What the h....... ?

[TheSwordfish]

Hello girls and guys.

 

I'm usually great with women. Well at leat the last half year I'v had a greta time. Known as a womanizer nowadays. But, well, I'm a tad confused.

 

I met a girl and she sees right threw me. Recognized me as "a player"and noticed many of my usual nice things she calls "tricks". She thinks I'm sexy and sweet (her friends told me). And she made it very clear she likes me herself.

 

She suggested we should meet and so we did. She was nervous as hell at first, but we had a great time. Chemistry and fun wise I would rate it like an 8. She shows all the signs I ussually judge as really possitive.

 

Waited a while before having contact again and texted her. Wanted to call her but she started talking to me on MSN. Asked her for a second date. First she was enthousiastic, but on the date I suggested to go she said she didn't have time. And then she told me she didn't have time this week. She said: "We talk about this later with my agenda at hand"

 

(This is almost an exact remark I genuinly made when she asked when I had time to go out, my agenda is always full, I have lots of dates and social events, so I only had on e day open that week)

 

For me not coming up with an immidiate moment for the second date means, screw you girl, I'm going to spend time with the others that do have time!

 

So in my usual way (having fun myself!), I made it clear that I would like a normal answer. I even used my personal favorite: If you are going to say something about becoming friends I suggest you buy a dog. She didn't say that. Well I had a laugh, and she did have one as well.

 

But things got weird. She ended the conversation saying; now it's time for me to try my tricks on you..... Sleep well.....

 

What the hell. Okay, I don't like this. On the one hand I'm impressed by her intelligence and the fact she's different then most girls I dated. On the other I don't want a girl messing with me. Although I guess I deserve it.

 

Possible explanations

-She's A moralist trying to take me down just for the sake of all the women in the world.

-She doesn't like the fact I waited calling her (sources point at that).

 

What I will do (my own idea):

-No contact at all, I'm not even going to say hello on MSN (unless she says something herself)

-See what she will do

 

The fact she starts about her playing tricks on me means she's thinking hard about this. I think she is either testing me, if this will make me a wussy chasing her, desparate for some love. Or maybe she's nasty trying to give me some hope. Or she just doesnt have the guts to say she doesn't like me (wich strikes me as odd, judging the way she acted and the things she said before and I have developped a great gut instinct by now).

 

What do the experts here think?

 

(I'm not asking for people responding that I'm a mindgame playing *******. I'm always respectfull to women and have never used any human being.)

[Star Gazer]

A "womanizer" knows how to get a naive woman into bed, nothing more. From what you've described, she knows your game and isn't into playing it, unless she has the upper hand.

[Lauriebell82]

i totally agree with stargazer..she's trying to beat u at ur own game dude. so if u dont want to date a girl who's got the upper hand go back to dating naive girls that u can play. (not that i'm promoting that, i hate players with a passion).

[roxy_1980]

You played around and didn't call her for a while. Now, she gonna wait on giving you an answer about date number 2. Sounds fair. She's calling you out on your $hit! How you react will dictate whether she continues on with this or not. She doesn't want to be played and is trying to send you a clear signal that she won't tolerate the games.

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

 

TheSwordfish: Your fuse is about to blow.

 

She is not impressed by your ring-around-the-playground approach to dating. Trying to inject spark, thrill, and sexual build-up to this situation is not necessary -rather it will only cause damage and a lousy interaction.

 

By telling you "now it's time for me to try my tricks on you" she is ready and wants to win this back-and-forth toss of power.

 

I advice you to straighten your plans, approach, and mannerism. Ask her out the proper way, go with the flow, and be confident [firm] about it.

 

Oh and asking a woman out via MSN is just plain unflattering -actually loser.

 

Sand&Water

[DanielMadr]

She is playing you, he he. You only might guess if she is the good player...playing to get you or the evil one....playing to boost ego:confused:

 

Im not a player. I know some tricks but Im not afraid anymore so I dont hide behind them. Even then Im viewed as player and girls try the "I can see through you" game....which is rude at least and stupid for sure....because they know f@ck all So I know what is your situation now.

 

You are f@cked. Unless you are very strong personality = you can sweep her of her feet by your wisdom aka you are way much smarter than her. But you probably wont have a chance for this because of on-going power games.

[TheSwordfish]

She is playing you, he he. You only might guess if she is the good player...playing to get you or the evil one....playing to boost ego:confused:

 

Im not a player. I know some tricks but Im not afraid anymore so I dont hide behind them. Even then Im viewed as player and girls try the "I can see through you" game....which is rude at least and stupid for sure....because they know f@ck all So I know what is your situation now.

 

You are f@cked. Unless you are very strong personality = you can sweep her of her feet by your wisdom aka you are way much smarter than her. But you probably wont have a chance for this because of on-going power games.

