I was called....

March 18, 2007

hmmm, kind of like nonverbal compliments! I like that.

Oh, and I'm going to have to rent the BBC version of the movie. I've read the book and seen the theatrical movie. I guess I'm not much of a fan of most romantic movies.

While watching the movie, I kept thinking, "Just grab him already and roll around naked in that beautiful lush meadow!"

Thats why it was called Pride and Prejudice. Without these obstacles they would certainly be rolling and more much sooner

March 18, 2007

True, that's what makes the whole story dramatic.

Anyway, it must have been meant as a compliment when you were called "Mr. Darcy."

March 18, 2007

this whole thing about a guy playing games and 'holding back' showing affection for a while, not calling everyday, etc. all those "sexology strategies" are completely a moot point if you actually wait a month or two to get to ACTUALLY KNOW the person you're seeing and develop a relationship with them first. Sex right away, just because an attraction is there, makes things cloudy and the 'sexology games' begin. Greg Behrendt who wrote He's Just Not that Into You will attest to that, as well as lots of women who have put out right away to have a confused, freaked out guy afterwards not call and pull back, and even disappear. this doesn't mean he is a "jerk" or 'insecure', it just means that the early on sex has caused confused feelings and his natural instinct to pursue it anymore has been squelched because it's all been put out there for him, nothing more there for him because a foundation hasn't been built. This isn't saying you aren't touching, kissing and being intimate in other ways before you begin a completely sexual relationship, it's not like anyone's being "rejected." Quite the contrary, you're giving each other the gift of getting to know you and developing a bond.

If you develop a loving relationship before having sex, then you are building a foundation for truth, honesty, and a solid relationship with the "holding back" games being moot. You're just yourself because you're comfortable with yourself and that person.

If you are sleeping with someone quickly into dating, you basically have to assume to yourself that there is a great possibility of it not "sticking". Plus it's MUCH more amazing when you wait!

March 18, 2007

I agree, Bridget. Well said!

March 18, 2007

this whole thing about a guy playing games and 'holding back' showing affection for a while, not calling everyday, etc. all those "sexology strategies" are completely a moot point if you actually wait a month or two to get to ACTUALLY KNOW the person you're seeing and develop a relationship with them first. Sex right away, just because an attraction is there, makes things cloudy and the 'sexology games' begin. Greg Behrendt who wrote He's Just Not that Into You will attest to that, as well as lots of women who have put out right away to have a confused, freaked out guy afterwards not call and pull back, and even disappear. this doesn't mean he is a "jerk" or 'insecure', it just means that the early on sex has caused confused feelings and his natural instinct to pursue it anymore has been squelched because it's all been put out there for him, nothing more there for him because a foundation hasn't been built. This isn't saying you aren't touching, kissing and being intimate in other ways before you begin a completely sexual relationship, it's not like anyone's being "rejected." Quite the contrary, you're giving each other the gift of getting to know you and developing a bond.
If you develop a loving relationship before having sex, then you are building a foundation for truth, honesty, and a solid relationship with the "holding back" games being moot. You're just yourself because you're comfortable with yourself and that person.
If you are sleeping with someone quickly into dating, you basically have to assume to yourself that there is a great possibility of it not "sticking". Plus it's MUCH more amazing when you wait!

We werent talking about sex. We were talking about what triggers attraction. What is sexy and what is not.

About sex....Some people need two months to be sure, some know it instantly and some just dont care that much. No problem with that.

I tell you, when guy freaks out after sex with girl he was insecure Jerk (Jerks are full of insecurity btw) meaning he slept with her only for notch ...or she did something disgusting in bed.

March 18, 2007

Yes, and it's not game playing if you are "holding" back if your intention is to keep a slower pace, and keep your life's activities going.

That's something you are doing for yourself, not to "appear" busy or hard to get. You just simply are harder to get, and interested, too, but on your own timeline.

March 18, 2007

Just saw your post, Daniel.

Or the guy who freaks after sex could be scared/confused because of reasons that have nothing to do with the woman.

I've had guys get scared because they were worried about their performance and were afraid they could lose me after the first time being so-so in their mind.

