Brian1977 Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I did a terrible thing- go ahead and lay into me, I know I deserve it. I had a great relationship with my girlfriend of three years. We were having some problems- I didnt' think she spent enough time with me and my son and even though she never dated anyone with a child she was so good to my son. she did more for him than his own mother. But I was totally stupid and all she did wasnt' enough and for some reason I can't explain I cheated on her. It was only a one night stand with a female friend. I didn't plan it. It just happened. My girlfriend was three hours away for the weekend visiting her family and this friend of mine stopped by just to talk. Well she didn't leave and she started taking my clothes off and her clothes off and I wasn't even attracted to her (she is heavy) but I had sex with her. It was really quick. I didnt' even make sure she enjoyed it. It was a totally selfish act. I felt terrible about it but decided not to hurt my girlfriend by telling her what happened. I stopped talking to that friend even though after that she wanted to be with me again. I ignored her calls. I felt very guilty but figured it would never happen again. Well I started talking to the friend again and my girlfriend found out about her. She suspected I'd slept with her for some reason and I denied it but guilt was too much and finally I confessed. she was devastated and I hate myself for doing this to her. I have no idea why I did what I did. I love my girlfriend, she is more than I deserve. I was just missing her and I was horny and this girl was willing. I wasn't even attracted to her. My girlfriend is beautiful, she has a perfect body, is about 100 lbs and absolutely gorgeous. SHe is also so good with my son and she is my best friend. This other girl, though I liked talking to her and I've known her for years she is not what one would call attractive. She is very overweight and her body is not appealing and she does not have a cute face even. So this is someone I'm not attracted to at all. Which makes it even worse for my girlfriend. Besides being deeply hurt she says she is insulted that I would have sex with someone so "gross". I dont' understand why she is even comparing herself to this other female because there is no comparision, my girlfriend is stunning compared to this girl. My girlfriend is also smart, has a good job and a good head on her shoulders. She is funny and sweet and sexy and absolutely everythign that this other girl is not. THe other girl has no job, lives with her parents still, and is very moody all the time. So I never had any interest in dating her and my girlfriend doesnt' understand that. I dont' know why i didnt' appreciate my girlfriend. I've not cheated on anyone before and not sure why I did this time. My girlfriend has left me and I miss her so much. I want her back. I need her. She was my best friend and I am so so sorry and I know I"d never do this to her again. I have too much to lose. I can't bear not talking to her. I've told her I'd do anything to win her back and she is just too mad at me right now to listen. I can't get through a day without wanting to see her, to make it all better. What can I do? She wants to know why I did what I did and I just have no answer. I told her it was a mistake and I wasn't doing it to hurt her. It just happened and i can promise her it will never happen again. How can I win her trust back?
4whatItsWorth Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 First of all, you need to stop talking trash about the female friend you slept with. Telling us how non-repulsive you find her doesn't have ANYTHING to do with the problem. And frankly, it appears as if you're trying to validate the situation somehow by assuring everyone our eyes would fall out if we ever saw her. You already had decided to cheat on your girlfriend when those clothes started coming off - because I doubt the clothes taking off was just her part. So you just stood there like a zombie watching all the items fall to the floor? I have a reason to doubt that. Anyhow, I've heard before most affairs actually are with a woman much uglier than the gf/w - so appearance has nothing to do with it. (So stop saying "gross") and it did not "just happen". It takes two to tango - and apparantly you made some smooth moves even if you didn't care about pleasing the girl. Anyway, I think to have sex with someone and not even have a reason for it is almost worse than having one. Perhaps you're a very demanding person, who in spite of tons of attention never finds it enough? It sounds a bit like that. All you can do as it is, is deal with your own issues first of all. If it happened once, it can happen twice. After that is done, you should contact your ex and ask her to give you another chance, perhaps sharing steps you've gone to deal with your issues. Take it one step at a time, and let her know how much she means to you and how much of a mistake it was. But do NOT keep repeating "it just happened" - you're not fooling anybody. I think she'd rather have an explanation to WHY it "happened" - and there is an answer, and you have to realise and find it within yourself WHY and then you can explain to her. And you're gonna have to admit it really was selfish and ask her how to make it up to her. Shower her with love? Offer friendship? I bet someone else can give much better advice, but oh well! ^^
