sex and lawers?

[scaredinlove]

Ok I was involved with a MM, i am still emotionally envolved but we are avoiding the physical part. His wife found out about the affair 6 months ago and she has being crazy since, now she is finally calming down. They hadn't had a physical relationship in 3 yrs, but since jan they are back having sex weekly,but on the same time they sleep in separate rooms and went to see a lawer about how to divided their belongs.they are signing a agreemwnt. Does it makes any sense?Are they separating or staying together. He says he will know by end of May. I am just trying to make sense to see if I am wasting my time waiting...What you guys think?

[outofdarkness]

Ok I was involved with a MM, i am still emotionally envolved but we are avoiding the physical part. His wife found out about the affair 6 months ago and she has being crazy since, now she is finally calming down. They hadn't had a physical relationship in 3 yrs, but since jan they are back having sex weekly,but on the same time they sleep in separate rooms and went to see a lawer about how to divided their belongs.they are signing a agreemwnt. Does it makes any sense?Are they separating or staying together. He says he will know by end of May. I am just trying to make sense to see if I am wasting my time waiting...What you guys think?

well..if he's sleeping w/ his W again, then that most likely means they are trying to work on their M..or mabey he is just trying to appease her so she doesn't freak out again? You really didn't give enough info to give alot of advice...

[scaredinlove]

well..if he's sleeping w/ his W again, then that most likely means they are trying to work on their M..or mabey he is just trying to appease her so she doesn't freak out again? You really didn't give enough info to give alot of advice...

 

That is what I thought but why they went to see a lawerr to make a agreement about waht they owe, like who is keeping what and why are they sleeping in separate rooms? It seems like they are shooting in all directions...I am puzzled.He tells me nothing is decided yet,but he will know by may end. I think they are staying together, but way the lawer and the agreement?Issn't that what people do when they decid to separate? It dosen't make any sense.

[outofdarkness]

That is what I thought but why they went to see a lawerr to make a agreement about waht they owe, like who is keeping what and why are they sleeping in separate rooms? It seems like they are shooting in all directions...I am puzzled.He tells me nothing is decided yet,but he will know by may end. I think they are staying together, but way the lawer and the agreement?Issn't that what people do when they decid to separate? It dosen't make any sense.

Yes, that is what couples do when they are divorcing or planning a legal separation. But...something is weird here...I don't think he's being upfront and honest w/ you. I think he is telling his W one thing and you another...He wants both mabey? It's strange that he would actually TELL you that he and his W are having weekly sex again and then turn around and tell you all about what they are supposedly doing w/ their attorney? He's not on the up and up..I would suggest that you take a break from him...A period of NC, and let him decided what the hell he really wants. He can't have it both ways.

[scaredinlove]

Yes, that is what couples do when they are divorcing or planning a legal separation. But...something is weird here...I don't think he's being upfront and honest w/ you. I think he is telling his W one thing and you another...He wants both mabey? It's strange that he would actually TELL you that he and his W are having weekly sex again and then turn around and tell you all about what they are supposedly doing w/ their attorney? He's not on the up and up..I would suggest that you take a break from him...A period of NC, and let him decided what the hell he really wants. He can't have it both ways.

 

 

I think he is being up front because he said he may stay and may leave and he told me they were having sex so i could decided if I should be phisically envolved with him or not.Meaning before were only two of us now it was up to me if I was confortable enough to continue. But if he could he would have it all, you are right about that. I have no idea what is going oni am actually dizzy. I guess I am just waiting out of curiosity. Crazy crazy.

[Touche]

What do you even get out of getting in the middle of another couple's relationship...I mean MARRIAGE?

 

I don't get it.

 

Don't you want better for yourself? Man, I could never accept being someone else's scraps.

[magichands]

Man, I could never accept being someone else's scraps.

Sometimes that is all that life offers you. Take it, or go without. A lonely life is a life not worth living.

[Touche]

Sometimes that is all that life offers you. Take it, or go without. A lonely life is a life not worth living.

 

Yes, sometimes it is. I've been there. And I chose being lonely. It's way better than being used by someone or being abused.

