Guest Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Not sure if this is the right board but... I met this guy a couple months ago who I thought was cute and he asked me for my number. I gave it to him thinking he could be someone to date...at first. We started talking on the phone... normal conversations about work (strange coincidence he works for the agency I'm in the process for a job for which made me less interested in dating him), politics (we're at two ends of the spectrum so stimulating convos), the fact that he filed for divorce from his wife of 10 years which will be final April 2 and how tough it's been for him, etc. BUT at the beginning the calls would end in a sexual nature. Like I said, we find each other very attractive so I didn't mind and he certainly didn't either. The phone sex though got less and less in the past couple weeks to just good conversations about work, hobbies, friends, politics again... basically smalltalk and venting. We used to talk everyday for at least 20 minutes until this week when I haven't heard from him at all except for a missed call from him a couple days ago. I called him back yesterday and have yet to hear from him. He's a federal agent working undercover in the gang unit, and work has been pretty crazy lately. Last week two people on his squad almost got killed on his watch, and I know that the looming April 2 day when he and his soon to be ex appear before the judge to finalize the divorce is def on his mind. Anyway, I digress. He's awesome, a great listener and confidante, and I miss our convos, but do I want a "dating" relationship with him?? No. I'm actually dating other people, plus he's got some post-divorce baggage to deal with. What I do really want is our friendship. I miss our conversations. I don't have many male friends. I haven't talked to him since last weekend. That's weird. I know there are rules about dating a guy and calling him and waiting X number of days etc., but what about not dating someone but wanting to be exclusively friends? Are there rules for that??
Guest Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Just call him if you want to talk to him. Something definitely happened after Sunday. Maybe he reconciled with his wife. That'd be fantastic, but either way, I felt his friendship was worth one more shot. I called and left one last brief v-mail last night just saying it's been a while since we've talked but that he's a friend and if he ever needs someone to talk or vent to I'm always here. If he calls me back, he calls me back. I'm not going to worry about it anymore (or at least try not to ) and took the extra step of setting his ringer to silent, a tip I got from another poster on these boards.
Curmudgeon Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Are there rules for that?? Why are, where are and why should there be, rules for any inter-personal relationships? I've never read them, heard them or paid any attention to them. Where are they written? Who enforces them? What are the penalties for violating them? Rules, schmules! I've always gone with my instincts, gut feelings, whatever you want to call them.
Hitman10000 Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 lol, 2 people almost got killed in his "undercover gang squad" Sure buddy, sure. Liar. STRIKE ONE. he calls you everyday for the past couple months, talks for 15-30 minutes but doesn't ask you out, sounds like low f*cking interest! If I wanted to play hide the salami with a hot chick, I'll be the one telling her where to go right off from the start. Why the need to talk about "Yeah, Bush has low ratings" or "My work sucks" , I'm more interested in how strong her vaginal muscles are. STRIKE TWO. He likes watching gay porn. Well that's not true, I'm just putting this as a filler for STRIKE THREE. Who cares about this guy, seriously. Stop talking to him.
Guest Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 lol, 2 people almost got killed in his "undercover gang squad" Sure buddy, sure. Liar. STRIKE ONE. he calls you everyday for the past couple months, talks for 15-30 minutes but doesn't ask you out, sounds like low f*cking interest! If I wanted to play hide the salami with a hot chick, I'll be the one telling her where to go right off from the start. Why the need to talk about "Yeah, Bush has low ratings" or "My work sucks" , I'm more interested in how strong her vaginal muscles are. STRIKE TWO. He likes watching gay porn. Well that's not true, I'm just putting this as a filler for STRIKE THREE. Who cares about this guy, seriously. Stop talking to him. Hitman, LOL. That put a much-needed smile on my face. Thanks! But the part about the undercover gang squad is true. I have friends that work with him so I know he wasn't bullsh*tting me about that. I made the decision to have the last word so I left him a vmail saying I know something's up, and If you ever need anyone to talk to you've got my number. I doubt I'll hear from him, but I feel somewhat better having said my piece. I just hate being left with questions and no answers. Curmudgeon, I feel the SAME WAY. But, I grew up overseas and as such my dating experiences were far different. When I moved back here recently, I felt like a fish out of water so I looked to others for advice and what I got was people were quoting from "The Rules" and "He's Just Not that Into You" and other such books and I'm still confused because I have never played games yet I feel that's expected. I had no idea things would be so hard.
TheSwordfish Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 He wants to be friends. Or maybe not. What do you want? To girls I would say, if you want us to be friends, draw a moustache underneath your nose, get a beer belly, and yell and grunt at me in the pub.
Pyro Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 What I do really want is our friendship. I miss our conversations. I don't have many male friends. I haven't talked to him since last weekend. That's weird. I know there are rules about dating a guy and calling him and waiting X number of days etc., but what about not dating someone but wanting to be exclusively friends? Are there rules for that?? Lots of guys are not interested or are unable to handle a strictly friends type of relationship with women. Tell him how you truly feel. Don't leave him with false hope, but no guarantees that he will want to stick around to be just your friend and nothing more.
Guest Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Lots of guys are not interested or are unable to handle a strictly friends type of relationship with women. Tell him how you truly feel. Don't leave him with false hope, but no guarantees that he will want to stick around to be just your friend and nothing more. I always wondered about whether men and women could really be just friends. I mean as a girl, I've been able to switch from a lovers-type relationship to thinking of the person as strictly friends and being ok with that, but maybe guys aren't wired that way. For the guys, have you ever abruptly stopped contact with someone or not responded to a message (whether text or vmail) for no apparent reason? (So to give an update, I haven't heard back from him after the message I left on Saturday so I'm still puzzled as to what changed or happened. I was thinking of calling him around April 2nd just to see how he's holding up. Good idea? Bad idea?)
Recommended Posts