norajane Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 It was only a one night stand with a female friend. I didn't plan it. It just happened. I stopped talking to that friend even though after that she wanted to be with me again. I ignored her calls. I felt very guilty but figured it would never happen again. Well I started talking to the friend again This is why your gf can't trust you. You SAY it would never happen again, but then you started talking to her again. If it "just happened" the first time, who's to say it wouldn't "just happen" again a second, or third, or fourth time? You started talking to her again, so you left that door open. This hurts your gf. That you started talking to the other girl again shows your gf that it wasn't a meaningless one night stand - this other girl means something to you or you wouldn't bother talking to her at all. STEP ONE: STOP talking to this other girl permanently. No if's, and's or but's. Just STOP talking to her, stop seeing her, stop texting, IMing, whatever you do. STOP. And offer to give your gf your passwords on your email and phone call records so she can check up on you until she can be sure you aren't LYING to her about not talking to this other girl. I have no idea why I did what I did. I was just missing her and I was horny and this girl was willing. It was a totally selfish act. You know why you did it. You just explained it! Because you were horny and she was willing. Naturally, this is not the kind of explanation that will make our gf feel any better, because it implies you have NO self-control, and that it could easily happen again the next time you are lonely and horny and some girl is willing. STEP TWO: You have to be honest with your girlfriend and tell her this is the reason you did it. Tell her you were lonely and horny and selfish and there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for what you did, though you are deeply sorry that you couldn't control yourself. Beg her to forgive you for being weak. Tell her you are going to start therapy to figure out why you couldn't be loyal and faithful to the girl you love, why masturbation wasn't good enough for you. I dont' understand why she is even comparing herself to this other female because there is no comparision, my girlfriend is stunning compared to this girl. Your gf is comparing herself to this other girl because she is trying to understand why you cheated on her. Your gf is naturally going to feel there was something compelling about the other girl that you would risk your relationship with your gf to have sex with her. And the appearance issue is a problem, because if the other girl isn't more attractive, than your gf knows there is something else about the other girl you found more compelling. STEP THREE: Tell your gf there is nothing about the other girl you like better; it's just that you were a horny, selfish pig and you used her for sex because she was willing. This won't say anything good about your character, but it might ease your gf's mind a little, and it may revive her self-esteem, which you kicked into the toilet.
outofdarkness Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Hi! Are you really happy w/ your GF? Your post made her sound like a real catch, but how do you really feel about her and the R? Yeah, I can believe that you were feeling amorous and it just happened, but you got back in touch w/ her as another poster pointed out. Have you thought that mabey she fills a void in the R or with YOU? If she is that unattractive; and by the way, you DO need to stop dissing on her, then is that making you feel sort of superior and in control? I don't know...I'm not a therapist, but I can sort of see through the lines and tell you that something isn't right. There is NEVER an excuse for cheating on someone that loves and trusts you...PERIOD! I think you need to examine your own thoughts and feelings, the R and be very honest w/ yourself and your GF...Mabey if you really think about it, some things will come out that you haven't thought about before...