 

But guess what? Sometimes life actually has more in store for you. We should all hold out for that.

[magichands]

Only sometimes, though. Why risk losing what you have for something that probably won't happen.

 

Hence the dilemma.

[Touche]

Only sometimes, though. Why risk losing what you have for something that probably won't happen.

 

Hence the dilemma.

 

I guess I never looked at it as a dilemma. There's no choice for me. All? Or nothing? (Or close to nothing.) No, dilemma there for me.

 

Besides, I never thought I'd be giving up nothing for something that would never happen. Yes, I had doubts at times...we all do. But I remained positive. And it paid off. (But also, I never looked at being on my own as "nothing.")

 

Isn't almost everything in life a gamble? I mean everything that is important?

[scaredinlove]

Sometimes that is all that life offers you. Take it, or go without. A lonely life is a life not worth living.

 

I agree with you

[scaredinlove]

I guess I never looked at it as a dilemma. There's no choice for me. All? Or nothing? (Or close to nothing.) No, dilemma there for me.

 

Besides, I never thought I'd be giving up nothing for something that would never happen. Yes, I had doubts at times...we all do. But I remained positive. And it paid off. (But also, I never looked at being on my own as "nothing.")

 

Isn't almost everything in life a gamble? I mean everything that is important?

 

I was like that too, until I met this person and now I am the lady on wait. I guess because I love him and there is some hope.Maybe not much but some.Or maybe he is just BS me and I will learn the hard way. I was reading somthing that said God dosen't give what we want but what we need! So maybe I do need to go thru all this to become a better me.

[outofdarkness]

I was like that too, until I met this person and now I am the lady on wait. I guess because I love him and there is some hope.Maybe not much but some.Or maybe he is just BS me and I will learn the hard way. I was reading somthing that said God dosen't give what we want but what we need! So maybe I do need to go thru all this to become a better me.

I love your quote! I do believe this to be true..about God giving us what we need. I also believe there's a plan for all of us...It must be hard to tell at this point what your's is, so mabey you DO just need to sit back, wait it out and try to build a life for yourself free of this MM. That way, if things don't work out, you can move on with much more confidence and ease...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Only sometimes, though. Why risk losing what you have for something that probably won't happen.

 

Hence the dilemma.

 

I've always been a bird in the hand kinda girl myself! I agree with this as long as you can live in the moment and not liment about what might have been, otherwise it's a self -imposed prison.

[Romeo Must Die]

Well, life for me wouldn't be worth living at all if I had to spend my life WAITING for something to happen later. I wouldn't settle. There are just too many opportunities in life than to settle for so little in return, especially from a man, sweetheart.

 

The key is that he is still intimate with his wife. He may be seducing her into an acceptable agreement, or he may not want to let go of her yet, but either way, he still has you under his thumb too, so what does that tell you about him?

 

He's manipulative.

 

He is controlling, but making it look like it's your choice and not his own.

 

He thinks he will know more by May? Thats not even half a promise. He's got you on a puppet string to keep you dangling around while he dicks around with his wife and the lawyers. You need to understand it can take a long time to settle the agreement.

 

Also, you need to understand that divorce is not a game. It's not cut and dried. It's very serious and I am certian that you will have new issues (his issues) later on down the line. I wouldnt want to start my new love life that way, with a gun to my head to stay or leave.

 

Either way it goes, he will have one of you to fall back on. He's invested in his wife wheras not so much with you. He is making love to his wife and not you. What is he telling her to get her to do this? More of his promises. What is he really telling her? Thats what I'd like to know. Making love to someone usually involves intamacy and bonding with that person. It doesnt look like he is letting go.

 

I would say that making love to her is not right, but she is still his wife and she has more right to have him than anyone. That relationship is as it should be. It deserves at least that much resepect.

 

You know that no matter what anyone tells you, you have to make this decision alone. The WS are very passive that way. WS is not going to make the choice. WS rarely end the affair (or the marriage) on their own volution. Any stupid ape with credit can rent an apartment and move out, but why would he do that if he has a cozy marital home.

