forbidenlove Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 For those of you who don't know my story..Me and MM have been together for about 8 months,First everything was just physical,but soon emotions started getting in the way,so things got serious..MM told me he "loved me" in about 5 months of our R..He calls me several times a day,we see each other itleast twice a week,sometimes more..he becomes possesive/jealous (says that he dons't want me to be with anyone else),tells me "im the only one he wants to be with" you know the usuall Bull sh-t MM tell the OW (that we sadly choose to believe) I even met his family,we pretty much come inseperable/reeeally close.BUT he NEVER mentioned his W (I knew he was married,but didn't ask Q's about his Marriage) he Just said that they "don't have sex",because she is always mad at him (gee-I wonder why) I have had it with us sneaking around,me feeling like im always SECOND best,not a priority,him PLAYING GAMES (saying one thing but yet doing another) us not spending but two hours or three at the MOST together (when we do see eachother--witch isn't often) mainly because of the fact that he is a work-a-holic...W stays home (their kids are both in school) so MM works two jobs in order to provide for his family.Witch hey is understandable and I told him myself that a REAL man provides/takes care of his family and that I admire that he is a hard worker..so because of him working ALL THE TIME he is rarely home ..so i think that is a MAJOR strain in their M ,and that he is always LYING...I have caught him in so many lies..He has never in the 8 months we have known each-other Taken me out on a "real" date.We have only gotten hotel rooms,drinks,a bite to eat, nothing NORMAL couples do when they date. Anyway I have gotten to the POINT were I am just FED UP/can't take his constant Sh-t anymore.. Tonight He and I met up for a couple of hours,so we could talk.I have had alot on my mind,un-answerd Q's that I needed to get out.I finally ask him if He would ever Leave his W for me ..and he says that he can't "answer that question " umm Ok,WTF??? but he did say that he has alot of problems in his Marriage,trouble with finainces,ect ..He said that him and his W MIGHT be seperated one day..tomorrow,or wenever..he dosn't know when. I then asked him WHY he was messing around behind his W's back,and WHAT he wanted from me.. he said that he "cares/loves Me" that he found something in me that W dosn't have,I make him happy..blah blah blah.. Well i told him that our R wasn't going anywhere,I am not getting any younger (im in my 20's but still!) that I want to settle down one day,have more kids,ECT so I really don't see why I would waste my or his time by being in this so called "R'.He said does that mean you don't want to be with me anymore?? I said "No".I do love him,but let's be REAL he said he loves his W ,so I know the chances of me and him ever being together/him leaving his W our very slim to none..They have children,a home,HISTORY together, when me and him have only known each other for 8 month's ...I broke down in tears,and he of course held me and told me he loved me,that he wasn't seeing any one else/didn't want to loose me,and so on.....I just don't know anymore..I wish we would of met under different circumstances,as hard as it's going to be I just need to LET GO..he clearly dosn't want to be with JUST me,he wants the best of both worlds..a OW to fufill what W can't or won't.But I can't wait around for him to decide what he wants....I can do so much better,he will never change,i know if I stop seeing him he will be devestated but probaly would replace me with someone new,without even thining twice.I just need to stop being in denial about the whole thing.. He is married ,and he said so himself that he LOVES HIS W.. So why?? why and how can they possibly do that to someone that they supposly "love"????? That isn't LOVE! If he thinks it is then he has another thing coming...and he surely most not Love me!