March 18, 2007

Yes it is talking about sex because if you sleep with a guy right away all the cards are spilled onto the table right away, even cards which had no chance to develop or were not sure cards.

No, it doesn't make him an insecure Jerk. It's just that the sex happened too soon and it triggers that reaction. The "relationship" then is focused on sex usually and quickly burns itself out, not the guy's fault, but the bonding wasn't there to begin with and sex too soon destroys it often. Sex too soon just makes things really 'cloudy' and it's difficult to get through the cloud to clarity. (again, read that book. Greg Behrendt is right on the mark.)

Seriously read He's Just Not That Into You then get back to me. You can't have the most intimate act with someone right and not expect consequences. Games and confusion naturally follows. Not saying some couples can't make it past that, but it is about working though it and dealing with 'games' and confusion. You give both of yourselves the gift of a solid foundation if you wait a month or two, enough to build a relationship on before jumping in the sack.

We werent talking about sex. We were talking about what triggers attraction. What is sexy and what is not.

About sex....Some people need two months to be sure, some know it instantly and some just dont care that much. No problem with that.

I tell you, when guy freaks out after sex with girl he was insecure Jerk (Jerks are full of insecurity btw) meaning he slept with her only for notch ...or she did something disgusting in bed.

March 18, 2007

Just saw your post, Daniel.

Or the guy who freaks after sex could be scared/confused because of reasons that have nothing to do with the woman.

I've had guys get scared because they were worried about their performance and were afraid they could lose me after the first time being so-so in their mind.

Insecurity in form of shame? Yep. Another possibility.

March 18, 2007

I'll agree with that because if you have gotten to know them a couple months and spent time building a bond with them, the sex isn't going to be awkward and the man will definitely be more confident, and even if the sex is not perfect, the couple is more able to handle it and willing to work with it because they've come to know and care about each other.

sex right away = insecurity in bed, awkwardness in bed because you're getting naked with someone you really don't know well.

March 18, 2007

Yes it is talking about sex because if you sleep with a guy right away all the cards are spilled onto the table right away, even cards which had no chance to develop or were not sure cards.
No, it doesn't make him an insecure Jerk. It's just that the sex happened too soon and it triggers that reaction. The "relationship" then is focused on sex usually and quickly burns itself out, not the guy's fault, but the bonding wasn't there to begin with and sex too soon destroys it often. Sex too soon just makes things really 'cloudy' and it's difficult to get through the cloud to clarity. (again, read that book. Greg Behrendt is right on the mark.)
Seriously read He's Just Not That Into You then get back to me. You can't have the most intimate act with someone right and not expect consequences. Games and confusion naturally follows. Not saying some couples can't make it past that, but it is about working though it and dealing with 'games' and confusion. You give both of yourselves the gift of a solid foundation if you wait a month or two, enough to build a relationship on before jumping in the sack.

Yes it is true. Sex too early is a problem. But what is too early is individual.

You can wait with one guy 2 years and then meet another and sleep with him right away. Yes, then might come qualms....'Oh he thinks Im sl_t now' or 'What if he will dump me now' or 'I gave myself too easily'. Guys have none of these thoughts. They have qualms when they bed girl they have no serios attraction for. Why? Because it is easier for them to seduce her. So they leave because os qualms and b/c of no attraction/Interest Level. They are Jerks. They are f@cking girls which they have no or minimal interest in dating.

March 18, 2007

Yes the thing is, if these women they have sex with too soon would have waited and dated them a while, the guy would have seen how great these women really were and then wanted to date them but the women gave in to the guy too easily by sleeping with him too soon, thus blowing her chances of a relationship

March 18, 2007

Yes, and it's not game playing if you are "holding" back if your intention is to keep a slower pace, and keep your life's activities going.

That's something you are doing for yourself, not to "appear" busy or hard to get. You just simply are harder to get, and interested, too, but on your own timeline.

I dont think there is anything wrong with "playing" if one has sincere intentions.