 

ACTIONS vs WORDS

 

[whichwayisup]

I doubt SIL is going to end this, and walk away. If it ends it will be because HE will end it.

 

So, SIL, you need to find a healthy way of dealing with this situation and protect yourself.

[Erik]

''I think he is being up front because he said he may stay and may leave...''

 

That's not exactly being upfront, is it? Outofdarkness is right, there's something fishy, he's talking double-talk. That said, sometimes men DO leave their wives, and if you've got good reason to think he's preparing for a divorce, the fact that he sleeps with his wife probably means nothing. Or rather, it could mean anything. Maybe he wants to allay her suspicions, maybe he's sentimental and wants to give her a good seeing off. But listen to your sisters: be careful, NEVER take his word alone, don't believe him till you see the paperwork and be suspicious even then.

[Erik]

... and of course, don't hang around for too long, he'll start taking you for granted.

[oyster]

seeing is believing, once paper work for seperation done, don't celebrate too early!

 

From seperation to Divorce day to after divorce day, it will be a rollercoaster ride.

[scaredinlove]

I doubt SIL is going to end this, and walk away. If it ends it will be because HE will end it.

 

So, SIL, you need to find a healthy way of dealing with this situation and protect yourself.

 

You are right about me not walking away, you have read many of my posting.I am trying to dettach myself as much as I can.It is very confusing.

[scaredinlove]

Well, life for me wouldn't be worth living at all if I had to spend my life WAITING for something to happen later. I wouldn't settle. There are just too many opportunities in life than to settle for so little in return, especially from a man, sweetheart.

 

The key is that he is still intimate with his wife. He may be seducing her into an acceptable agreement, or he may not want to let go of her yet, but either way, he still has you under his thumb too, so what does that tell you about him?

 

He's manipulative.

 

He is controlling, but making it look like it's your choice and not his own.

 

He thinks he will know more by May? Thats not even half a promise. He's got you on a puppet string to keep you dangling around while he dicks around with his wife and the lawyers. You need to understand it can take a long time to settle the agreement.

 

Also, you need to understand that divorce is not a game. It's not cut and dried. It's very serious and I am certian that you will have new issues (his issues) later on down the line. I wouldnt want to start my new love life that way, with a gun to my head to stay or leave.

 

Either way it goes, he will have one of you to fall back on. He's invested in his wife wheras not so much with you. He is making love to his wife and not you. What is he telling her to get her to do this? More of his promises. What is he really telling her? Thats what I'd like to know. Making love to someone usually involves intamacy and bonding with that person. It doesnt look like he is letting go.

 

I would say that making love to her is not right, but she is still his wife and she has more right to have him than anyone. That relationship is as it should be. It deserves at least that much resepect.

 

You know that no matter what anyone tells you, you have to make this decision alone. The WS are very passive that way. WS is not going to make the choice. WS rarely end the affair (or the marriage) on their own volution. Any stupid ape with credit can rent an apartment and move out, but why would he do that if he has a cozy marital home.

 

ACTIONS vs WORDS

 

 

 

I thought of him being manipulative too. He often confuses me. Another day we went for lunch and he took his wedding band off , I pretended I haven't notice it. But I wonder why he did that if he never did it before...

[scaredinlove]

''I think he is being up front because he said he may stay and may leave...''

 

That's not exactly being upfront, is it? Outofdarkness is right, there's something fishy, he's talking double-talk. That said, sometimes men DO leave their wives, and if you've got good reason to think he's preparing for a divorce, the fact that he sleeps with his wife probably means nothing. Or rather, it could mean anything. Maybe he wants to allay her suspicions, maybe he's sentimental and wants to give her a good seeing off. But listen to your sisters: be careful, NEVER take his word alone, don't believe him till you see the paperwork and be suspicious even then.

 

I was also wondering that he is buying time,while he decides what tha heck he is going to do.

[outofdarkness]

Hi, my H used to take his wedding band off when he traveled and cheated. Sometimes they leave it on, sometimes they take it off. I got the impression that it's pretty random...