OtterPop Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I hope this doesn't become too long...I am a 25 year old female and it has been 8 years since my last and only "relationship," which lasted 3 weeks. I never date, I'm rarely even flirted with or anything. It's like it's my destiny to be completely alone. I am shy, but not that much, I've been coming out of my shell the last few years and I do talk to people I like and make friends with them, but it never goes beyond that. I'm not horrendously ugly or anything, though I am tomboyish and so I'm not feminine or "pretty." A lot of the time I don't care that much-I'm in college and I'm really busy and it's not like I obsess over my love life all the time. But I get lonely. It gets bad when I like someone. I really like a guy right now, but I feel hopeless to do anything about it. I've been interested in at least 20 people over the years that nothing has ever happened with. Nothing at all. I just "love them from afar" and don't know what to do about it. I never ask them out because I don't know how (plus I'm terrified of rejection.) I've never been on a real date. I wouldn't even know what to do or how to act at all. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I'm just feeling lonely right now. I really like this guy right now, who is my friend but I don't know how to ever possibly make it more, with him or anyone.
oppath Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Honestly, if you are in college, I would go to the counseling/psychological center and get help. You do suffer from some self esteem and anxiety issues and you think irrationally about yourself. All of this is ok. I've been there. I didn't start dating until I was 24 and needed this help because I lacked confidence and felt I was a failure because I hadn't had experiences. Now I've had MANY experiences.
JCD Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 You have to try for the first time and like everything else, it gets easier the more you do it. By the fifth time of asking someone out, you will not dwell on the rejection as much and simply will go with the flow. If he doesn't dig you it's ok. Someone else will and life goes on. Since you're already a friend with this guy, bring up the subject of relationships the next time you talk to him and kind of steer the topic to him and you. Then he will reveal a little about his feelings for you and then you'll know. A rejection doesn't reveal anything negative about you. It's just that you're not his type just like some other guy is not your type. He and you have the right to reject each other. As a guy, I can tell you that I appreciate it when a woman is straight forward with her feelings for me and doesn't confuse me with her signals. Believe it or not, I gain respect for her if she rejects me and tells me that as not to waste my time on her. She knows what she wants and I like decisive women.
Author OtterPop Posted March 15, 2007 Author Posted March 15, 2007 I'll give it a try, JCD, this is a big step lol. Logically, I know rejections happen to everyone, and it doesn't mean you're ugly or worthless or anything. I am just SUPER sensitive. I'd rather just have nothing happen at all than take a risk so that something could happen, but also I could get hurt due to my hyper sensitivity. My long past of never having anyone seemingly interested in me does not help my confidence and self esteem. But I guess I've got to change at some point, or risk being stuck like this forever. I'll see if I can be courageous and bring this up when I see this guy next. It's spring break now, have to wait till next week...ugh, if I must do something scary I kinda just want to get it over with!
JCD Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 You should definitely be more brave and outgoing. Once you find someone that you can connect with, it's a wonderful feeling and you'll wonder why you haven't done it sooner. The other advice I can give you, is to find a guy that has no kids so that you are number one on his agenda and not his kids.
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Hey, that must be a first! A girl wanting to promote her 'just friend' to boyfriend! Happy Saint Patrick's Day! No sweat, just ask him. No, seriously, most boys that are 'just friends' with girls, are really in love with them, but hiding it because they are afraid to lose the friendship and hence all chances of romance. 99% of the times, if a boy like a girl as a friend, he will have no problem with progressing to boyfriend. Let me guess: he doesn't see other girls and he spend a lot of time with you. You say you are a tomboy; one easy change could be your clothes. Don't change too radical, you'd want to be comfortable with it, but go shopping, buy some new clothes and a bottle of wine, invite your friend. He may not get the idea straight away, afraid to do something that will ruin your friendship. But if the wine and candle-business keeps popping up every time he comes to see you, even the most dense should get it eventually.
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Another thing: I've never, EVER heard of a boy getting miffed because a girl made a pass on him.
JCD Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Definitely ask him out. A girl at work was bold and she straight out asked me out to a movie. I declined because I was still in love with a girl that didn't love me. However, after couple of weeks, this new girl gave me her phone number to call her and I saw her dedication for me so I called her and now we're dating. It also helps if you know how to flirt with your guy to show him you're interested. My way is to be little bit smart alecky with a girl but not too much. For example, she wore her hair up today and I told her I like her better with her hair down and I said this in a jokingly way. She pulls it down and plays with it, smelling it and saying to me how good it smelled and wanted me to smell it. So I smelled it and said that yeah it smells really good and then asked her if the rest of her body smelled so good. I was smiling when I said this and she whispered in my ear that she is open to the idea of me trying to find that out. We both laughed about it. What I did with her was that I called her and the next day started to meet up with her, have lunch, walk her back and simply put, being with her. That is so that she knew I was paying attention to her more than to anyone else. She did the same, agreeing to go to lunch with me and hang out. All this is really a common sense but I found out that in some cases our ideas tend to cloud this common sense especially when the girl is being wishy washy and sending mixed signals. Kind of leading you on in a way probably to make her feel better but not being really dedicated to you. I don't like that so that's why for me I do things with a girl to let her know I like her more than friends.
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