Brian1977 Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 [sTEP ONE: STOP talking to this other girl permanently. No if's, and's or but's. Just STOP talking to her, stop seeing her, stop texting, IMing, whatever you do. STOP. And offer to give your gf your passwords on your email and phone call records so she can check up on you until she can be sure you aren't LYING to her about not talking to this other girl. Actually as I had stopped talking to the other girl about two months before I confessed to my girlfriend. She had called me and my girlfriend didn't know who she was and got upset. So I said I didnt know if could talk to her anymore. I haven't heard from her since. I also haven't tried to contact her at all so I havent talked to her in months. If she does call me I'm going to tell her (if I get back with my girlfriend) that I can't talk to her anymore. My girlfriend wanted me to call her (with her there) and explain that I will never talk to her again, but I think that just ignoring her will work better. Because she may resent my girlfriend's request and actually start pursuing me while now she is leaving me alone. I did offer to give her my passwords, and I let her check my cell phone is she wants. I don't have anything to hide anymore. You know why you did it. You just explained it! Because you were horny and she was willing. Naturally, this is not the kind of explanation that will make our gf feel any better, because it implies you have NO self-control, and that it could easily happen again the next time you are lonely and horny and some girl is willing. WOW thats exactly what my girlfriend said!! She's worried I'll just do it again but I've offered to always let her be with me when I go anywhere but she said thats not what she wants.
4whatItsWorth Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 My girlfriend wanted me to call her (with her there) and explain that I will never talk to her again, but I think that just ignoring her will work better. Actually, if I were you I WOULD do whatever your girlfriend tells you to do. It is part of the "regaining-trust" issue. If you say "naw" she will think you might still go after the other girl if she comes around offering sex. So agree to call the girl and say NO if that is what your girlfriend requests - you owe her that. She's worried I'll just do it again but I've offered to always let her be with me when I go anywhere but she said thats not what she wants. Of course not! If she has to follow you around all the time - that is not rebulding any trust. Also, remember if you ask a woman a question she will deny request...i.e. she probably wishes she could but she realises that is not a solution to the problem. You won't regain her trust by letting her do all the work.
Brian1977 Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I'm happy with her I just think I took her for granted. Now that she's not around anymore I just can't stop thinking about her. Theres this huge void in my life where she used to be. The only thing I wasn't getting from her was enough attention at times. She likes to go do her own thing once or twice a week with her friends and doesn't include me. I have a son at home all the time so I can't really do the same as she does with my guys. I've talked to her over and over about the time thing and she just thinks she sees me enough. I was sort of resenting her when she left for those three days but thats not why I did what I did. I didnt' plan it as- I didnt' wait for my girlfriend to go on vacation and then call nad invite the other girl over. She just happened to bump into me and we'd been talking for awhile (but my girlfriend didnt know this, I know I know) and well one thing led to another. I didnt' start it but I didnt stop it either and that is what kills my girlfriend. I told her I'll never do it again but she isnt' convinced. She thinks this other girl is a piece of sh*t because thats how I described her and she's seen her so she knows that she's not attractive. So she thinks I was in love iwth this other girl or something. She doesn't understand the concept that a guy really doesn't care what a piece of ass looks like. when one is horny (and should be single) I dont' care what size, shape or personality a woman has if she is willing to have sex with me. I know what I did was wrong. I know I really hurt my girlfriend and I didn't mean to. I honestly didnt think she would find out. I told her this and that just upsets her even more. She is obsessed with finding out what was so special about this other girl (she is younger than my girlfriend by 6years so that is even more insulting to her). There wasn't ANYTHING special about her. I just liked talking to her, I was lonely at the time and missing my girlfriend. I just liked the attention and it led to more. I regret it. I'd give anything to go back and just change things. But I cant'. I just don't know how to get her to trust me again. She wants to know WHY it happened and all I can say is I was stupid. She says thats no excuse. I would do anything to make her trust me again.
