Author shecat28 Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Moongirl..I can't stop him from seeing our kid right now, I can just limit the duration. I guess it'll all be resolved in the separation agreement. But he chooses to see him daily for now...he's got to keep up the act you know. It won't last. The last time he saw him almost daily as well and as soon as he fell off the wagon, he didn't see him for over 2 months. Horses... yes he rememers portions of his bender, but he is a binge drinker. Once he starts, he drinks 26-40 oz a day, non-stop for two months. No word of a lie. Even the emergency ward staff, rehab facilities, detox centers have all told me that they have never seen anything like him. It's amazing how he can run out of money and still find a way. The problem with him, Horses, is that even when he is not drinking, he is controlling, narcissistic and craves the attention. I'm always walking on eggshells around him. He is the nicest person in the world and the most generous, but the minute I catch him lying or call him on something, he freaks out and the a**hole surfaces. Basically, if I shut my mouth and put up with his lying and cheating, I could have the material world...just not an honest, monogamous him. He can replace me in a heartbeat because there are many girls out there who would be with him for the money and shopping and status. I'm just not one of them. I'd rather live an honest, happy, humble life, than the pretend one he wanted me to. I swear, so many people think that money can buy them anything...that's why he threatens to cut me off, thinking that I'll cower and beg him not to. Because if he were to have no money, or if someone were to cut him off, he would crumble...he took all the valuable items with him when he moved, thinking I would put up a fight...instead I packed them for him.
Author shecat28 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 integrity ~ I Like And Admire That In A Person! There are some of us left in this world. Someday I'm going to hook up with one of those people.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I'm always walking on eggshells around him. He is the nicest person in the world and the most generous, but the minute I catch him lying or call him on something, he freaks out and the a**hole surfaces. Basically, if I shut my mouth and put up with his lying and cheating, I could have the material world...just not an honest, monogamous him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I KNOW! I call it shell shocked. Feels like a war zone, you never know when the other shoe is gonna fall. Friends think your crazy for complaining because of your life style but they HAVE NO CLUE!!!! Hell, forget calling him on something, I NO LONGER DO THAT. The crazy thing is that I can say something completely inocuous and he PERCEIVES it as calling him on something and goes nuts. Funny story... I woke up right after him one weekend and he said he was going to get a paper, I walked into the bathroom, needing female supplies out of the linen closet quickly and ask how long he would be as he was in the WC, he went nuts! HE thought I was talking about the paper run which is a mile away and takes about 1 to 1 and 1/2 hours! DUDE, I need tampons! NOW! I'm not sure I believe in honest monogamous HIMS from any man though. God, to be my age and learn that "NO VIRGINIA, MEN AREN'T FAITHFUL." I do however believe that life alone without having to "walk on egg shells" would be a eutopia. I still have a child that is very impressionable and don't care have him alone in his father's care. My AW husband is in Vegas this week partying it up. I've heard other wives whining about their husbands being there. I however haven't stepped on an eggshell in days! (I also haven't cleaned, cooked, or otherwise serviced anyone ... other than my motherly duties!) They are pissed and it's a vacation of a lifetime for me!!!!
AHIWON Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Wow Shecat28, he drinks ALOT, I'm shocked he is still alive. Just a matter of time before that or one of his other lifestyle choices get him. All those perks are hard on the liver too. Combined with his drinking, it's a wonder he even still has a liver. IfWishesWereHorses, there are men out there that will not cheat on their spouses, I'm one of them and I know a few others too. For me it's a matter of self respect combined with never wanting to even risk hurting the woman in my life that way. Thats a really horrible thing to do to somebody.
