TheOne27 Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I found this website through the internet- I was looking for somehwere to write how I feel because I know alot of people in my life are getting sick of hearing me talk about the way I feel. Its hard when alot of them have never been through something like this before. Anyways, Its been about a month since my break up me and my ex were together for 8 years. We had a great time together, we never faught, we always laughed and yes in the last little while things were getting hard with us spending time together because we were both working two jobs. I went away for a business trip and when I came back he said we needed to talk. He told me that he was very unhappy in his own life and needed to figure out alot of things for himself- job wise he was very unhappy. He said I had matured and figured out alot of things for myself and he felt that it wasent fair that I was always the one trying to hold us together. He needed time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. I understand why he wanted to do this because he wasent a very happy person in the last two months we were together-I guess I was just angry that he wouldnt let me be there for him and help him along the way, like he had helped me figure out my life. Its hard right now because we work together at out night jobs- we dont have to see eachother its a pretty big place- but usually after our shifts are done he wil stop by to see how I am doing and ask me about my business. Its like we never broke up when were together. The other night he walked me to my car and gave me the biggest hug and told me he loved me. Which was great to hear but so confusing at the same time. We dont talk outside of work- Im heading to Europe In about a month and he was happy for me and jelous at the same time but this was something I needed to do to get away from all of this. I am so confused-its like he wanted to let go- but he cant. I want to belive that he will find his way back to me but then I dont want to sit here waiting and hoping. Maybe I just wasent the girl for him and he needs someone totally different then me to help him with his life....or maybe this is us being friends? I habe no idea- Im so lost and dont know what to do or say.and i dont want to call and ask him because I think that will just annoy him more then anything. He wont tell people that we know mutually through work that we have broken up- ppl are so surprised when i break the new to them.does anyone have any advice?
Auqakuh Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I can only think of one piece of advice, and a very wise lady told me this. (One of my exes, in fact... big reason why I keep in touch with all of them if possible... they rock.) Anyway, she said to me (not that long ago): "The only reason you ever come for me to advice is just to check what you already know. You know the answer already, but you want me to validate it for you somehow." So I'll say it to you. You know the answer, deep down. Just as I do, really. I daren't speak it aloud, however, because there's that strange almost superstitious belief that it might make it -not- so - or it might make it happen. You know by his actions, after eight years together, what he's thinking, what he's feeling. You want to talk to him to -check-, to be sure you're getting the right "read" on it. You want to know if it's wishful thinking - or fearful thinking - or whatever. Trust yourself a little, listen to yourself, and you'll know just what to do. But I will say that time apart creates a strange kind of division between people... in my experience that division isn't real, it's just perceived. We expect that we've missed so much, mourn that we were not there to see it, and if we try hard enough, we realise that it's a good thing, even if we wouldn't have asked for it to start with - because they've changed and we get to look at all the new things about them... just like when we first met them. Sometimes, sadly, people change too much - but they would have anyway, and it's important to understand that, I think. Good grief, listen to me. I may or may not know what the hell I'm talking about, really! But if it sounds true, it often is.
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