norajane Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I'm happy with her I just think I took her for granted. Now that she's not around anymore I just can't stop thinking about her. Theres this huge void in my life where she used to be. The only thing I wasn't getting from her was enough attention at times. She likes to go do her own thing once or twice a week with her friends and doesn't include me. I have a son at home all the time so I can't really do the same as she does with my guys. I've talked to her over and over about the time thing and she just thinks she sees me enough. I was sort of resenting her when she left for those three days I think you need to tell her this - you may not realize it, but your feeling like you weren't getting enough attention, and your resentment, made it possible for you to do something that you knew would hurt your gf. I just don't know how to get her to trust me again. She wants to know WHY it happened and all I can say is I was stupid. She says thats no excuse. I would do anything to make her trust me again. Tell her you were feeling like she wasn't giving you as much attention as you wanted. Tell her you know it's NO EXCUSE for what you did, and it in NO WAY justifies what you did, and you are in NO WAY blaming your gf for what you did, but your feelings did lead to a moment when you could do something stupid.
kimberlyk Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Dude, you need to let her go. You seem to have issues with fessing up to your own actions and finding blame somewhere else other than within yourself. I feel VERY sorry for this girl and if I were her, I would change my phone number, email and physical addresses to stay away from you. I suggest counseling, and also that you not bring anyone into your life and that you focus on your son for a while. Something you said that really struck a chord with me was "I have a son at home all the time so I can't really do the same as she does with my guys". Your son is not her son, she owes you nothing, you made decisions in your life and so has she, she obviously has no children for whatever reason, but you do. You need to find a different way of thinking because your past/current ways have not and are not working to benefit you or anyone else. And PLEASE, stay away from the girl who shared in the act of sabotaging your relationship with the one you loved, you need to learn that some people out there like bringing other people down, learn who they are and stay away from them...and definitely do not allow yourself to be one of those people!
Ladyjane14 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I just don't know how to get her to trust me again. She wants to know WHY it happened and all I can say is I was stupid. She says thats no excuse. I would do anything to make her trust me again. She's right, Brian. That's not a good excuse. I'm not saying this to be mean... but your girlfriend was absolutely RIGHT to break up with you. You hurt her terribly and didn't even have a good reason for it. When you look at it from her POV, it all seems really shallow and arbitrary. She did the best thing for her, and a good first step is that you empathize with her enough to recognize that. My suggestion to you would be that you ACTIVELY pursue rebuilding trust. So, if you don't know 'why' you did what you did... find out. Your best bet is probably IC, followed by couples counseling if your girlfriend is willing to go with you. In talking to a professional maybe you can identify the REAL reason you did what you did, and then... together with your therapist, you can come up with a treatment plan. You know, sometimes there really are things going on in the back of our minds that we haven't quite got a handle on. Say for example, you're a guy with 'fear of abandonment' issues, you might end up sabotaging relationships before you can get hurt. Or say you're a guy with low self-esteem and poor impulse control, you might find yourself feeding that frail ego by getting whatever attention you can from the opposite sex in order. Whatever the case... when you've actively IDENTIFIED the problem, you can then address it. That way you can say to your girlfriend... "This is the reason why I did what I did, and THIS is what I'm doing to fix it". Bear in mind that you can't MAKE somebody trust you. All you can do is to become the most TRUSTWORTHY guy you can be, right? In taking action, you show your S/O that you recognize the problem and that you're taking it seriously. Sometimes there's literally nothing that will revitalize a committed relationship once trust has been broken. You need to be prepared for that scenario as well. But, even if things don't work out between you and your girlfriend, you'll still have the satisfaction of knowing that you rectified things as best you could. AND... you'll have some new skills to carry forward into your next relationship.
