justanothermother Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I recently just lost a contract job. I am/was a WAHM with two kids under two. I was working, taking care of the kids, and the house while my significant other (and children's father) was able to sleep in until the late afternoon hours and pretty much do whatever he wanted. I was paying for the lion's share of the bills and bought everything our children have. Now that I am going through a rough patch I wanted him to step up and take more responsiblity and he's just pointing fingers at me. He knows (as do I) that his boss wants him to work full time hours but he won't. All I've heard on the subject is that *I* better do something and fast. If I can find more work online, that's one thing but finding work outside the home is going to be an issue for me right now. I have a phobia of driving and don't have a licence. He will not get up in the morning and help me (watch the kids or drive them to daycare) and I don't think it's realistic to expect me to haul two babies to a bus stop in the freezing cold every morning. He makes me feel as though losing this job is my cross to bear alone. Is it wrong of me to want him to be a provider for once? He wouldn't even get into a conversation about it with me. Just tells me that "I better do something". Is he a lazy jerk or am I just expecting too much?
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Why won't he work more hours? Does he have a medical problem or have depression? Does he work around the house, clean up, cook meals, do laundry etc? Or does he just laze around doing whatever he pleases while you raise the kids and provide for the whole family?
Author justanothermother Posted March 12, 2007 Author Posted March 12, 2007 Why won't he work more hours? Does he have a medical problem or have depression? Does he work around the house, clean up, cook meals, do laundry etc? Or does he just laze around doing whatever he pleases while you raise the kids and provide for the whole family? He claims to have depression but doesn't act depressed. Don't see why he'd be depressed. He's done whatever he pleases whenever he pleases without being nagged or prodded. Most men would kill for that. He plays video games all night, goes out whenever he wants, and sleeps half of the day away. He does not help around the house much at all but does his own laundry.
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 He plays video games all night, goes out whenever he wants, and sleeps half of the day away. He does not help around the house much Being unmotivated, not caring, or even trying to DO anything IS depression. You don't have to sit and cry to have depression. He needs to talk to his Dr about this, seek some counselling, maybe even go on meds to help him get out of this depression. How long has he been like this?
Author justanothermother Posted March 12, 2007 Author Posted March 12, 2007 Being unmotivated, not caring, or even trying to DO anything IS depression. You don't have to sit and cry to have depression. He needs to talk to his Dr about this, seek some counselling, maybe even go on meds to help him get out of this depression. How long has he been like this? He won't go to any doctor for any reason. Nevermind meds. He's weird. Honestly, I don't think he is depressed and if he is it's low grade. He certainly seems motivated enough to become a level sixty something mage with uber magic armor enhancements. He seems excited enough about things he enjoys doing. As far as I am concerned, it's a cop out. I've suffered from severe depression since I was a kid. Suicide attempts, self-injury and the like but when you are a parent you have to suck it up and do what you have to do. Parents are supposed to put their children's needs first.
JackJack Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Sounds more along the lines of him just not wanting to step up to the plate and take on a little more responsibilty. I'm not saying by no means, he might not be depressed, but if he was depressed, even just mildly he wouldn't be doing these other things he is doing. Funny how he can do all these other things, but the minute some more responsibilty from him is needed he claims depression.
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Well, if he won't go to the Dr and get help, then you have to decide how much you're going to put up with. Sooner or later you're going to resent him for what he's NOT doing and your marriage will suffer because of it. Maybe he needs a wake up call.... You need to lay down the law and TELL him what you expect of him.
Guest Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Ask him if his level 60 mage can summon a regular paycheck for him. Or if it can summon groceries and household necessities, help pay the bills, etc. Maybe he can summon his mage pet to drive you and the children where you all need to go. I, too, have a husband that spends every second of his free time in a video game. We use to play together and I won't lie and say that I have never been "obsessed" too because I have been in the past. But I finally decided that I wanted to spend my extra time in Real Life rather than in a game all the time. Unlike yours, my husband has always worked full time and together we have provided for our family. But neither my children or I get HIS attention. Money can't buy that unfortunately.
Author justanothermother Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 But neither my children or I get HIS attention. Money can't buy that unfortunately. I know how that feels. He hasn't taken me out anywhere in about a year. I am lucky if he spends five minutes during the day to talk to me. Most of the time, I am ignored. I do not exist unless he wants something.
Very_Confused Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Justanothermother, It sounds like your husband may have a gaming addiction. There are actually support groups out there for wives/husbands who feel that a game has taken over their husband/wife's life. And that addiction is not limited to men, women are just as susceptible. My son and husband both play online games so a Mage character makes me think perhaps it's something like World of Warcraft or Everquest? Both of those are online multi-player role-playing games and it's very easy to get "too attached" to the people you meet while playing. It is a fantasy world and you can "be whoever you want to be". Is it possible that your husband has developed an online relationship with someone he plays with? Take it from someone who has first-hand knowledge of the addiction, how easy it is to become attached to those "friends", and how it can permanently damage your relationship if you let it. Best of luck to you.
Author justanothermother Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 but, am I being unreasonable for wanting him to pull my weight until I figure something out financially? I don't want to make unreasonable demands. I just don't know what to do. It's not that I don't want to work. I am not lazy. I just don't see how I can swing a job outside the house in my current situation. I have no idea what to do.
justpassingthrough Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 but, am I being unreasonable for wanting him to pull my weight until I figure something out financially? It's not unreasonable for you to expect him to help support the children. When the electricity goes off he might just get off his duff and decide it's not just your problem to solve.
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