cbl Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 these days i am feeling cranky and nobody cares... but that's even better. i somehow just want everyone around me to leave me alone, so i can make peace with myself and grow strong. part of my crankiness came from the fact that my xMM called me in my office a few days ago. he wanted to know if his wife does not stay in town for two months like she planed, if i will be ok meeting up with him and spending nights just like the old days i said no thank you but i am not interested. and please do not contact with me again. then i came back here trying to gain my strength back. not that i am weak - as a matter of fact, i knew i wouldn't have answered the call if he called me on my cell (and he knew that too that's why he called me at my office) - i have been strong enough to say NO. i was just annoyed that he called after a few weeks, and i am also angry with myself why he still made me feel annoyed. if i don't hold any feelings towards him, whether anger or hurt or even love and fondness, his calling would not have any effect on me. so when i was here everyday reading the threads, i know as usual i am not the only person who's suffering from MM's constant harassment. the only difference is that, while some people can avoid having contact with MMs (i can't miss ANY potential customer calls in the office as my business is just starting for a few month!... i am getting caller ID!!!) why do they still think about those lying, cheating, selfish MMs and wonder whether MM will change their minds and leave their wives, knowing that they've promised the same thing about leaving for however long time that is and no matter how many times MMs have broken promises, still wishing MM's will change their mind in the next few days? and the stories have been repeated again and again.... "i am definitely leaving this time" and a few weeks later "i wonder if he will leave as he has just done this and that"... and completely being self-pitying for being hurt by MM. and we all know, as OWs, we share part of the responsibilities for letting MMs hurt us! why is this happening again and again? and does reading all this help any OWs in the same situation to make up their mind and leave? and for those xOW who stay here to help those in needs, aren't you just feeling frustrated having to say the same thing again and again to the same person? why can't people like me (feeling cranky and weak at some point towards MM) all take some days off from LS, and do something meaningful for ourselves, instead of thinking those b*st*rds who used to hurt us so badly? OK now i am going to write to a new friend who i've just met online and help with a customer who just came in the other day. at least i know they will bring me something positive for today!
Motor35 Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I am sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. Sounds like you are in the right mind-set though Keep up the NC. You deserve better. You can do better. Just get through this and you will see. As much as I am tired of hearing it, remember, 'This too shall pass.'
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 You're probably mad that he just assumed that you'd come running back to him while his wife was out of Town. He has some nerve, and it just shows how selfish he is and that's he's only thinking of himself! He's not thinking of the effect it will have on you, isn't considering your feelings, he doesn't respect you. Yeah, you have a right to be pissed off at him. Just don't let it ruin your day. Keep busy and don't forget to have afew laughs today.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 why can't people like me (feeling cranky and weak at some point towards MM) all take some days off from LS, and do something meaningful for ourselves, instead of thinking those b*st*rds who used to hurt us so badly? OK now i am going to write to a new friend who i've just met online and help with a customer who just came in the other day. at least i know they will bring me something positive for today! Because hope is so hard to let go of. Give your heart time to catch up with your brain. Until then defer to your brain. If you can fill yourself up with all of the good and positive things you can find in today then the void not only disappears but is replaced with pleasantness and personal happiness. Sounds like your on the right track to me.
Trialbyfire Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 IWWH is dead on. Fill that void with the positive in your life. Do the mental exercise by comparing how you feel when you're doing something that you enjoy (of course it's something that never involved the ex) with the existing anger and pain. You know which one you prefer. Although it's one of those "do you think I'm a complete idiot?" comparisons but I found it helped me a lot. Sometimes the obvious things get overlooked when you consider the emotional complexity of an affair or breakup.
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