Nomad Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 If you're a guy going out to a bar or club, just looking to meet a girl (for anything from a one-night-stand to a serious relationship), how many girls in a night will you hit on? Unless you're an especially smooth or good-looking guy, it seems to be the case that you get rejected more often than not. If one girl rejects you, do you just move on to another one in the bar? If so, how long do you wait? How many girls do you hit on in a night, without looking desperate or pathetic?
someone2 Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 It differs of course, but the most important thing for me is that I learnt to NEVER go out with the intention of hitting on girls. Always always have some friends. Go out with them with the intention of having fun. If you meet tons of girls, fine. If you meet NONE, that's also fine. You are having a good time with your friends.
alphamale Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 How many girls do you hit on in a night, without looking desperate or pathetic? you keep on hittin on them until one takes the bait...
Guest Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 you keep on hittin on them until one takes the bait... How does one do that effectively when the first girl's visibly shot one down? Do you then sequentially go to the next woman who witnessed you being rejected, and then if necessary to another one who witnessed it, and so on? How would you fight the groupthink effect?
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 It differs of course, but the most important thing for me is that I learnt to NEVER go out with the intention of hitting on girls. Always always have some friends. Go out with them with the intention of having fun. If you meet tons of girls, fine. If you meet NONE, that's also fine. You are having a good time with your friends. I agree with this guy
alphamale Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 How does one do that effectively when the first girl's visibly shot one down? Do you then sequentially go to the next woman who witnessed you being rejected, and then if necessary to another one who witnessed it, and so on? are you in a room or pub that is 10 foot by 10 foot? your ego may want you to think everyone is watching your every action but in reality very few are.
Yamaha Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 If your going with the intention of meeting a girl then you keep asking until one of them says, yes. If you go out with friends and are just enjoying a fun night then you can ask if you see someone interesting or not. Women can tell what your up to so don't think they can't spot a horny guy looking for sex. Don't be afraid to be confident and let them know what you desire. They won't hold it against you even if they turn you down. Just don't be a pest and hang around after she rejected you.
Author Nomad Posted March 10, 2007 Author Posted March 10, 2007 As someone who's shy, I often have trouble mustering the courage to hit on one girl, let alone multiple girls. But I'm aware that hitting on girls can be a "numbers" game: you hit on 10, and hope 1 is receptive to your advances.
alphamale Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 But I'm aware that hitting on girls can be a "numbers" game: you hit on 10, and hope 1 is receptive to your advances. No....you hit on 10 and 1 will be receptive. Then as you gain confidence and get the "I don't give a damn" attitude then you'll hit on 10 and 3 will be receptive... Its the snowball effect.
Pyro Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 It differs of course, but the most important thing for me is that I learnt to NEVER go out with the intention of hitting on girls. Always always have some friends. Go out with them with the intention of having fun. If you meet tons of girls, fine. If you meet NONE, that's also fine. You are having a good time with your friends. Good advice. Thats how it had always seemed to work for me in the past.
Guest Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 No....you hit on 10 and 1 will be receptive. Then as you gain confidence and get the "I don't give a damn" attitude then you'll hit on 10 and 3 will be receptive... Its the snowball effect. One out of ten absolutely will be receptive? That's not the way I've always seen it. I've not always gotten that high a percentage of those who will actually speak at all, let alone be necessarily interested. If you have an attitude of not giving a damn, why would you give enough of a damn to actually spend your time and risk emotional resources trying to meet them?
Author Nomad Posted March 11, 2007 Author Posted March 11, 2007 One out of ten absolutely will be receptive? That's not the way I've always seen it. I've not always gotten that high a percentage of those who will actually speak at all, let alone be necessarily interested. If you have an attitude of not giving a damn, why would you give enough of a damn to actually spend your time and risk emotional resources trying to meet them? This person makes 2 good points. Regarding the second point, I agree it's definitely difficult to balance the "laid-back" attitude w/ a true desire to find love which will spur you on to try to meet someone. If you care TOO much you'll seem desperate and blow it. If you don't care at all, you won't be motivated to actually put yourself out there. Regarding the first point: is this a common experience for a lot of guys...hitting on a girl who won't even RESPOND when you try to talk to her??
wergo Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 No....you hit on 10 and 1 will be receptive. Then as you gain confidence and get the "I don't give a damn" attitude then you'll hit on 10 and 3 will be receptive... Its the snowball effect. It's, of course, the exact opposite effect when you spend your life asking out girls and NONE of them are receptive. (1 in 10??? with that kind of luck you should be buying lottery tickets) Then what confidence you might have had just gives way to reality. And reality is brutal. ONLY going out with your friends to have fun only works if you HAVE friends to go out with. And, if you do, what happens when all those friends get girls and you don't? No one wants a third or fifth wheel hanging around. Being single is the EASIEST way to lose all your friends - fast.
