alex434 Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Hello, i've been seeing this girl for about a month now and things have been going great. The only problem is that i kind of got myself into a jam... Shes a virgin, but out of fear that she might not like me the same if i said i wasent (which im not) i told her that i was a virgin too... I know big no no but the problem is now is i dont know if i should just let it be or if i should tell her. I havent actually "done it" in a while if that helps and im just worried that if we get into something serious, this is going to be sitting in the back of my mind. So the question is, is it really that important that she should know? should i tell her now or should i just wait until we start getting serious. Everyday this sits in the back of my mind because i hate liars and right now im being the biggest hypocrit ever, someone please help
norajane Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Tell her the truth and ask her to forgive you. The longer you wait to tell her, the worse it will be when you finally do. A lie is one thing, but continual deception is much, much worse.
Author alex434 Posted March 12, 2007 Author Posted March 12, 2007 i understand that but im afraid if i tell her i might lose her and i dont want to lose her and she might not trust me the way she does now...
norajane Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 You have only been dating a month and you care about her to the point you don't want to do anything to lose her. This lie is weighing on your mind already. It's causing you stress. The longer you keep this secret from her, the more stress it's going to cause. If you do get to a point where this is a serious relationship and tell her then, she's going to be a lot more mad at you than if you come clean now. You don't want to be in a position where the start of this relationship is based on a lie. She'll have a lot more respect for you if you tell her now. Just tell her you were afraid she wouldn't respect you if she knew you had some experience so you blurted out the lie without thinking and you have been feeling really, really bad about it ever since. She'll see that you are genuinely sorry, she'll know it took a lot of guts to come clean, and yeah, she'll be mad for bit, but she will very likely forgive you. She'll trust you more if you are honest with her now, rather than later. Think about it - if you lie to her about this for a year, when she does find out, she'll have to question everything you've told her throughout your whole relationship. By being honest and admitting it, she'll have more reason to trust you aren't just a bold-faced liar about everything. Real liars who can't be trusted don't admit to their lies until they are caught.
ddnnee Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 wait a minute, girls do the same to me too! They always tell me they are a virgin regardless of # of boyfriends they had. some believe that using a condom means they are still a virgin.
magichands Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 some believe that using a condom means they are still a virgin. That's true, actually. It's exactly like a latex dildo, then. The only difference is that it's attached to a dick. I mean, a person.
Sand&Water Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Reply: I Have A Big Secret, Should I Expose It? Yes. Y-E-S. Yes. Reason #1: You will the biggest LOSER if you don't. Reason #2: Guilt. Guilt. Guilt eats anyone alive. Reason #4: Bless your girlfriend's soul for unknowingly getting together with an undercover hypocrite. Reason #3: Karma -if you don't. Sand&Water
binsta Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I agree.. you should tell her. Relationships should be built on honesty, and if you really like this girl, you should be honest with her. Im sure she will understand when you explain why you said you were a virgin to begin with. Trust me, a weight will be lifted off your shoulders, and she should respect you for coming forth. Best of luck!
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Have you been to prison? Have you bent forward for soap in the prison shower? Nope? Then you are still a virgin...sort of:D Problem is not if you are virgin or not. Problem is that you shouldnt lie to seduce her. If she can be put off by you not being a virgin then it is not a strong attraction anyway. Guys lie that they are not virgins to brake the magic cirle..."fake it till you make it" but pretending innocence is little bit worse. If you want to tell her...tell her now not after!
TheSwordfish Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Lying is always the wrong way to go. Never lie about things like that. Girls like a sincere appologie though, so maybe it's not too late. Letting her know before something happens, shows her you care. It all depends on your intentions though.....
TheDC Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Hello, i've been seeing this girl for about a month now and things have been going great. The only problem is that i kind of got myself into a jam... Shes a virgin, but out of fear that she might not like me the same if i said i wasent (which im not) i told her that i was a virgin too... I know big no no but the problem is now is i dont know if i should just let it be or if i should tell her. I havent actually "done it" in a while if that helps and im just worried that if we get into something serious, this is going to be sitting in the back of my mind. So the question is, is it really that important that she should know? should i tell her now or should i just wait until we start getting serious. Everyday this sits in the back of my mind because i hate liars and right now im being the biggest hypocrit ever, someone please help You need to tell her. But there are several ways to do it. Just be honest, tell her exactly how you felt and that you said that you weren't because you feared that she wouldn't be interested in you. If it were me I'd say something along the lines of I told you that I was a virgin because I didn't want you to think that I was going to expect sex, or something like that. First and foremost make sure to let her know that you respect her decision and that you don't have any expectations and that you are perfectly happy with the relationship as it is (hopefully all of this is true). If you are going out with her with the expectation of having sex with her and she isn't willing then you had better break up with her right away.
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