Babybird Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I'm not sure that after this initial NC period is over, you should give her more time. You have discussed your future and she should know what she wants by then...Hell she should've known from the start...In my opinion she has a wonderful guy right in front of her who loves her and wants to start a great life together, if she doesn't realize that she deserves no more time than what you've already agreed on. I just know for myself I would need "to see it through" and know I did everything I could. I kind of agree with that and I kind of don't. I think she should know what she wants but taking a little space between one long term R and another one isn't a bad idea. Making sure that you know who you are, you know what you want and you're ready to be in another R is extremely important. After all one of the things pointed out the most on this site is most A don't make it as R after the divorce. This could be a way to make it work. Starting in a fresh sort of way where everything isn't secret, exciting and as challenging and things can be done right(dates, dinner, etc.). Personally, I wouldn't wait longer than the 3 months but she is in therapy and may be working through more things than we know about. I'm too impatient...as I sit and wait over a year for my MM to leave. LOL
Meaplus3 Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I am a not a mean person but I know that some times people need to be smacked upside the head with the truth. I have been through more stuff in my 28 years than most 50 year olds have experienced so I know all about pain but I also know that wallowing in self pity and feeling sorry for myself would not have solved anything. He needs to stop basing his happiness on a woman that cheated on her husband with him and now tossed him aside like he is a toy. Life goes on and there are many great things he can experience without her so he needs to just forget about her. but I also know that wallowing in self pity and feeling sorry for myself would not have solved anything Woogle, While what you said here is the truth, it does not change that fact that it's much eaiser said than done. When you love someone you can't help but be consumed by thought's of them. RG, I feel for you. Hang in there. AP:)
Art_Critic Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 although it is difficult since I can't stop thinking about her. We're planning to speak again in early May... In my opinion I believe that the reason you are having trouble moving on is because you are holding onto this meeting in May... What the fu** for ? You need to be putting your happiness over this meeting and over her.. And for the record.. I believe the Woggle is pretty much correct on this one.. If you think that she is siting at home whining about you to her friends you are crazy.. She is moving on WITHOUT YOU.. she is also most likely dating and being with other guys.. You are dating. Well.. So is she.. I'm thinking that you need to get yourself in front of a therapist that is equip to handle these type of scenarios.. Good Luck RG.. I'm pulling for you.. but you need to start looking towards your future WITHOUT HER.. People that love each other don't just walk out and leave them. Peace
Art_Critic Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 but I also know that wallowing in self pity and feeling sorry for myself would not have solved anything Woogle, While what you said here is the truth, it does not change that fact that it's much eaiser said than done. When you love someone you can't help but be consumed by thought's of them. RG, I feel for you. Hang in there. AP:) I agree with you AP.. but I can say that as someone who has been thru the heart stomping heart break like RG is going thru that if people had been more direct with me instead of hugs and hope I would've moved on a whole lot faster.. Nothing like getting the cold hard slap of the truth of reality smacked across your face to wake you up..
johan Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 We're planning to speak again in early May... mainly to see where we stand. ...Now I am counting the weeks until May... Don't meet her in May. You know where you stand. However hard that is to face, I guarantee the meeting May is just going to keep you hoping until then. And seeing her will revive whatever feelings you've managed to put to rest by then. And the recovery process will just start over. If she decides (unlikely) that she wants to give things a shot with you, it won't happen on a schedule. And if it isn't happening now, then the best information you have indicates that it won't. May is irrelevant. The smart thing to do is to let go completely and put her in the archives. Open up a new file.
pricillia Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I just would like to say that it is nice to see some of the long time guys offering advice to RG... RG hang in there, I think that you will get over her, I am not sure that you should meet her in may, only you know how you will feel and what you should do, but just be prepared for all outcomes in this and continue to live your life for you and do not let it pass you by.
Guest Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Well, she said she would likely need a year to herself to sort out emotions, feelings and to experience putting herself first for a change (with the exception of her kids). I think her therapist suggested that to her, but she understands and agrees with the importance of that... as do I. Like I said, I plan to treat this as if the R is over for good and continue to go out and date... which is what she had wanted anyway, to be fair. So, like outofdarkness suggested, you never know... I could meet someone in the meantime. It's a possibility. Point being, I'm getting on with life in the event that she decides that she doesn't want me to be a part of her life once she's had the time to herself that she needs. I'm preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. i agree with whoever said this is an exit affair for her. cuz man... women who are truly and wholly in love, don't ask their loved one to go out and date - no matter how "fair" she wants to be, that sh*t just does not happen. i don't know one single women in love who would be ok with that no matter what the situation was. she is trying to tell you (without telling you) to move on. from where i sit, it sort of seems as though she is letting you down easy. or hoping you'll get the hint. clearly she has no backbone. for your sake i hope she magically grows one in may, and starts to be HONEST, so that you can *actually* move on (and i mean move on for real - because as much as you are saying you have moved on or are moving on, you're really not and yes i understand its easier said then done, but so far, it seems you haven't moved on much at all - hell you are counting how many days its been since you've seen her fer gods sake). i'm not at all trying to upset you or be harsh, but please open your eyes!!! you sound like a really great guy. i really hope you find a women who can make you happy, but you might miss the right girl, being so blinded by this one. and you're never really going to be open to meeting someone new while you're still so wrapped up in her drama. in any case... much luck to you.
outofdarkness Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 You're getting some great advice about how to handle your situation. I did want to add one thing. The main OW of my H's had to meet w/ him one final time for some closure. This seemed to help both of them to move on w/their lives...She is engaged and my H and I are still working on our M. I am not condoning A's..just that I think a final meeting might be helpful to some degree for the two parties to move on...
oyster Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Just live life as before you met her. I think if it is meant to be it will happen. Don't make irrationnal decision before agreed date. You will have done everything possible. If it does not work out, no regrets, no second guessing.
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