IWalkAlone Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 For those who have trouble meeting potential relationship partners, there seems to be two conflicting schools of thought on what to do: 1) Dating is a numbers game. If you can get over your shyness, convice yourself that rejection is OK and ask out lots and lots of people, then some of them are going to say yes. 2) You're trying too hard. Love happens when you least expect it, so stop trying and focus on being the best person you can be. At some point, the right person will just appear in your life and you'll just know it. Has anyone tried both appaoches? Which works better?
oppath Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 There is a middle ground. I think you need to constantly put yourself (as a single person) in coed activities where you meet new people. The goal should be to meet new people and make new friends and yes, date a little, with the goal of a relationship removed. If you are having fun and enjoying yourself and continuously meeting new people you will date and eventually find someone for romance. You must be proactive in my opinion, but happy as a single person. If you are unhappy as a single person and focusing too much on dating it won't feel satisfying.
sunshinegirl Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I think I agree with Oppath - I think both are true. My significant relationships have started in the following ways: (1) good friend, slow evolution to dating; took years (2) blind date, set up by friend-of-friend; instant chemistry (3) lots of time in large group with mutual friends; obvious chemistry but took time to gel For 1 and 2, I wasn't especially out there looking for a relationship partner - indeed, it did sort of happen when I wasn't looking. For 3, I was doing a ton of internet dating - on the theory that it's a numbers game and I need to put myself out there...and I turned out to connect best with the guy I wasn't really thinking about all that much.
Author IWalkAlone Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 What are coed activities where you're likely to meet single women? The only place I can think of are bars. I'm not religious, so meeting people through church is out, and the activities I have tend to bring me into contact with men & couples only.
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I also agree with oppath. It's a combination of putting yourself out there as much as possible - both in situations where you can meet people, as well as actually going on dates - while not taking any given date or situation too seriously. It's just a bleepin' date, it's just a bleepin' mixer... if you assume it won't work out (not pessimistically, just realistically), you'll take the pressure off and won't be "trying too hard." But ya gotta put yourself out there in the first place.....
oppath Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Something like 50% of all relationships people meet through friends of friends, so if you want to put yourself out there and date, you need to make new friends. Coed sports like softball, dodgeball, and soccer are a place to start, as are art/photography classes, etc. A date might be asking someone from one of these classes/sports to go grab a beer afterwards. Really, it is an invitation for friendship first. I too struggle with finding dates SOMETIMES. I get jealous when I compare myself to others. I do so many things to meet new people without the pressure of dating and it is exhausting! Everyone questions "where can I meet someone?" You do have to wait for it to happen, as in you have to be patient and wait for the right person to enter your life. But if you are not open to having new people enter your life on a regular basis, you will close yourself off from that right person from intersecting you.
LoveLace Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I'm 30 and ready for babies for crying out loud! But I work in Dr's office (all chicks) and I'm in nursing school (definitely all chicks)...its way too late for me switch fields at this point...I have little room and time for meeting new guys...sucks! I live with a guy that I've known 10 yrs, but he wants anyone but me! (supposedly!) That also doesn't help... I swear I am a happy person though!!
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