 

Haha, annoying, eh? But I do think it's kind of funny. I don't know why girls come up with the player thing. Just because you aren't afraid of her or something. I guess it's my own fault somethimes if girls think I'm really like that. When I first meet a girl, they tend to ask me something stupd like: So how is your girlfriend, or do you have a girlfriend. If they ask the former of the two, my initial answer would be something like: Wich One? Maybe the humor is confusing......

 

I am light hearted and usually smart enough. This girl is really smart though; straight A student, social and in her early twenties.

 

She actually started chasing me, in a way. After a party, she figured out my MSN by herself (searching the invitation Email we receieved) (The mutual friend we have, didn't want to give it to her, because he didn't know what I thought). Her question was: when are we going to meet again? Texted me a lot in anticipation... So I thought I was doing fine

 

Well, the weather is great, I'm going to have a walk outside and meet some new people

[Walk]

Just as you aren't trying to hurt others by being a player, I dont feel she's trying to hurt you with her actions. I think she's protecting herself.

 

I say this because she did seem to genuinely enjoy your company. She probably feels that you're not interested in her as much as she is in you because you're cloaked in "tricks" and games. She can't tell what's genuine from you. So she assumes that you're always like this with any girl. That signs of interest are so pat that you give them off to any girl you run across. She might be scared that she'll misread those signs as geniune attraction to who she is, and act accordingly, only to have her heart ripped out later.

 

She used your own line (agenda in hand) because that is the line you gave her. You've already established it as a fair and just way of expressing you have other obligations. Yet you became defensive when she said it. Told her to go buy a dog. (just thought I'd point that out. Its kind of interesting. You said you don't play games to hurt women, yet became defensive when reversed.)

 

Anyway... I'm just going off how I would feel/think if I were in this woman's shoes. I'd play it casual with you unless you were willing to come out of your shell enough to be "real" with me. If you weren't, and kept putting on the tricks and game play, then I'd be really busy. It wouldn't be to hurt anyone else, just that I don't enjoy getting my heart stomped on and this would help to protect against it.

 

And real doesn't mean "wuss", or chase me, or become a desperate loser who I can control. It means saying what you want, speaking the truth, letting the cards fall where they may. Putting enough effort in to show you aren't going to just ditch and run at a whim. Showing that if you do value something that you aren't afraid to step forward and acknowledge it.

 

This doesn't mean fall at her feet or have your schedule wide open at all times. But make some time. Show some effort. Show some of the real you. Call her without rules, or guidliness stating "3 days later". Be real.

 

If you like the girl, then say it. You don't automatically become her hand puppet just because you voice your thoughts. But unless you give her something real to grab onto, then she's not going to put herself in jeapordy when you play the same tricks and tactics that you've used on every other girl. But seems like you're using a shell to buffer your heart from others. To me, that's like asking her to swim through dangerous waters to meet you while you sit in the comfort of a yacht, yet no idea if you'd actually let her on the yacht when she got there.

 

Understand that I can't read this girls mind, but this is how I would see things if I were in her shoes.

[TheSwordfish]

You played around and didn't call her for a while. Now, she gonna wait on giving you an answer about date number 2. Sounds fair. She's calling you out on your $hit! How you react will dictate whether she continues on with this or not. She doesn't want to be played and is trying to send you a clear signal that she won't tolerate the games.

 

Not doing anything seems like the right reaction to me.....

[TheSwordfish]

Just as you aren't trying to hurt others by being a player, I dont feel she's trying to hurt you with her actions. I think she's protecting herself.

 

I say this because she did seem to genuinely enjoy your company. She probably feels that you're not interested in her as much as she is in you because you're cloaked in "tricks" and games. She can't tell what's genuine from you. So she assumes that you're always like this with any girl. That signs of interest are so pat that you give them off to any girl you run across. She might be scared that she'll misread those signs as geniune attraction to who she is, and act accordingly, only to have her heart ripped out later.

 

She used your own line (agenda in hand) because that is the line you gave her. You've already established it as a fair and just way of expressing you have other obligations. Yet you became defensive when she said it. Told her to go buy a dog. (just thought I'd point that out. Its kind of interesting. You said you don't play games to hurt women, yet became defensive when reversed.)

 

Anyway... I'm just going off how I would feel/think if I were in this woman's shoes. I'd play it casual with you unless you were willing to come out of your shell enough to be "real" with me. If you weren't, and kept putting on the tricks and game play, then I'd be really busy. It wouldn't be to hurt anyone else, just that I don't enjoy getting my heart stomped on and this would help to protect against it.

 

And real doesn't mean "wuss", or chase me, or become a desperate loser who I can control. It means saying what you want, speaking the truth, letting the cards fall where they may. Putting enough effort in to show you aren't going to just ditch and run at a whim. Showing that if you do value something that you aren't afraid to step forward and acknowledge it.

