Still Hopeful Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Me and my bf broke up like 6 months ago. Through the entire break-up we lived togehter. We are planning to get our own apartments at the beginning of April. We decided that once we are in seperate apartments that we will try to work on our relationship. No promises of getting back together we just said that we will start dating, and thinking about being back togehter. We also said that we won't date other people until we are 100% sure that we aren't going to be togehter. Some history: I broke up with him after a year and a half. Throughtout the entire relationship i was always out and about with my friends at the club and talking to other dudes. I never cheated, just had flirty conversations. He would always find out, we would break up and then get back together. The last time I broke up with him, I made it seem like I was leaving him for another guy, it only lasted a week and I wanted to get back together. He wasn't having it though. So throughout our entire break-up, I've been tryng to show him that I have change. I have really realized that I love him and want to make our relationship work. He's been reluctant to come back to me and has been saying that he needs space. It's impossible for me to give him space while we live together so we are getting our own apartments... That brings us current... He is saying that he is ready to try to work things out once we move to seperate places. We've never been in a relationship and not lived togehter. Our bond is still great though. We still spend all of our time together, talk about everything, play fight, etc, just about everything that we did when we were together. He's going through the process of adopting my daughter and everything. To me, it seems like we have a recipe for success but he's not sure. He says that it seems like it would work, but right now, the way he feels with us living together that he is unsure. I just want to know if y'all think it would work or if you had any advice on second chances. things i should or shouldn't do. look forward to reading your advice.....
thecount Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Well, he wants his space you're just going to have to give it to him. This thing about going out and about. What's up with that? and what's up with all the flirting thing? What do you mean you made it "seem" like you left him for another guy? All this back and forth stuff is enough to make anyone crazy. He's right for wanting to leave. The fact that he's in the process to adopt your daughter sounds like he's a good guy. I went through the samething your ex is going through. Only without the adoption. I know what it's like, he loves you, but can't trust you. My ex has sworn that she would change. I certainly didn't see it, and just recently did she show any signs of compasion when I got into a car accident. But she's still the same, nothing has changed. So I just wrote it off like I fell off the weagon, and now I'll be good again without the nonsense. You really want to get him back? prove to him that you have changed, not will change, but did change. It's not going to happen over night, and while he's out in his apartment, make sure that you're sincere about not dating anyone else. The flirting thing has to calm down a little too. Nothing wrong with innocent flirting, but if you're at a bar, and you're flirting like that. you're just asking for trouble. Good luck.
StillHopeful Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 ....thank you for the advice. When i say that I was out and about, I mean that I was always away from home, I was either at my friends house, out of town, at the club, anywhere but home. and when I say that I made it seem like I left him for another guy, I told him that i met someone and that person had my attention. I asked him what he was going to do to keep my attention at home and he said nothing, so i broke up with him. But like I said, it only lasted like a week before I missed my boyfriend... But check this out, me and him got into an arguement last night. He comes home and puts his phone on silent. What kind of stuff is that? It made me so upset. I feel like he's trying to hide something. He says that he did it cause if his phone would have rang then I would have had an attitude. I just don't understand, if me and him are supposed to be exlusive until we try again, then why is he trying to hide his phone. do you think he's talking to someone else. all this would be so easy if we just didn't have to live together. If i didn't have to see all of this. well now my heads all messed up... don't know if this is worth continuing
thecount Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 So you told him that you left him for another guy because you wanted his attention? When you say you missed him. what do you really miss. Him for his company? That feeling you have that he's hiding something. Go with that feeling. That's your gut is telling you he's up to something. Do you get upset when his phone rings? If you both decided to be exlusive then you both have to abide by that rule, or you don't stand a chance. The other thing is why were you always out and about? did you not like staying home with him, or going out with him? Sometimes you can love someone, but not really like their company. At that point you have to leave, or you will end up cheating on him, and that wouldn't be fair at all. You have to make up your mind on what it is you want out of this relationship, and then you tell him. See if he wants the samething. Thats the only way you will ever know if you both can work this out. Communicate.
StillHopeful Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 I use to got all the time because I liked the attention. My bf hardly ever gave me compliments. It was times that I would spend hours getting ready to go out with him and I would go downstairs and he wouldn't say anything. And I know that may be a small thing, but it's those little things. I would go out and get told how beautiful I am and stuff like that. He says that he didn't compliment me because he thought that I was concieted. As far as going with my gut on whether or not he's trying to hide something. It's like my gut tells me to be more confident and secure in myself. He's the only guy that I have ever had these type of feelings for. I usually have a wall of steel up, somehow he got through to my heart. But I know deep down in the bottom of my heart that he is not the type of guy to cheat or lie or anything like that. It's just that i feel insecure. Maybe it's because I wasn't a good girlfriend to him, that I feel he might try to "get me back". but he's not even that type of person. He's wonderful. I wish I would have realized these feelings at the beginning of our relationship. I love him with all of my heart. I feel so satisfied with having him. I don't feel the need to go out and get compliments from other guys, i don't go to the club or anything like that. For some reason I feel a since of urgency as far as our relationship. It's like i feel that everything has to happen now, like there's no tomorrow. if I could get control of my emotions everything would be fine, it's just so hard. I have all these feelings inside. He told me today that he loves me and that he wants to try to make things work. He told me that he wants to take things slowly this time. I love that man! I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
thecount Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I have a friend that said the samething about her b/f. He doesn't compliment her. She turns heads everytime she goes out. SHe is a very beautiful woman, but is very insecure when her man doesn't tell her how beautiful she is. Its not silly, this is what you want. Nothing wrong with that at all. He left because of the same reason you have split up, he was having a hardtime trusting her. I told her to sit down and talk calmly with him, and tell him just how you feel. Never tell a guy that you can have any guy out there. That never works, its a silly thing to say anyway. It sounds pathetic. Have a real converstation with him, and let him tell you what he wants also. Anyway the talk they had worked, they are together again, and stronger then ever. SHe had a lot of work, she had to prove to him that she wasn't the type of person that would go out and cheat. It started slow and at times a little rocky, but they build it from there, and it's a solid relationship, because the truley love each other. If you truley love this guy, you can make it work. As long as you both are commited to this no one or anything will break you up. It's both your choice, and today is a better time to start then ever. Good luck to you.
daphne Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I agree with the count. I think this could be salvageable but you're going to have to stop playing games. You need to tell him what you need. If everyone else gives you attention and he thinks that by making you feel attractive to him that your'e conceited, maybe he really isn't the one for you. But you do need to discuss it at some point in a non threatening way. Don't let him know you can get anyone else. It's low rent and he'll resent it. He probably already knows you can get a lot of guys. No reason to rub his nose in it. You need to stop acting immaturely and communicate what you need/want from him. Be vulnerable enough to ask without demanding and let him know it makes you feel good when he does certain things. There are better ways of getting things from a guy.
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