Gunny376 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Personally, I never had a problem with buying tampoons ~ WTF am I going to do with them? I guess they'd come in handy if my car had an oil leak? LOL! I did have one of my "Hats" on the Drill Field use panty liners?! We're sitting in the chowhall, he took his "Smokey The Bear" off, and I noticed this white band? He lined his Marine Corps Drill Insturtor Campagin Cover with his wife's panty liners to absorb the sweat! I was like WTF~?! :lmao: :lmao: I had another one of my "Hats" tell me he couldn't fall out for PT (Physical Training) ~ his GF was PO because she hadn't seen him for two weeks because we'd just picked up a new platoon of recruits. He was beat and fell into a deep sleep (sixteen to eighteen hour days X two weeks) ~ she shaved him from head to toe and painted his toe nails bright red, and wouldn't give him any polish remover! :laugh: :laugh:
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 OMG! Do not EVER, do you hear me, EVER even remotely plant a seed like this in a betrayed woman's brain who has been drinking tequilla with her friends!!! Did you not read my poison ivy post???? Good God, with in the week AW husband is liable to wake up with red toenails! Don't know if I could get away with the shaving, but the next time he passes out stoned cold I'm going for the RED POLISH!!! I'm thinking fingernails AS WELL AS toenails!!! That is tooo funny!!!!
Author shecat28 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 OK, I'm so new to this, half the abbreviations are foreign to me. What does AW stand for? In Canada, we would interpret that as A**WIPE. LOL. Horses, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were still with him. Your feet must be cramped from all the tiptoeing. Gunny, I can't even begin to address your comment, as I only understood 1/3 of it if that. Awihon, you're right. I'm sure there is significant liver damage there. When he goes on these benders, he drops about 30lbs. I think he takes those 6 months of sobriety for his liver to repair itself, so he can do it all over again. But I'm pretty sure the percocets are really hard on the liver as well. I'm having a hard time this morning. I had a vivid dream about him, then he text messaged me first thing. I just feel like asking him why? Why the cheating? Why the lying? Why the verbal abuse? I forgot to mention the other day how he asked me for his wedding band back that he threw at me when I found out he was cheating. I told him that I threw it at his truck when he pulled out of the driveway. So he wrote back that he expects me to reimburse him for it at full market value. It's all about $$ with him. Anyway, don't worry folks...I'm not going to call him. Had a moment this morning, that's all.
MoonGirl Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I'm having a hard time this morning. I had a vivid dream about him, then he text messaged me first thing. I just feel like asking him why? Why the cheating? Why the lying? Why the verbal abuse? I forgot to mention the other day how he asked me for his wedding band back that he threw at me when I found out he was cheating. I told him that I threw it at his truck when he pulled out of the driveway. So he wrote back that he expects me to reimburse him for it at full market value. It's all about $$ with him. Anyway, don't worry folks...I'm not going to call him. Had a moment this morning, that's all. Reimburse him??? HE is the one who took it off his finger and threw it away. What a total and complete schmuck! This kind of conversation with him is ridiculous. Don't ask why...you already know the reason - he is an abusive narcissist! Glad you're strong enough to not call him. If you do call him, it will only show him that you're weak - and that's what he wants you to be. Be strong!
AHIWON Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Shecat28, here are a list of most of the abbreviations you will run into: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/faq.php?faq=messages#faq_acronyms I haven't figured out what AW is but just some guesses: Always Wrong, Angry Wanker, Angry Wife, Azz Wipe, Ape Wispier, Attractive Wife, Alcohol Withdrawal and Anal Warts. One or all of those terms may be applicable to your H. Good call on not making that phone call. Self control is a good thing.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I got tired of using WH (wayward husband) it makes me feel like a victim, so now I like to refer to him as AW husband. AW appearantly means the same throughout the northern hemisphere! Yeah, its azzwipe. Just feels better than WH.
ilmw Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I got tired of using WH (wayward husband) it makes me feel like a victim, so now I like to refer to him as AW husband. AW appearantly means the same throughout the northern hemisphere! Yeah, its azzwipe. Just feels better than WH. :lmao::lmao:...nice one!