Brian1977 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 [Wow this is a lot to think about. guess I was looking for a quick way to fix things because I am absolutely miserable without her. I know I hurt her and I want to make it up to her but how can I do that when she doesn't want anything to do with me right now. I don't think what I did warrants her intense anger. I mean the other girl meant nothing to me. My girlfriend just doesn't get that. She thinks there was something wonderful about this girl and simply put there was nothing about her that was even close to my girlfriend. The other girl was just someone to talk to when my girlfriend wasn't around. I guess I kind of blame her because if she'd had been there this wouldnt' had happened. It not her fault but if she spent more time with me I would've never started talking to this girl. It was a one night stand. even though I talked to her afterwards I never slept with her again. I told my girlfriend the sex wasn't even good. This just makes her madder. she says how could you do this to me with someone you weren't even attracted to? Why would I throw it all away for a nobody? She says she would feel better if it was someone really hot or someone I fell for. I just dont' get that. She should be happy I wasn't in love with someone else and that I didnt have any intentions of having a relationship with this girl. I mean I would never date this girl! I couldnt' imagine waking up to that every morning nor could I see myself able to put up with her attitude and behavior (she is very moody and does drugs and doesn't work) I know I destroyed my girlfriend's trust and even worse her ex did this to her and being cheated on was her worst fear. She said I was the only guy who made her feel safe and that she'd trusted me. She said she hates me because I knew this was her biggest fear (and its one of mine too because I've been cheated on) but why can't she see that I'm sorry. I confessed to her because it was the right thing to do. I wanted her to know from me because I was afraid she'd find out from someone else. I just can't seem to make her see that it wouldn't happen again. I learned my lesson.
Bree Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Something you said that really struck a chord with me was "I have a son at home all the time so I can't really do the same as she does with my guys". Your son is not her son, she owes you nothing, you made decisions in your life and so has she, she obviously has no children for whatever reason, but you do. You need to find a different way of thinking because your past/current ways have not and are not working to benefit you or anyone else. I COMPLETLY AGREE WITH KIMBERLYK
Oper Edei Deixai Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Reading over your posts, one thing keeps jumping out at me: How old are you? Not to put too blunt of an edge on it, but your tone makes you sound around 14-15. If that's the case, this would be a troll and the whole thread moot, but if you are a "grown-up", you've got some SERIOUS maturing to do. Stop with the My ex-GF is totally hawt! The other girl is a cow! and it sounds like you got all the self-control of a 15 y.o. boy. For the sake of your son, I truly, truly hope this is a troll. If not, try this: Sit down and make a list of your life's priorities, and arrange them in order. Mine would look something (but not exactly) like this: 1)health & well-being and safety of my wife and children 2)health and well-being and safety of myself 3)happiness of family 4)happiness of myself 5)strong marriage 6)ability to choose where we live 7)good relationships with extended family 8)good friendships 9)financial security etc. If you can prioritize what's important to you in life, you can see where you are going wrong. What I'm getting at is that I don't think that your relationship with your GF was high enough on your list. Chances are "sexual fulfillment" would probably land higher on your list than "happy relationship" right or wrong, if that's the case then the latter's going to suffer for the former - that's how priorities work. In a nutshell - you need to re-examine your priorities and put them in the correct order that will make you happy, until you do that, happiness will be just a dream.
Guest Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 [quote=Brian1977;1119404 If she does call me I'm going to tell her (if I get back with my girlfriend) that I can't talk to her anymore. My girlfriend wanted me to call her (with her there) and explain that I will never talk to her again, but I think that just ignoring her will work better. Because she may resent my girlfriend's request and actually start pursuing me while now she is leaving me alone. Sounds to me like the fat, ugly cow (and that is YOUR description) is your back up just in case you don't get your girlfriend back.