Author Nomad Posted March 11, 2007 Author Posted March 11, 2007 There is a problem for shy people like me (and presumably a few other guys posting on this thread): our best match would be a shy girl (since similar people are more likely to form relationships). BUT, if the girl and I are both shy, how are we ever to "find each other" and start a relationship?
amerikajin Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 you keep on hittin on them until one takes the bait... Bingo!!!!!
amerikajin Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 There is a problem for shy people like me (and presumably a few other guys posting on this thread): our best match would be a shy girl (since similar people are more likely to form relationships). BUT, if the girl and I are both shy, how are we ever to "find each other" and start a relationship? Not necessarily true. Sometimes your best match might be an aggressive girl who doesn't mind the challenge of trying to open up a shy guy. It's chemistry.
Pyro Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Bingo!!!!! But one must watch out and not hit on too many in one night at the same place because you will come across as being desperate.
alphamale Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Being single is the EASIEST way to lose all your friends - fast. So? Go and find new friends...
amerikajin Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 But one must watch out and not hit on too many in one night at the same place because you will come across as being desperate. The key is to be natural. Chat up one woman, get a number, leave, and chat up another if time permits. Personally, I've really lost faith in the bar scene and I don't go to a bar with the intention of picking up. But regardless of where you are, just be normal and chat up anyone who looks like they might be worth talking to.
alphamale Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Personally, I've really lost faith in the bar scene and I don't go to a bar with the intention of picking up. The bar scene is the worst place to meet chicks. Especially once you reach a certain age. The people who own bars and clubs want you to THINK they are great places to meet chicks so you'll go and pay their cover and buy their overpriced drinks. Its a business, that's all....and part of the American capitalistic culture. Then, at 1:30am, all these people hop in their cars with a 0.20 blood alcohol content and drive home.
Pyro Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 The key is to be natural. Chat up one woman, get a number, leave, and chat up another if time permits. Personally, I've really lost faith in the bar scene and I don't go to a bar with the intention of picking up. But regardless of where you are, just be normal and chat up anyone who looks like they might be worth talking to. Exactly! The key is to be natural and only pursue the ones that like you said seem like they are worth chatting up. Big difference then going up to every single woman in the bar in hopes of getting at least one out of the group to give you her number. That is being desperate. I agree that bars aren't the best place to meet someone in terms of possible LT, but there are the exceptions. My relationship is approaching the year and a half mark and we met at a local bar.
Guest Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 But one must watch out and not hit on too many in one night at the same place because you will come across as being desperate. How many is too many at the same place?
IWalkAlone Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 It differs of course, but the most important thing for me is that I learnt to NEVER go out with the intention of hitting on girls. Always always have some friends. Go out with them with the intention of having fun. If you meet tons of girls, fine. If you meet NONE, that's also fine. You are having a good time with your friends. That's a good way to go to a bar and have a good time with your friends, but if romance/sex is what is missing in your life, that's not going to help. If there's no one in your group of drinking buddies that is a suitable party, you still eed to appraoch women outside of your social group. In a bar, you can appaoch and introduce yourself to a group of women. Talk to and act a litttle flirty with all of them. If one of them is a little into you, see you flirt with her friend will make her more interested in you. When it's time to make a move, pick the one who seems most into you. If she turns you down, walk away and approach another group of women, unless one from the first group is obviosuly into you. How many to appoach in an evening? I don't think I even get to 10. If I have a bad night and have 4 or 5 rejections, I'm getting too pissed off to appraoch anyone without having the "angry man" vibe, which is a big turn-off. If I start to feel pissed off at women before I even talk to them, I just leave.
Pyro Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 How many is too many at the same place? Good question. Well its definitely more than one, but it's something that I never thought about. Maybe someone else has an idea.
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