 

This doesn't mean fall at her feet or have your schedule wide open at all times. But make some time. Show some effort. Show some of the real you. Call her without rules, or guidliness stating "3 days later". Be real.

 

If you like the girl, then say it. You don't automatically become her hand puppet just because you voice your thoughts. But unless you give her something real to grab onto, then she's not going to put herself in jeapordy when you play the same tricks and tactics that you've used on every other girl. But seems like you're using a shell to buffer your heart from others. To me, that's like asking her to swim through dangerous waters to meet you while you sit in the comfort of a yacht, yet no idea if you'd actually let her on the yacht when she got there.

 

Understand that I can't read this girls mind, but this is how I would see things if I were in her shoes.

 

Great reply. I think you're right. I used the buy a dog joke in a different way. She asked me what my intentions are.

 

She didn't just say: Now its time to try my tricks on you, have a good nights rest.

[DanielMadr]

Very nicely put Walk...as always.

 

Id like to point out this:

 

... you're using a shell to buffer your heart from others. ...

 

I think you TheSwordfish are in stage #2.

Stage #1 is guy who is afraid even to approach aka wussy

Stage #2 is guy who is OK with approaching, flirting (games) etc. but still he needs to shield his heart (ego or whatever) by hiding behind techniques...'Oh techniques didnt work not me' kind of excuse.

Stage #3 is more like 'I dont give a f@ck' attitude. You have this kevlar around heart (layers keep building with every strike on it)...no defending by slashing around, just staying cool. But it bothers you deep down anyway to tell you the truth. But it has to hurt I think.

Stage #4 is cold-hearted azzhole..... hope to not get that far and loose all idealism and sence for romance and all that BS (ooops I think I skipped a stage right now)

[DanielMadr]

She actually started chasing me, in a way.

 

The only question is: Are you interested in her because you want to solve this puzzle, win this battle or Are you interested in her romantically? And that is what she asks herself right now, hopefully.

 

And you should be honest to yourself and play her accordingly. Or youll be the evil player....playing without sincere intetions.

[TheSwordfish]

The only question is: Are you interested in her because you want to solve this puzzle, win this battle or Are you interested in her romantically? And that is what she asks herself right now, hopefully.

 

And you should be honest to yourself and play her accordingly. Or youll be the evil player....playing without sincere intetions.

 

A really good question. I'm not really sure. Am I just interested because she's different or do I actually like her? hmm...... She's intelligent, has sweet eyes, has a good sense of humor, so I do have a sincere interest in her.

 

But I think acting on it now, will be exactly what she expects, and it doesn't feel like a good idea.

 

The have a good nights rest comment after the play my tricks on you sentence strikes me as odd. As if she thinks I will not sleep (slept 9 hours ) when she acts like this. Where does that come from? Just wondering.....

 

(well i did get enough sleep, had a greta time at work and outside today, but I posted this, so in a sense she succeeded )

[DanielMadr]

A really good question. I'm not really sure. Am I just interested because she's different or do I actually like her? hmm...... She's intelligent, has sweet eyes, has a good sense of humor, so I do have a sincere interest in her.

 

But I think acting on it now, will be exactly what she expects, and it doesn't feel like a good idea.

 

The have a good nights rest comment after the play my tricks on you sentence strikes me as odd. As if she thinks I will not sleep (slept 9 hours ) when she acts like this. Where does that come from? Just wondering.....

 

(well i did get enough sleep, had a greta time at work and outside today, but I posted this, so in a sense she succeeded )

 

I would call her and settle a peace conference for friday evening. And you should demand for her to wear tint glasses....no weapons at conference table.

[TheSwordfish]

Good One

 

But hey, Friday I have a party and saturdaynight I'm meeting my old classmates from six years ago

 

Only free nights I have are tuesday and wednesday

[DanielMadr]

Good One

 

But hey, Friday I have a party and saturdaynight I'm meeting my old classmates from six years ago

 

Only free nights I have are tuesday and wednesday

 

Dont tell it to me. Im not impressed:D And she wont be either. Be it Tuesday then.

[serial muse]

wow, i'm exhausted just reading about all these games you're playing!

 

but i'll be interested to watch the arms race unfold...

[TheSwordfish]

hahaha, well I don't feel like an arms race I guess. Step 1 to 4... becoming an ******* in steps..... I thought people were born that way?

 

"Time for me to play my tricks on you, for now have a good nights sleep"

 

What the h.... h:bunny:

[TheSwordfish]

I think she's testing me. In this case I don't think taking action is what I should do. By taking action this week, I do show that I care, but then again, I also let her know she controls me and that she has as much influence as she claims to have.

 

Maybe she is testing my patience...

 

Well, I was hoping one of the guru's (with decades of experience) would have something to say about it

[TheSwordfish]

She contacts me all the time... makes remarks... so I'll call her to make a new date Who cares.. just want to have fun