Aquarian Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 So I've known this girl for a year. But we just got to hang out the other day. And we had a blast. We flirted the whole night and on the phone before and afterwards. But more talking and emailing revealed that she's not ready for a relationship until she's known the person well for a long time. I dunno how long that is, and I just don't know about the situation... And I'm kind of afraid of what might happen if time goes on...
BlueEyedSarah Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Sounds like she just wants to take things slow.
Guest Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Sounds like she just wants to take things slow. Maybe. But she said, "Can't we be friends for now or would that be weird?" She said that relationships just freak her out unless she's known em a long time... I still gotta talk to her more about it. I get flustered though with her. Heh. I'll have to ask her if we'd consider it casual dating or just hanging out... That sound good?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Honestly, she's putting you firmly in the 'friend zone'. Someone here referred to it as the "unboyfriend" which is a pretty apt term for it. You get treated like a boyfriend in many ways (flirting, going out, etc) but are barred from an actual relationship. You would be shocked at how quickly her standards change when she meets up with a guy she really wants to go out with and date - the whole "waiting a long time" and "not ready for a relationship" thing will go right out the window if she's really into the guy. Don't be surprised if this happens. It happens more often than not. The long time "friend guy" who has been waiting in the wings is left confused about how someone who is "not ready for a relationship" ends up head over heels in a whirlwind romance with some other guy she barely knows. Certainly there is nothing wrong with hanging out with this girl. Just understand that the longer you hang out with her as the "friend guy", the firmer the relationship lockout will be. It makes sense when you think about it. If you can get what you want out of a guy without actually having to go through the hassle of dating him, why would you date him? All you have to do is flirt with him from time to time, and be receptive to his flirting and he'll stay right where you want him. As long as she covers her ass from time to time by giving you the "waiting to get to know you" and the "friends" lines she is all good to go. It sounds pretty awful, but there have been many an unhappy "unboyfriend" here on the LoveShack. Some of them actually manage to unlock themselves, move on and find a woman who will actually reciprocate.
brandie32 Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Wow she is dead on!! That is true sounds like she is using you as a "safety net". If you are ok with it and can have fun with it than go for it. But you may miss someone great, because of this. She is still keeping her options wide open so she will not miss out. I would just walk away and not waste anytime with it. In fact this may draw her closer to you.
Sand&Water Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Reply: She is using friendship and time as her shield. Don't run away -unless you have taking-it-slow phobia. Plainly do light contact and flirt with her. Definitely stay away from her and less attention. You'll be comforted into the friends' zone IF you frequently contact her. Over time, she will miss your companionship -that is IF she likes you or still is in like with you. Do you know each other well enough to have brushed on past histories, break-ups, tramaus? Perhaps she is coping with something major, at the moment. Overall, don't over analyze/think -mindlessly go about your day. Sand&Water
TheSwordfish Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I would run... run like the wind. I think (and this is the trap many of my friends to to fall in) you'll be her friend for a long time. At a certain point you'll be the one hearing the stories about her boyfriend that treats her bad. And when you make a move, she'll tell you she doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Decide this: Do you want her as nothing but a friend? Or do you want to keep up with being freinds becasue you are hoping you can become more later on? The second choice is ussually a frustrating one. It comes down to you sticking around with high hopes that are never met. I would make it clear to her that you don't want to be just friends. Seems insulting, but it will make it clear where you stand and it is actually a compliment. It will save you lot's of time that you can spend with real friends. I suggest saying the old but hilarious: You know, if you want to be just friends, I suggest you draw a moustache underneath your nose, get a beer belly and yell and grunt at me in the pub. (Bring this as something lighthearted though). I do have female friends, ones that are preferably married.....
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Honestly, she's putting you firmly in the 'friend zone'. Someone here referred to it as the "unboyfriend" which is a pretty apt term for it. You get treated like a boyfriend in many ways (flirting, going out, etc) but are barred from an actual relationship. You would be shocked at how quickly her standards change when she meets up with a guy she really wants to go out with and date - the whole "waiting a long time" and "not ready for a relationship" thing will go right out the window if she's really into the guy. Don't be surprised if this happens. It happens more often than not. The long time "friend guy" who has been waiting in the wings is left confused about how someone who is "not ready for a relationship" ends up head over heels in a whirlwind romance with some other guy she barely knows. Certainly there is nothing wrong with hanging out with this girl. Just understand that the longer you hang out with her as the "friend guy", the firmer the relationship lockout will be. It makes sense when you think about it. If you can get what you want out of a guy without actually having to go through the hassle of dating him, why would you date him? All you have to do is flirt with him from time to time, and be receptive to his flirting and he'll stay right where you want him. As long as she covers her ass from time to time by giving you the "waiting to get to know you" and the "friends" lines she is all good to go. It sounds pretty awful, but there have been many an unhappy "unboyfriend" here on the LoveShack. Some of them actually manage to unlock themselves, move on and find a woman who will actually reciprocate. Perfect analysis Lucy, very thorough. Id like to add that she migh not be using you. She likes you but not so as a lover/boyfriend, so dont think of her as pure evil. Lots of girls do this....they try to play it safe not to hurt you and not to freak you out but its wasting your time and You should realize it. Make a move or Move on. To make a move = back off, call her less, see her less, care less (prepare yourself for ejection) and see if she miss you I would suggest to move on completely. All circumstances signify it would be very time demanding effort.
gfto Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 But more talking and emailing revealed that she's not ready for a relationship until she's known the person well for a long time. So, how long do you think she'd have to know Brad Pitt before being ready for a relationship with him? She isn't into you. Forget her and move on.
TheSwordfish Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 So, how long do you think she'd have to know Brad Pitt before being ready for a relationship with him? She isn't into you. Forget her and move on. Leave Brad Pitt out of this please. If Brad Pit was an idiot or wussy, he woulnd't stand a chance. Woman think a little differently, and it's even dependant on the moment. Some girls will jump into bed with me, at certain moments. While at other times girls are looking for a guy to have a serious relationship with. Ontpic: What have you decided?
gfto Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Leave Brad Pitt out of this please. If Brad Pit was an idiot or wussy, he woulnd't stand a chance. Woman think a little differently, and it's even dependant on the moment. Some girls will jump into bed with me, at certain moments. While at other times girls are looking for a guy to have a serious relationship with. My point was that "I'm not ready for a relationship" is female code for, "not if you were the last guy on Earth." If a woman is romantically interested in a guy, she'll date him, regardless of how long she has known him. I threw out Mr. Pitt as an example, because I've heard that there are women out there who find him quite desireable.
BlueEyedSarah Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Maybe. But she said, "Can't we be friends for now or would that be weird?" She said that relationships just freak her out unless she's known em a long time... I still gotta talk to her more about it. I get flustered though with her. Heh. I'll have to ask her if we'd consider it casual dating or just hanging out... That sound good? Hmm, now that you have said this it makes it seem more like she wants you as just a friend rather than anything more.
Hitman10000 Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Pretty much friends hell, if her personality is cool then be friends.
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