pfc Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 hello everyone. my name is kurt and im 25. i have read quit a few threads and posts on this site and i thought that since im kind of in a situation were i could use some advice that i would start a thread. like i said im 25. i am stationd in south korea right now, for about another four months. my wife is 19. she as well is in the army and is stationd in north carolina. we have been married since early november 2006. we knew eachother a little less than a year before getting married. i love my wife and would never do anything to hurt her. latly i feel that i have not been the best husband, especialy in our situation. being away from her is realy hard. i have never been in a serious relationship before her. she was never in a serious relationship before me. in october 06 a couple of guys tryed to rap her, thank god they didnt succeed. i was already in korea and she was lonely and graduating school, she dicided to go out with a couple of guy friends from school and have a couple of drinks. im not sure what it was but they put a pill in one of her drinks and................... since then i have tryed to be even more supportive and tryed to be there for her at ALL times. after this happend we continued on with our plan and got married in nov. 06. then i went back to finish my tour in korea. im sucure with my wife not cheating on me, i know that she wont and if you knew her you would know that too. she had another guy friend that i asked her not to talk to. reason being.... she went to the movies with this guy and he tryed to make a pass at her, (put his hand on ther thigh). me trying to be protective i asked her to not talk to him anymore. to my knowledge she hasnt. she has turned to drinking and partying more as the weeks go by. i ask her not to drink and when she does she says that its because she is lonly and that drinking makes her feel better. i call her every morning to wake her up. if i cant be there with her i like to "pretend" in a way. she says that she will call me later, after she wakes up and gets to work, i usually dont hear from her. i dont realy get to talk to her on the weekend because she is always with her friends. then when she does call me its right before she goes to bed and its only for about five or ten minutes. im insucure with myself and i have tryed so hard to not be negative. i get upset when i dont get to talk to her and when she says that she is with her friends and she will call me back. i feel like im not as improtant as them. her drinking has gotten more excessive and every time i talk to her on the weekends, when i do, it turns into a fight. all i want is a phone call from time to time, even just for two minutes, just to let me know that she loves me and is thinking of me. ive tryed to tell her and she says ok then......nothing! before my marriage goes completly out the window, what should i do. should i do anything and just hope that everything will be better when i see her next. i dont even know if i will get stationed with her in four months....... my problems are not as dramatic as some of the other threads i have seen on this site, but i would like to fix them before they become any worse. there are more details, but i dont think they are too significant. thanks for reading and im sorry if i sound like im wining. i just want my wife to be happy again. i want to be the one that makes her happy. any input would be greatly appreciated. thanks again..........................
Erik Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 If you love her, you are in trouble, but I guess you figured as much. Your only hope is applied bastard-psychology. Remember, women love bastards, men love bitches. Here's the Catch 22 of love: familiarity breeds contempt. Or rather, devotion breeds contempt. And indifference breeds love. Sorry, but that's the basics. It sound like she is slipping away from you, or already have. You must treat her to a healthy dose of the indifference she has been showing you. It will be hard in the beginning, not calling her, feigning boredom when she calls, not answer the phone and not call her back, but it becomes easier with practice. Alas. Because that's the flip side of the dilemma: if the treatment works, you'll become increasingly irritated with her calling all the time, checking on you, interrogating you, being a sticky nuisance, all of it feelings that will reinforce her love for you. A Catch 22. Trust me, if anything works, this does. It's a dirty trick, but all is fair in love and war. So reel in your lovin' heart, the worst thing that could happen to you is that you'll be free of her. If it makes it any easier for you, by what you write, I think you wife is cheating. Hold that thought when you talk to her on the phone. I used to be a fisherman myself, away from wifey months on end; luckily I worked twenty hours a day, but a relationship like that can drive you insane.
Erik Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Relationships are never equal, one has to be the top dog, emotionally. I've tried both kinds, and you really want to heed this. It's primate psychology: by feigning indifference, what you are signalling is that you don't consider your wife quite good enough for you. Your wife will pick up on this and believe it. She therefore assumes, that you are really too good for her, and she'll start running after you like a puppy. Likewise, if you are doing the running, she'll conclude that she is too good for you. Why else would you be running after a girl like herself? I know I sound awfully cynical, but then I've seen a few wives come and go, and as I said, I've tried both to be the underdog and the daddy. You want the latter. Love!?! Yes, forgot about that, didn't I? Don't know much about love, but you can always ponder that when you have her eating out of your hand. First things first.
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