or something? Because usually I'd be more worried about the person who's completely uprooting him/herself on a relative whim than the one who's basically staying put in their comfort zone. I mean, it'll be tough for both of them but at least he's already got a life there. Eep, I hope she's lined up a job or something at least. Anyway, I agree with Art; I don't know about an "intervention" but a friendly "have you really thought this through?" to your buddy seems like a pretty good idea.
Author TYASAFAHICSI Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 She is a groupie of mine I guess you could say. I do not know her very well, but she has shown up at a few places that I need to be at for work, etc. Mostly in New Orleans. I have "known" her via email for a year...him for 10 personally. This year, she told me she was coming to New Orleans, and I figured she was harmless and we agreed to meet and hang out between my work. So, I do not know a lot about her. I know her VERY superficially, yet I know my buddy a lot better. She has had a few relationships the last one she said she was not into it but just stayed and f'd this guy for a year. My bud married his HS sweetheart who ultimately cheated on him, they divorced, and she is remaried. He has not been on a date much less had a relationship since she left. Left like 2 years ago, divorced a little over one. Too introverted to do online dating, etc. He is prime for a rebound. Not sure her deal or motives though.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 He is jewish, she is not. If he is a practicing Jew, and lives the life of a jewish person, then she won't last long. Throw his kids into the mix, another reason why it won't last long. I say give him a heads up, the friendly man to man talk -warning to make sure he knows wtf he's doing and then let it go. Whatever is gonna happen, will happen. And, who knows? Maybe she'll convert, learn to like his kids and they'll be happy! They're both adults, been around the block afew times, so it's not like they don't know what they're doing.
serial muse Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 She is a groupie of mine I guess you could say. I do not know her very well, but she has shown up at a few places that I need to be at for work, etc. Mostly in New Orleans. I have "known" her via email for a year...him for 10 personally. This year, she told me she was coming to New Orleans, and I figured she was harmless and we agreed to meet and hang out between my work. So, I do not know a lot about her. I know her VERY superficially, yet I know my buddy a lot better. She has had a few relationships the last one she said she was not into it but just stayed and f'd this guy for a year. My bud married his HS sweetheart who ultimately cheated on him, they divorced, and she is remaried. He has not been on a date much less had a relationship since she left. Left like 2 years ago, divorced a little over one. Too introverted to do Match.com, etc. He is prime for a rebound. Not sure her deal or motives though. Oh I see, gotcha. Definitely he's a closer friend then. Well, of course they're ultimately going to do what they want, but considering his likely state of mind I think it's not a bad idea to have a "maybe think more about what you're getting into" chat with him. And like you say, even if it doesn't work out, she could help him get back on his feet. So to speak.
Sand&Water Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Reply: Have a little talk with him. Sure. Do it if it makes you feel better. But, it's pointless. Really. I believe you should just let him be. He is having a bit of fun with the woman -and the atmosphere that accompanies such an involvement. He's a big boy. IF it doesn't last, then at least he's enjoyed himself for once! Oh, and about her -I think she'll have a good time, in a new place, with an experienced man. I doubt she's unaware of what she's getting herself into. Sand&Water
Author TYASAFAHICSI Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 Well, he is cooo cooo for cocoa puffs. I sent him an email asking him if she was moving in, and the answer was "well, she has wanted to get out of St. Louis for a long time, so it is a definite possibility." I guess you are right, probably best to sit back and watch the train wreck.
alphamale Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Well, he is cooo cooo for cocoa puffs. well then maybe you should call Kelloggs for advice, 1-888-KEL-LOGG
Fun2BMe Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I guess you are right, probably best to sit back and watch the train wreck. I think you are more of an envious 'friend' unhappy that your friend found a partner, than a concerned friend. You are sending a lot of bad vibes and are short of praying for their relationship to turn into a disaster. So what if one is outgoing and the other introverted. Most long lasting couples have that opposite character that balances each other. Two introverts get bored of each other because they need an outgoing person to shake things up and the other needs the introvert to put them in check. Have you not heard of mixed faith couples? Or couples who move in without even having spent as much time as they have, only through falling in love through the computer and the list goes on. Instead of being supportive or kindly pointing out your concerns, you are waiting for things to fall apart in an evil way. I would hate for you to be witnessing any of my relationships and be so critical on your soapbox. If in your heart you believed it is totally wrong and heading towards a wreck, you are not going to talk to your friend to at least express your worries? Don't have to turn it into an intervention but if you are that certain it's wrong, maybe you should for the friend's sake even though you are overreacting in my opinion out of jealousy.
Author TYASAFAHICSI Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Yeah Fun2BeMe... part of the issue in his marraige was his wife's faith not being the same as his so it is an issue for him. Has his position changed? Who knows. My concern is that it is a 10 year friend of mine that I know pretty well. It appears he is making a rash decision in moving a girl (who is a very decent person) across the country to live with him and his two teenage daughters after having spent less than 72 hours of physically being together. Not to mention that they have not had sex, that she does not have any job prospects, etc. If one of your girlfriends was doing somethign this impulsive wouldn't you do or say something? I am glad that you are NOT my friend if I were to do something. I woudl want to know. Not that I woudl listen, but I would want to know how my friends felt. I am an impulsive person myself, but that is WAY over the top. If he had said, hey, let's go to Hawaii for a month and run away. I am up for that. If he said, hey why don't I come to stay with you for a month--I am all over that. But after no sex and physical togetherness for less than 72 hours to let her sell her home and move across the country....come on.
Art_Critic Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Maybe a WTF do you think you are doing up 'long side the head is what you should do.. You know the kind.. when a guy says to another guy when they are being the wingman.. Not anything heavy or fatherly or even overly pushy.. just a WTF dude kinda thing.. To me it would be a shame to trash a friendship over this.. be a eye opener but also a supportive friend
Author TYASAFAHICSI Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Art probably correct. We have a standing Boys Night out in a week. I doubt she will be here by then, so I will definately say WTF....just make sure you think it ALL through. And then leave it evolve as it will evolve. I just thought and wonder if he is not looking at a way to "get even" with his ex. She was a looker and the outgoing one in their relationship, and she was quick to cheat and remarry--apparently she has lost some of her hotness of late. But if he moves in a cute petite blonde that is a decade younger than his ex (knowing the word will be transmitted via the daughters) it might drive her nuts. We shall see!
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