overandout Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 He sounds a bit like my xmm--not as much as a bast--d of mine--at least your mm will actually talk to you. However the end result will be the same; he isn't leaving home. He has told you that he loves his wife, giving you all the doesn't know what the future holds crap, just to string you along. Hell, no one knows what what the future holds--I might be run over by a bus--more likely thrown under the bus actually. But he can change his future if he wants to, but he is telling you that is unlikely. He doesn't take you out anywhere; this means that he enjoys the physical relationship with you and doesn't want to risk his marriage by being seen out with you. He goes out with his wife. You are there for entertainment to spice up his dull marriage. You say that you want children; well even if he left does he want to start a new family. He plays games--saying one thing and doing another--it is all part of the control game. But it also says something about his character; deceptive, insincere, unreliable, inconsistent, to name a few. If he left to be with you he would bring these character traits into your relationship and he would have an ex wife to deal with too. He could be the sort of man who might keep yo yoing between the two of you. But the fact that he says he loves his wife is telling you loud and clear that he is staying put and will have the affair as long as it suits him. If you get too needy and questioning then he may end it because it is not fun for him. I think you know that you deserve and want more. I let my mm go and I think you will be happier if you do the same, because you are chasing a pipe dream, an illusion that will never become reality. It is hard but when you look at the reality of the situation, it will become easier. The broken dates, waiting for the phone that doesn't ring when it should, his hurried departures, the loneliness when he has gone, xmas alone, vacations alone and in bed alone. Try and move on for yourself, but you have to mean it or he may try and rope you back in to the same old cycle. You are very young, don't waste your life on him. Good luck whatever you decide.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Sorry, but I guess I don't see how you expect him to up and leave his wife, change his whole life and be with you. He has ALOT to give up for the "unknown." Sure, he cares about you, probably has feelings for you too, but he is selfish! He wants to have you in his life, and not give anything up. Don't stick around and be his meal on the side. You deserve better and more! You just won't get that from him. .I finally ask him if He would ever Leave his W for me ..and he says that he can't "answer that question " umm Ok,WTF??? but he did say that he has alot of problems in his Marriage,trouble with finainces,ect ..He said that him and his W MIGHT be seperated one day.. How long has he been married? Cuz if you're expecting him to give EVERYTHING up for you, open your eyes. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to have your eyes opened. You've been with him for 8 months - It's unrealistic to think he's going to end his marriage. You're having an affair with him, you're the OW. What he said to you is VERY telling - Read between the lines, k. IF he wanted out of his marriage, he'd do it NOW...But, he hasn't. And, his line about his marriage being on the rocks, and he MAY separate one day, is such crap! You probably don't want to believe that he's lying to you, but he is. Not malciously, but he IS lying to you - Keeping you interested in him, giving you enough to give you hope. Listen to everybody else, dump him.
IpAncA Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 You can do so much better. If you want a family and children one day I would suggest you dump this guy and find one who isn't taken. And if you dumped this guy, I would bet that he would find some OW to fulfill what his wife doesn't. If he really wanted to be with you he would have filed for divorce already.
Guest Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 men know how to tell women what they want just to get them to open their legs. they will even go as far as to lie about wanting to get a D and then marry the OW. yeah it hurts, but the mm can easily cut her off when things don't start going her way bc he still has his life with his wife and kids..... think about it.
Author forbidenlove Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 ALL OF YOU have gaven Great advice..I don't expect him to leave his W ,matter of fact deep down I knew he wouldn't,he has been married for (this is what he says,so who knows if it's been longer!) about 9 yrs.I just wanted/NEEDED to know for myself so I wouldn't give my self false hopes,and so it would be easier GETTING OUT of this R, knowing that It's probaly NEVER going anywhere or will be nothing more but what it is (an A!) I do need to dump him,and I know he is full of sh-t! For all I know,him and his W could have a great marriage/with no problems/like he proclaims.. It's just not easy..It never is when emotions are involved..I kn ow he does CARE FOR ME,but not like he CARES for his W..I need the strength to move on ,im in a state were I know NO ONE ,so I am very lonely,a single mother raisng my child by myself..and here he comes in my life making me feel GOOD.......It will be hard,but it's something that has to be done. I knew what I was getting myself into ,just never thought I would fall so hard for him.
sb129 Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 FL- I was a little hard on you on prev threads. But I agree with everyone else on this one. Dump his ass. Don't be a side dish. He isn't even bothering to make empty promises to you. What a rat. You can do better...
Moai Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 He loves nobody but himself, regardless of what he says. He doesn't love his wife, or he would not do what he does to her. He doesn't love you, or he would leave his wife before deepening his relationship with you.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 question...do any of you ever give a rat's ass about the kids you want your so-called wonderful MM to leave?
Kamille Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 It actually really doesn't sound like you are in love with him... I mean, I would never consider myself in love, and certainly would never consider a relationship, with someone I obviously couldn't trust. And what leaps off the page is that you don't and can't trust him. Moving on might be hard because you feel lonely and vulnerable in that new state you live in. It is also likely to be your opportunity to actually get to know people there and, golly, date in public spaces (which will helo you get acquainted with the state)! I think that having an affair is actually holding you back.
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