On the other hand. If Im interested I will make time for tea and chat

March 18, 2007

Yes the thing is, if these women they have sex with too soon would have waited and dated them a while, the guy would have seen how great these women really were and then wanted to date them but the women gave in to the guy too easily by sleeping with him too soon, thus blowing her chances of a relationship

Yes and No. It depends. You are forgetting about certain things. Ego boost, nice piece of azz etc. When guy just needs to boost ego by bedding any girl , he even might not find her attractive (only when drunk maybe). So I tell my girl - friends. 'He should date you in public and sober.'

Im not sure a girl can blow her chances with a guy by sleeping with him early on IF the guy has high Interest level in her. Interest Level can go up or down in time but I dont think sex will cut her 50 points. Quite the contrary....when it takes too long guy gets frustrated and points go down. She is maybe viewed as excellent companion but not so good lover. What is too long? It depends if guy has other oportunities. If he is ego maniac. If he has some hope.....Until you sleep with him, he is not sure you wont dump him. When you are OK with sex with him, then he is more certain you wont go for somebody else. And he will have to go through all this with another girl.

March 18, 2007

It's easy to say that guys aren't like that and that sex won't ruin things, but it's subconscious. You don't know if there's 'high interest' until you go out with someone and find out more and get to know them. Yes, a woman is significantly blowing her chances of a relationship going anywhere with a guy if she gives out right away. Just the way it is. If a guy is crazy about a woman, he will be ecstatic to get to know her with her clothes on for two months, she's giving him (and herself) a gift. There's no frustration or torture which you say.

Read Greg Behrendt's book He's Just Not that Into You and get back to me before you say anything more about the sleeping with someone too soon thing. He met his future wife and relished in just dating her and getting to know her for two months before he took it to the next level and then they slept together. Two months is not that long, give me a break. A quality guy will stick around. a nonquality guy will get 'restless' and think there's no interest in the woman's part if she won't get naked for him. NOt to say you can't show affection and touch and makeout. Of course!

I would never go out with a drunk guy anyway so that type of advice to girl friends is common sense anyway.

I have confidence in myself, so getting to know someone and developing an intellectual and emotional bond with someone before taking my clothes of with them is not an issue. There is no worries of 'staking claim' and all that, sleeping with someone for quality people isn't about the race to get them to bed because then they are 'yours.' Men I date also have this confidence and they also think it is a thrill just to have the pleasure of getting to know me for a couple months and letting the attraction marinate into something special.

just read Greg Behrendt's book. He's awesome and totally gets it.

Sex is not the glue which ultimately holds a relationship together and makes it strong. In 6 months into a relationship that initial butterflies in stomach feelings and sexual passion starts to fade and is taken over by true love and feelings which have nothing to do with sex, in fact go much deeper beyond it. a relationship whose foundation is sex, as the one you describe as ideal, probably isn't going to make it much past that 6 months.

March 19, 2007

If there is sex on the first night, my thoughts are mostly ones that say: nice, maybe I should do this again with her.

If you get to know someone first you'll be thinking about more then just sex.

March 19, 2007

Thanks for proving my point, Swordfish. You're awesome.

March 19, 2007

It's easy to say that guys aren't like that and that sex won't ruin things, but it's subconscious. You don't know if there's 'high interest' until you go out with someone and find out more and get to know them. Yes, a woman is significantly blowing her chances of a relationship going anywhere with a guy if she gives out right away. Just the way it is. If a guy is crazy about a woman, he will be ecstatic to get to know her with her clothes on for two months, she's giving him (and herself) a gift. There's no frustration or torture which you say.
Read Greg Behrendt's book He's Just Not that Into You and get back to me before you say anything more about the sleeping with someone too soon thing. He met his future wife and relished in just dating her and getting to know her for two months before he took it to the next level and then they slept together. Two months is not that long, give me a break. A quality guy will stick around. a nonquality guy will get 'restless' and think there's no interest in the woman's part if she won't get naked for him. NOt to say you can't show affection and touch and makeout. Of course!
I would never go out with a drunk guy anyway so that type of advice to girl friends is common sense anyway.
I have confidence in myself, so getting to know someone and developing an intellectual and emotional bond with someone before taking my clothes of with them is not an issue. There is no worries of 'staking claim' and all that, sleeping with someone for quality people isn't about the race to get them to bed because then they are 'yours.' Men I date also have this confidence and they also think it is a thrill just to have the pleasure of getting to know me for a couple months and letting the attraction marinate into something special.
just read Greg Behrendt's book. He's awesome and totally gets it.
Sex is not the glue which ultimately holds a relationship together and makes it strong. In 6 months into a relationship that initial butterflies in stomach feelings and sexual passion starts to fade and is taken over by true love and feelings which have nothing to do with sex, in fact go much deeper beyond it. a relationship whose foundation is sex, as the one you describe as ideal, probably isn't going to make it much past that 6 months.