Author shecat28 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 You guys are great. Everytime i pop in and read these messages...it makes me . Thank you. Awihon...thanks for the link...maybe I won't have to guess anymore, what people are trying to say, although sometimes it's funny what I come up with. I'm over the weak moment now. Didn't call and won't. Moongirl... Scmuck with a capital S. But of course no one else sees that side of him. I'm seeing a new therapist next week. The old one was trying way too hard to push the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy on me. I know it's the right way to treat my issues, but it's too soon and right now I want to recover slowly, but properly. This forum has been sooooo helpful. I swear I lost all my social skills with my spirit, individuality, and self esteem. Not to mention my friends. But it's funny how just talking to a bunch of strangers on line can be so fulfilling. Thanks again. Awihon..how are you holding up?
AHIWON Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 This forum has been sooooo helpful. I swear I lost all my social skills with my spirit, individuality, and self esteem. Not to mention my friends. But it's funny how just talking to a bunch of strangers on line can be so fulfilling. Thanks again. Awihon..how are you holding up? I am doing well and thanks for asking. My self esteem was way down for years, now it's way up and improving by the day. I actually like myself again and am excited about my future. I'm almost my old self again only wiser. I have some new friends and am getting a social life back. Life is good again and it's going to keep getting better. I was at a high in my life many years ago then slowly hit rock bottom. I'm on my way to the top again and I intend to stay there. And you are certainly right about how fulfilling it is to talk to a bunch of strangers online. They are turning into friends. When I am away from the pc, I wonder how many of the folks on here are doing. I have no inhibitions about sharing my feelings here on LS, the only people I will do that with IRL (in real life) are females who happen to be new friends and 1 sister of mine. I didn't have any long term female friends. Still can't talk at that level with male friends IRL but no problem online. I printed out this post and taped it next to my bathroom mirror so I see it every morning and will never forget it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1098233&postcount=1
Author shecat28 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! This is killing me.
Gunny376 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I am doing well and thanks for asking. My self esteem was way down for years, now it's way up and improving by the day. I actually like myself again and am excited about my future. I'm almost my old self again only wiser. I have some new friends and am getting a social life back. Life is good again and it's going to keep getting better. I was at a high in my life many years ago then slowly hit rock bottom. I'm on my way to the top again and I intend to stay there. And you are certainly right about how fulfilling it is to talk to a bunch of strangers online. They are turning into friends. When I am away from the pc, I wonder how many of the folks on here are doing. I have no inhibitions about sharing my feelings here on LS, the only people I will do that with IRL (in real life) are females who happen to be new friends and 1 sister of mine. I didn't have any long term female friends. Still can't talk at that level with male friends IRL but no problem online. I printed out this post and taped it next to my bathroom mirror so I see it every morning and will never forget it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1098233&postcount=1 BTW ~ Good Post! Good thread!
Author shecat28 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks Gunny...I was a bit upset last night...BUT I did not call him. i just want to move on, and this whole separation/mediation thing is taking forever. Yesterday he text messaged me something that indicated that he was still human...and like my sister says..the minute he is remotely decent towards me, I melt....All he has to do is say please or thank you and I grasp onto that as a sign of hope...although I know that it's not...I haven't gotten any of those books yet...I am swamped with the course that I'm taking...which by the way Moongirl, if you're around...he warned me not to use any of his money to pay for more schooling for myself...how dare I try to better myself...I have an appointment with a new therapist next week...Things have got to get better...I can see the wrinkles and bags appearing as I type!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Shecat, The healing begins when you give up hope. After I asked for a divorce he was FURIOUS! The anger was incredible. How dare I? Then he got happy and enjoyed single life. Then 2 months before the court date he pulled himself together and decided that he didn't want to loose atleast half of everything. He used everything to manipulate me, ask me back, played on everything he knew that would get to me. More promises. And I stupidly decided that it wouldn't hurt to give it one more chance, after all what did I have to loose. I dropped the suit one day before our 21st anniversary (which meant that all evidence of adultry would no longer be considered). I later found out that he was sleeping with OW that week. THESE MEN ARE MASTER MANIPULATORS. That is how they operate. My mantra is "I cant fix this" Be prepared. He will try to get you back. He will play on every emotion you have. He will BLAME you, BEG you, THREATEN you, HARRASS you, and spread his story as HE is the victim and YOU have used him terribly. Actually, I wasn't over him then, so one thing that I did gain from staying is that I'm finally over him, its a wonder though that I didn't end up dead by my own hand, could have gone either way. DON'T talk to him. DON'T give him the opportunity to use any of these things against you.
