Guest Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Do any of you believe that if you set someone free and they do really love you, that they will return? Is this the ultimate test to see if the MM/MW really loves you? There have been some posts recently where the OW has chased after the MM and this has made the MM even more distant. My advice is to back right off because if you have chased and been rebuffed, it will not be fatal if he loves you. It is only human nature to do these things occasionally, and the MM will understand that you are involved with him. However as has been said elsewhere, the more you chase, the further he will withdraw and the longer it will be before he returns--if he returns. If he doesn't return then he is not in love with you. The trouble is that when they come back, it is not necessarily because they have decided that they want a future with the OW/OM, but rather that they miss the affair and the love of the OW. Maybe they have tried working on their marriages but it's just not working out, so they look for the easy option. I actually believe that if you are deeply in love with each other, then the people concerned will do anything to be together. That usually involves the MM leaving his marriage. Or am I just being an unrealistic romantic?
Tony T Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 You are being an unrealistic romantic. There are no particular rules. Fact is, if somebody is inclined to seek happiness outside of their marriage they will find somebody else fairly quickly. This whole thing is a lot more emotionally complicated than most people think. It cannot be oversimplified. Set a MM or MW free and, yes, they could come back if there are slim pickin's. But that could also cause them to reassess their marriage and work on it. Or they may very well act on the inclination to pursue things with the server that flirts with them at the diner. If you have to set somebody free, there's got to be a good reason and no matter how much you want...that reason doesn't simply disappear because you are playing hard ball. That's not the game of choice when you're doing the romance thing in this type of environment.
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I actually believe that if you are deeply in love with each other, then the people concerned will do anything to be together. That usually involves the MM leaving his marriage. Or am I just being an unrealistic romantic? Some people wake up and realize that their childrens happiness and what is best for the family is more important than their own personal needs. And, because of that, marriages can be fixed and revived.
Freedom Now Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I set my MM free over a year ago when she found out about me. He has repeatedly returned to me over and over. But he has offered nothing more than the scraps he offered in the affair. When I finally set HIM free for the last time, he stayed away. He knows I am not a settler and never will be. Yeah, I set him free. And he came back to me. But, this is the point: he was never MINE.
GreenEyedLady Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Do any of you believe that if you set someone free and they do really love you, that they will return? I think the best thing is to "set yourself free"... The "if it comes back, it's yours forever" is really just romantic jargon to either prove or disprove a non-tangible ideal, such as emotion or feeling... Because it doesn't mean if he comes back, he does love you or that if he doesn't come back, he doesn't love you...and it sure doesn't mean anyone is yours forever... In EMA there are so many other dynamics going on, that love is not always the deciding factor... But if YOU live every day in a way you can look back on and say "I have loved and lived and learned," that's what matters... I believe that what will be, will be...we just need to be as responsible in our choices as we can, so what will be, will be something good...
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I think the best thing is to "set yourself free"... One of the best lines ever and applicable to anything in life. We truly create our own limitations.
Meaplus3 Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Do any of you believe that if you set someone free and they do really love you, that they will return? I think the best thing is to "set yourself free"... The "if it comes back, it's yours forever" is really just romantic jargon to either prove or disprove a non-tangible ideal, such as emotion or feeling... Because it doesn't mean if he comes back, he does love you or that if he doesn't come back, he doesn't love you...and it sure doesn't mean anyone is yours forever... In EMA there are so many other dynamics going on, that love is not always the deciding factor... But if YOU live every day in a way you can look back on and say "I have loved and lived and learned," that's what matters... I believe that what will be, will be...we just need to be as responsible in our choices as we can, so what will be, will be something good... Very well said GEL! AP:)
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 By doing that you run the risk of hurting your partner so deeply that the relationship will be beyond recognition, basically it's seriously f***ing with someones heart and it can ruin people.
scaredinlove Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Do any of you believe that if you set someone free and they do really love you, that they will return? Is this the ultimate test to see if the MM/MW really loves you? There have been some posts recently where the OW has chased after the MM and this has made the MM even more distant. My advice is to back right off because if you have chased and been rebuffed, it will not be fatal if he loves you. It is only human nature to do these things occasionally, and the MM will understand that you are involved with him. However as has been said elsewhere, the more you chase, the further he will withdraw and the longer it will be before he returns--if he returns. If he doesn't return then he is not in love with you. The trouble is that when they come back, it is not necessarily because they have decided that they want a future with the OW/OM, but rather that they miss the affair and the love of the OW. Maybe they have tried working on their marriages but it's just not working out, so they look for the easy option. I actually believe that if you are deeply in love with each other, then the people concerned will do anything to be together. That usually involves the MM leaving his marriage. Or am I just being an unrealistic romantic? I wish I could answer you question, but it seems to me that love is not the strongest feeling when it comes to marriage. People will think about finaces first and what others will think, love is the last one in the line unfortunatelly.
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