dbmu Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 me and my boyfriend been together for 2 years, and we've never had a problem with sex until recently. he tells me ive gained weight now he cnt even get turned on. im afraid he'll find it somewhere else. he tells he hardly finds me attractive anymore. but he claims he still loves me dearly. what do you think it is??? should i just lose alot of weight!!!
IpAncA Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 How much weight are we talking here? Did you gain a lot?
norajane Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 How do you feel about your boyfriend and how do you feel about your weight? It is possible for people to become less attracted after their partner gains weight. I'm sure he does love you, but he doesn't get turned on anymore if your shape has changed dramatically since you first started dating. If it's only a few pounds you've gained, then he's being very superficial, or he might have fallen out of love for some other reason.
Walk Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Maybe it's how you carry yourself with the added weight? I am by no means saying your bf's lack of desire is your fault. I find that incredibly superficial and ****ing insensitive of him to tell you what he did. I do know that when women gain weight, we tend to become more self-concious about our bodies. We dont' act as out-going and flirty as we might have if we were thinner. Which could cause a guy to lose interest sexually if the women looks more like a bump on the couch, then the sexual creature he was used to at a lower weight. I think you're caught in a catch twenty two now. You won't feel confident enough to try to be sexy aournd him (I wouldn't be after what he said), and yet in order to potentially arouse him you'd have to compensate by using words/actions as a tool to arouse him. My suggestions... talk to your bf about other ways you could arouse him. Ask if you've stopped doing certain things he enjoyed after you gained some weight, if you need to be more vocal during sex... Ask him to work with you on this problem instead of just judging you. To find solutions rather than criticizing. Maybe he would be willing to work with you on trying new things that might help him become aroused again... other then the "just visual" way he's been focused on. Verbal, mental, play off a fantasy he has... start talking about your body and it's positives. Being bigger usually means fuller breasts. Talk about how hot your new body is, as it is. More padding on you means he can really go to town and not slam hip bones into hip bones. Really play up the positives. Also, I'd suggest exercise and getting in shape... not necessarily with the goal of losing weight, but to be healthier. They've done studies that show exercise helps against depression and increases the feel good endorphins. Finding some hobbies that are more physically active then you have been pursuing. And taking some time for yourself to contemplate what kind of partner YOU want in life. I think spending some time getting back in touch with why you are a great person would help in the long run. Maybe not with this guy, but for any relationship you might have. You need to understand your own worth. The better you feel about yourself, then the less dependent you'll be on this guys attention. Anyway... I have one hard fast rule in life. I won't be with a man who can't find me desirous when I'm fat. Right now I'm about 30lbs heavier then I was when I started dating my bf (3 yrs ago). I know the most people gain weight over the course of our lives. Our metabolism slows, pregnancy tends to add pounds that are hard to take off, we become less physically active as jobs and life get in the way... I want someone who can accept me as I am, not judge me if I don't look like a super model the rest of my life. I'm harsh enough on myself, I sure as hell don't need my partner who only wants me when I look perfect. I would never expect that of my partner, and I don't want someone doing that to me.
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