Author shecat28 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Horses...it sounds like he wore you down til you caved in. I've been really good to limiting our correspondence to e-mail or text messaging. He suggested that we communicate occassionally by phone regarding our child, but I nixed that because everytime he has an opportunity to say something rude or derrogatory, he will, knowing that unless I'm recording him, there will be no record of him saying those things. I'm sad because when I'm lonely, I remember the good times we had...but then I can remember probably 100 crappy things for every good one there was. Thanks for the advice.
AHIWON Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Put down your foot and tell him that your discussions are limited to talking about your kid, nothing else. I know what that controlling behavior feels like. It's hard to resist sometimes too but do it, you will feel better about it after. You take your power back.
Author shecat28 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Awihon...is your SO out of the house now? What happened with the dogs? Mine got one of our dogs when he was 7 weeks old, way before he and I ever got together. Can you believe he has seen the dog only once since he's moved out? It was his dog before I was even his wife and he left him behind with me. I don't mind because I love the dog...I just think that you have to be pretty cold hearted to do that and not look back. I believe that the way someone cares for his pet shows alot about his character...or lack thereof. I know I sound bitter....I am!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 It absolutely GREAT to vent. Vent away!!! When we were divorcing it killed me that I knew I wouldn't be able to keep the dog (he likes my H best anyway) but who would I have to confide it. The dog was the only friend I could trust!
AHIWON Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Awihon...is your SO out of the house now? What happened with the dogs? Mine got one of our dogs when he was 7 weeks old, way before he and I ever got together. Can you believe he has seen the dog only once since he's moved out? It was his dog before I was even his wife and he left him behind with me. I don't mind because I love the dog...I just think that you have to be pretty cold hearted to do that and not look back. I believe that the way someone cares for his pet shows alot about his character...or lack thereof. I know I sound bitter....I am! She is away for tonight thank god. She has spent the last 4 days here trying to get a rise out of me. Didn't work and it's pissing her off. My feelings towards her are indifference. A settlement isn't even close based on the pathetic pre separation agreement I got from her lawyer. Doggies are still here, she knows they are mine now. I love my dogs. They are so cool and nonjudgmental. A trait we humanoids could sure use. I've been on lavalife lately just to see whats out there and to see if I can still appear attractive to women. Remember I haven't dated since I was 18 and need to see if I am capable of this. Something unexpected has happened. I met a wonderful woman that I match with 110 percent. This has never happened before in my life. Never. Chatting with her is almost like a dream. Our morals and values are exactly the same. I think she has been thru something similar to me and found the same path to recovery. I don't know her details yet but I think I'm going to rather soon. She has hinted about her past and our connection. I've told her in summary what I've been thru. We connect on so many levels I can't fathom it. Where was she 20 years ago..... I'm trying to be cautious but this woman is making me melt. This seems too soon but I doubt I'll ever meet someone else that I could connect at such a level. One thing that is holding me back a bit is she is very attractive physically. In the past I've found really attractive women too needy and full of themselves. She isn't like that at all. This is almost too good to be true. I'm smitten! I'd rather not let her slip away. It feels like I've found my soul mate. I hope the timing isn't going to wreck things for us. I'm going to take this slow and cautious. Seems like something magical is in the works. I know people are thinking "rebound" but this is different.
Author shecat28 Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 You know what Awihon? Whatever it takes to get the X off your mind and out of your life. If it works out with this person you just met...great...if not...well, at least you know you've still got it. Good for you...good for your dogs. Horses...you truly are an inspiration. You've been through a long, tough battle and survived. There is hope for me after all. Thanks for listening.
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