ladybird Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Hi The basic story is that I had fancied I guy I work with for a long time and finally got up the courage to ask him out, to which he said yes, as for about the same time, he had fancied me but didn't know if I felt the same! (he had also had a hard time getting over a long-term relationship that ended a year previously and wasn't sure about getting involved), The only problem was that he was due to leave to work in Italy for a year in two weeks time. We had an amazing two weeks together during which he gave the very strong impression that he had fallen for me quite hard. And I felt the same. Things were very good after he went - we emailed, texted a lot and he phoned me every week. He also spent a couple of days with me between xmas and the new year after visiting his family in the UK -we had a great time and he said he wished he could spend a week with me and was sad to have to go back to Italy. I also flew out to Italy for a weekend in early January where, again, he gave the very strong impression that he had strong feelings for me and was very upset at the airport when I had to leave. Things were good for a week after that when he rang me - again, saying he missed me and that he had a great weekend with me, etc... Then things started to drop off - the phone calls stopped and I only seemed to get a text or email in response to one I had sent him, and these were getting briefer all the time. So I thought that something wasn't right. In the end I thought I would just outright ask him what the situation was so I sent him text saying that I hadn't heard from him in a while and if he didn't want to stay in touch anymore, he should just say as I would rather know (I don't like people who try to get out of relationships by just ignoring you until you get the message - that's just plain rude). I got a text back saying that he was hungover from a week with friends visiting but he would be in touch soon - I thought this meant he would ring me but I got an email the next day saying that "it's too difficult with him living in another country". I sent him a text saying that I was sad that he didn't want to stay in touch but that I appreciated why and wished him luck. I got a text back saying that I was very sweet, he enjoyed the time he visited me in the UK and that he regretted he hadn't got to know me better when he was in the UK. We have had no contact at all since. I am confused as to what this all means: has he met someone else? Has he just simply lost interest? or does he really like me and therefore finds it hard to keep in contact due to missing me? I wish I had asked for a better explanation but it is probably too late now. I am also wondering if there is a chance that we could get back together when he comes back from Italy - I appreciate that we were only together for two weeks before he went away so you could hardly call it a serious relationship but he really did seem to have strong feelings for me so now I am wondering whether or not to wait for him to come back or just move on... any advice please?
daphne Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 lady, I'm afraid you're wishing for something that is unlikely to happen. This guy is willing to let you go and it doesn't sound like he even wanted to remain friends. He's moved on. THe drop off in contact wasn't him having a hard time coping. It was him seeing what was around him and loss of interest in someone so far away. 2 weeks wasn't enough for him to really fall in love with you, I'm afraid. Did he say that he was in love with you? Or was it more that you wanted to believe he was? It sounds like you became a lot more attached than he was. He may have had some strong feelings, but they obviously weren't that terribly deep. Find someone closer to home. If this guy did ring you up when he comes back, I wouldn't want to get back with him. He's out there checking greener grass. Let him keep checking.
Author ladybird Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Thanks Daphne, He did hint that he had fallen very hard for me and I think that this scared him a bit, especially as he was still having a hard time getting over his last relationship. This was one of the reasons he went to Italy. It was something he has always wanted to do and also wanted time away from everything to help him get over the ex and have a fresh start. I think I upset this plan by asking him out because I think he wanted to go to Italy with a clean slate and no ties. I think he was scared of getting too attached to me and then moving away. He had this experience before with an ex who moved to another country for a year. He said that he had a miserable time without her and didn't want to go through that again, and he said that he didn't want me to feel that way too. So maybe he is trying to distance himself from me so he doesn't go through that again and maybe he thinks that he is doing it for my sake too... ... although I could be trying to put too positive a spin on the whole situation here!! but I suppose without a proper explanation, I'll never know.
daphne Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 lady, It sounds like, because you care about him, you are projecting his intentions. Honestly, it's better at this point to spare yourself, to take things at face value. Hinting is not real communication. Again, 2 weeks is simply not enough time for most people. You don't know each other. The face value I see, is that he's not interested in having a long distance relationship while he's away. This means that unfortunately, he's not terribly interested in a relationship with you. It's more pragmatic to forget him and move on. I know you're hurting, but at least it wasn't protracted. My ex didn't even bother telling me he was leaving in 6 months until after we started to get a little serious. Then he thought that since he told me once, then lied again about his true intentions that it would be my bad if I stayed with him. At least your guy was honest. Just take his goodbye at face value.
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