Brian1077 Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I'm 29 and my top priority is my son. I'd do anything for him. So I admit my girlfriend wasn't #1 but she sure didnt' make me #1 either. so I feel thats fair. I came here I guess to figure out why I did what I did. When it happened I didn't plan it. Its not like I was talking to this girl and decided that I wanted to sleep with her. She basically came on to me and I didnt' resist. Not saying she's to blame but if she hadn't started it then I'd never have come on to her. My girlfriend cheated on her ex. She confessed to him and left him after she did it but because of her past I've always been afraid she'd cheat on me too. So maybe I just did it to her (subconciously) before she did it to me. Although she says she'd never cheat on me and I have no proof that she did. But I'm thinking maybe my lack of trust in her made me do what I did. I just want her back. I wish I could go back and change things. I wish I could make her see that I'm not going to hurt her again. I guess I should have never confessed to her. If she never found out things would still be ok but I would feel guilty. She thinks the other girl meant something to me because even though it was a one night stand I talked to her afterwards (eventually) and I still stopped at her house. But once my girlfriend found out I've kept my word and not had anything to do with the other girl. I havent' talked to her or seen her. She hasnt' called me but I havent tried to contact her either. That should count for something. that should build some trust back. I just want a way to prove to her that she is important to me and I won't hurt her again
4whatItsWorth Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 1. "I guess I kind of blame her because if she'd had been there this wouldnt' had happened. It not her fault but if she spent more time with me I would've never started talking to this girl." 2. "She says she would feel better if it was someone really hot or someone I fell for. I just dont' get that. She should be happy I wasn't in love with someone else and that I didnt have any intentions of having a relationship with this girl. I mean I would never date this girl!" 3. "Its not like I was talking to this girl and decided that I wanted to sleep with her. She basically came on to me and I didnt' resist. Not saying she's to blame but if she hadn't started it then I'd never have come on to her." 1. In quote on you blame the other girl for you cheating on your g/f. THERE ARE NO F*CKING EXCUSES FOR CHEATING!! Thankfully, in the third quote you contradict your previous statement by saying she was NOT to blame. So just drop the "she didn't hang around me enough so I cheated" - crap. I have a LDR and see my guy twice a year - so that gives him the right to cheat on me? I don't think so. Furthermore, you didn't just "talk" to this girl - you slept with her. 2. The problem is you are not understanding your ex-girlfriends feelings! If the other girl would have been a hot success - then she would have thought "She's got something I don't." She would have a "reason" for the infidelity. But you just slept with the first best girl who was there and made some moves. It is equally bad cheating - but your ex cannot see any logic behind it because compared to her the other girl was nothing. If your girlfriend cheated on you with a dead fat bald guy - wouldn't you think it was a LITTLE odd choice of person to cheat with? Wouldn't it have had made "more sense" if it had been a total stud like Orlando Bloom? 3. "If she hadn't started it I'd never come onto her" - what kind of excuse is that? Even if you were in the middle of a crowd of hot naked females you shouldn't come onto any of them because you have a committed relationship to your girlfriend! You are alone to blame and I am surprised you are 27 years old as you behave like a self-centred child.
Erik Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I dont' know why i didnt' appreciate my girlfriend. Has nothing to do with it. You were blitzkrieg'ed, her panzer punched right through your defensive zone, not giving you time to muster your forces. It's a dirty trick that works especially well with younger men. Girls can't understand how this can happen without the guy being an *hole, but it can. The best way is to talk to her. You will have to go through a very hard time, as she will naturally have problems trusting you. You must make her understand you are contrite - as you are - but it is important you do not supplicate too much. If you throw away your dignity, she will leave you after having giving you hell for a few months. Don't see or talk to this girl again, she is trouble.
Brian1977 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 I need your alls opinions about this- my ex and I have been talking. At least she's talking to me again so I'm happy. But everytime I talk to her she is so angry at me which i get. She said if we were to ever try to work things out that I have to call the other woman (the one I had the one night thing with) and tell her that I'm working things out with my girlfriend and therefore I'm never going to speak to her again and that if she calls I won't talk to her. The thing is- I don't understand this because ever since my girlfriend caught her calling me and told her that we'd been dating the whole time (the other woman thought I was just friends with my girlfriend because thats what I told her) she hasn't called me at all. She had started to date someone so maybe thats why too. But anyhow she hasnt' tried to contact me. The last time I talked to her was before my girlfriend found out about the one night thing so the last time I talked to her was about four months ago. My ex says this isnt' good enough that just because she hasnt' tried to contact me doesn't mean I won't talk to her if she does. I told her I have no reason or interest in talking to this woman. I don't plan to. But she wants me to get her phone number and call her and tell her that there will be no contact. I don't think its a good idea cause she's the type that would probably just call to spite my girlfriend. I told my ex that if she wants me to call she has to find a way to get her number (I don't have it since she changed her number) my ex was not happy about this. I just don't think its a good idea. I mean she's left me alone so why should I call her and and tell her this stuff? I mean she won't care. Obvisouly she has no interest in talking to me because she hasn't called me in four months or made any attempt to talk to me. So I dont' think she will. But my ex is worried that if she does I will talk with her. She said this isn't to make the other woman mad and she really doesnt' care what it does to her. She said its for her. That she needs to know I can give up my friendship with her. But there is no friendship. I dont' even talk to her! She says its not like the other woman tried to get in touch with me and I ignored her- that she is the one who stopped talking to me. True but I havn't tried to contact her either. what should I do?