I just wouldnt like for some academic Greg to rule my love life. If I turn down a girl when she wants to have sex after we 'make out', she will be seriously pissed off. :D

March 19, 2007

That's because unfortunately lots of women today feel the way to get to a guy is through their pants, that is their way of competing to try to get a guy, instead of using their minds they feel they have to resort to that. They think 'Oh gee, I'm this sexy modern woman who'll give it up right away for the guy and in fact give my vagina to him on a silver platter' will blow the guy away and make him fall in love with her.

You seem to feel threatened by this academic Greg? Funny you should say that because his book is really common sense. Lots of women, like the ones who behave in the way you describe, need basic common sense.

I just wouldnt like for some academic Greg to rule my love life. If I turn down a girl when she wants to have sex after we 'make out', she will be seriously pissed off. :D

March 19, 2007

I think ending a make out session with a woman is a great trick. When she invites you in, and you leave her wanting more.... well some girls almost rape you the next time you see them.

Self control, eh?

(Now a really nasty remark: it depends on your timing.. )

March 19, 2007

Not me. I would just think it was late and time for him to go home. Usually in that situation the next time you saw each other, you'd be equally enthusiastic to see each other.

I think ending a make out session with a woman is a great trick. When she invites you in, and you leave her wanting more.... well some girls almost rape you the next time you see them.

Self control, eh?

(Now a really nasty remark: it depends on your timing.. )

March 19, 2007

That's because unfortunately lots of women today feel the way to get to a guy is through their pants, that is their way of competing to try to get a guy, instead of using their minds they feel they have to resort to that. They think 'Oh gee, I'm this sexy modern woman who'll give it up right away for the guy and in fact give my vagina to him on a silver platter' will blow the guy away and make him fall in love with her.
You seem to feel threatened by this academic Greg? Funny you should say that because his book is really common sense. Lots of women, like the ones who behave in the way you describe, need basic common sense.

I know couple of girls who have terrible personalities and on top of it they think guy has to love their mind first. Poor girls. They have no chance at all.

Threatened by Greg? Why should I? I dont sleep with girls I wouldnt date. And I dont give my penis on silver plate to anybody

March 19, 2007

Loving a person for their looks isn't loving the person though. This comment only confirms my point. And just because these supposed women with 'terrible personalities' aren't lovable by you, they are loveable by someone else. They probably have "terrible personalities" I imagine because they have confidence and aren't intrigued by you in the least bit.

The fact that a woman would respect herself and want to develop a bond and relationship with a guy before going to bed with him threatens you, not Greg Behrendt. You've stated this before in so many words, many times.

But you don't get it. Let's just end this post now.

March 19, 2007

Loving a person for their looks isn't loving the person though. This comment only confirms my point. And just because these supposed women with 'terrible personalities' aren't lovable by you, they are loveable by someone else. They probably have "terrible personalities" I imagine because they have confidence and aren't intrigued by you in the least bit.
The fact that a woman would respect herself and want to develop a bond and relationship with a guy before going to bed with him threatens you, not Greg Behrendt. You've stated this before in so many words, many times.
But you don't get it. Let's just end this post now.

You really hate me. You really do. You really try to hurt me. Fortunatelly you are wrong about me or I would be cutting my wrists now.

To make it clear. Only thing that "threatens" me (more like Im sad about it) is a girl who reads some book or whatever...doesnt get it....and thinks that being aloof, bitchy, arrogant is sign of confidence and not returning phone calls is sign she is independant and busy. end of story. Thats why I dont like rules and books. It is behavioral science most of the time when it should be self-improvement.

March 19, 2007

developing a relationship with a guy before having sex has nothing to do with being bitchy and aloof.

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