Guest Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I could really use some advice. I just moved in with my boyfriend of half a year a month ago and since then we've been fighting non stop. At first it was about old issues that never really got resolved (whether he still had feelings for his ex gf whom he was madly in love with) and now it's about daily things like how much time we spend together. He says I need too much attention, am difficult and demanding. While I know occasionally I can be demanding, we've gone through such a rocky period and the issues have upset me so much that I feel like I need his company and emotional support more than ever. I try not to cut into his personal time but he constantly says he needs space to do his own things and that he should get to decide what he wanted to do with his time, whether to spend it with me or otherwise, no matter if I'm feeling lonely or unhappy. I know we're both emotionally exhausted but he makes me feel like I have to beg for access to his time and I hate that. Three days ago we had a huge fight because I felt that he was taking me for granted and only spending time with me when there was nothing else going on. If someone's having a party or hanging out - he's there immediately and with no thought to me at all. But when there's nothing else to catch his attention, he's "spending lots of time" with me. To my mind, doing laundry, getting dinner and stuff like that are chores and cannot replace real quality time together. He doesn't understand that I need affection and "couple time" because to him, living together and just his mere physical presence is enough. We both can't seem to agree how much time we should spend together and after all the fights we've had, we're drained. We've been tossing out the idea of splitting for a while but this time when I felt like I wasn't sure if it was the best solution, he said he would take the initiative to call it off because he couldn't stand the arguments anymore. I know he's still thinking about trying to work it out but I have no idea where to go from here. It makes me cry thinking about how much he used to care about me, how much he liked me and how affectionate he used to be when we first started dating. I would really really like to know how to make things better. Please help.
Fairytale Dreamer Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Did you two talk about issues like this before moving in together and when you two decided to move in together, what were the reasons? Convience? Rent? To take the next step in the relationship?...etc. There may be a lack of communication on both ends when it comes to moving in together. Maybe you view it as an opportunity to take the next step in the relationship where he may not. Try to figure this out and talk it out together. Instead of spending every possible time together with one another maybe dedicate one night a week for alone time for you two. No phones, no friends, nothing. Either go out and experience things that make you both happy or hole yourself inside the house focusing on one another. This way, neither of you will feel you're not putting one anothers needs and wants into consideration. If neither of you are willing to do this then maybe its best just to cut your losses now before you may be in too deep and attached longer into the relationship. Better to find out now then later.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 it sounds like ur ready to move in together and ur bf wasnt. i agree with talking about reasons that u did move in together, because honestly if he really does need a lot of space, then living with a gf, esp. after 6 monhts probably isnt for the best. is this something u both really really wanted? i like fairytale dreamers idea about dedicating one night a week just an alone time wtih u. on the flip side, maybe u should designate time with ur own friends too. living together can be overwhelming if u are together constantly so maybe u could do some things apart too. u probably shouldnt have gotten pissed that he wanted to go out with his friends. are there any friends of ur own who u can go out with? maybe find other stuff to do then rely on ur bf so much. my advice is to try to do other things without each other. tell him that u need some "girl time" and go out and have fun! thats what a healthy relationship is, having time to urself and with ur own friends. if u two become too dependent on each other and have nothing else in ur life, ur relationship is just doomed to failure.
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