4whatItsWorth Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 1. "(the other woman thought I was just friends with my girlfriend because thats what I told her)" 2. "She said its for her." 1. WHAT THE ****??? So you go around "adoring" your GF and then you tell every other female that she is just a FRIEND??? Seriosuly, why the HELL does she even consider taking a man like you back? It's men like you that make me want to go full-time lesbian. (Seriosuly, this guy is starting to hurt ME with his selfish childish actions) 2. Of course she wants it for her. You cheated on her, she will hardly believe your words or actions for a while. If you want any chance of getting her back (although I hope she realises what a "man" you are and kicks you into the orbit) Her "proof" that you will not speak to this woman ever again, is seeing you telling her this. And to please her and make her "happy", you'd better find that phone number, call the woman and say "I will never speak or see you again out of respect of my girlfriend."
jmargel Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Brian you have a lot to learn about communication being that you are only 20 years old and the posts you have been making. Relationships only last when both parties are 'mature' enough to handle the responsibilities that a good relationship has. If you really want your ex back, you will do whatever she asks and NOT question it. Stop seeking explanations for what she wants you to do. When you talk to her, LISTEN and though you might not like what she has to say, say these two words 'I understand'. Even if she is cursing at you. She is still upset and she has every reason why. If you so dare tell her the reasons on why you think you did what you did, I can guarantee your ex will be gone for good. The communication between you two is severly lacking and along with the immaturity and inexperience you have right now is contributing to the demise of your relationship. I would highly suggest finding some good relationship books to read. Don't be so stubborn to think that you have all the answers. That is when you will lose her forever.
JustBreathe Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Sorry JMargel, I had to reply to Brian through your post as there was no reply button for some reason on Brian's last post. Brian. Do you want your girlfriend back really? If so, you must do anything she asks that will make her feel more secure. If it is necessary for you to contact the girl you slept with and tell her in front of your girlfriend that you do not ever want to hear from her again, then you must do so. It doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense to you. It makes sense to your girlfriend, she has stated in no uncertain terms what you need to do to begin to win her trust again, and if you love her and want her trust again, you have to go the extra mile for her. Just do it and quit complaining about it. You must never ever lie to your girlfriend again, even small lies, as this will take you back to square one with her. Do you know where the girl lives? If so, then you and your girlfriend can write up a letter and both of you drive over and personally deliver it to her home and leave it in her mailbox. Ask your girlfriend what she thinks about that idea, whether that would make her feel better, and be sure to ask her if she wants to help write the letter, or if she wants you to write it and only wants to read what you wrote before you deliver it. Who cares what the heffer you slept with thinks. It does not matter that she won't care anyway. It's what your girlfriend feels and thinks that matter. Be gentle with your girlfriend. She has every right to be deeply angry at you. If it were me, and I were not married, I would not stay with a boyfriend who cheated on me. In fact, I broke off a 5 year relationship (before I married someone else) because he cheated on me. She must love you alot to be willing to consider staying with you. Love her back. Do what she says she needs.
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