newbieshere Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 hi all, it is not a big thing , but i really wonder if you guys can tell me , what do u guys usually think of your ex gfs? do you think of her as someone who is pattetic or someone that u regret to ever with ? i broke up with my ex bf last year, and i am ok with it . So as i knew i am over it - it is ok to be friends with him, so i emailed him, and he replied. He told me that it was great for him to hear me , and he told me he felt unhappy for certain things so i just replied to him casually and asked him why he was not happy. But thats it , he never replied again. I was wondering what was wrong with asking that. And i dont expect to be with him . I tried to email him again, for other matters, nothing to do with personal things- it was business related things , and he never replied it. Did he act like that because he thought i might still like him ? I just think that even though we are not together , but it doesnt mean i have to be his enemy. If he thought i still like him so he didnt want to reply, i think it would be too childish to think that way. Guys, tell me what do u think ? Do u always avoid contact with your ex? even for impersonal email ? DO you always suspect every thing from your ex is always a hidden meaning ?
a4a Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 well my H thinks one of his is pathetic for her constant attempts at contacting him. If they want to speak to you they will reply. Just because you were a gf doesn't mean they want you as a friend. The guy just might not like you that way (as a gf or a friend). Maybe he doesn't like you as a person....... who knows.... move on..... make new friends.
thatmatt Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I can't look at an email from my ex as just a catchup email, I can't help but see her as a manipulative, self-centered person, because that ended up being the case throughout most of the relationship, and now that i've seen it, I can't unsee it. I'm only 2 months out of the relationship, so who knows? I honestly really don't want anything to do with her ATM.
Guest Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 hi all, it is not a big thing , but i really wonder if you guys can tell me , what do u guys usually think of your ex gfs? do you think of her as someone who is pattetic or someone that u regret to ever with ? i broke up with my ex bf last year, and i am ok with it . So as i knew i am over it - it is ok to be friends with him, so i emailed him, and he replied. He told me that it was great for him to hear me , and he told me he felt unhappy for certain things so i just replied to him casually and asked him why he was not happy. But thats it , he never replied again. I was wondering what was wrong with asking that. And i dont expect to be with him . I tried to email him again, for other matters, nothing to do with personal things- it was business related things , and he never replied it. Did he act like that because he thought i might still like him ? I just think that even though we are not together , but it doesnt mean i have to be his enemy. If he thought i still like him so he didnt want to reply, i think it would be too childish to think that way. Guys, tell me what do u think ? Do u always avoid contact with your ex? even for impersonal email ? DO you always suspect every thing from your ex is always a hidden meaning ? Serious girlfriend 1 (1 and a half years): lost contact Serious girlfriend 2 (a year): lost contact Serious girlfriend 3 (8 years including 2 break ups): cheated on me, we broke up for the second time, kept occasional contact for around 10 years until about 3 years ago, she married the guy she cheated with and had a child, I was happy for her. Serious girlfriend 4 ( 2 years including 2 break ups): ran into the arms of a good friend of mine after break up 2, have kept up an email/occasional beer (usually with her boyfriend present). I think we both keep a little flame burning for each other, but it is a little one. Serious girlfriend 5 (8 years, one breakup to date): still awaiting breakup no 2!
stockmos Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 QUOTE=newbieshere;1114029]hi all, it is not a big thing , but i really wonder if you guys can tell me , what do u guys usually think of your ex gfs? do you think of her as someone who is pattetic or someone that u regret to ever with ? i broke up with my ex bf last year, and i am ok with it . So as i knew i am over it - it is ok to be friends with him, so i emailed him, and he replied. He told me that it was great for him to hear me , and he told me he felt unhappy for certain things so i just replied to him casually and asked him why he was not happy. But thats it , he never replied again. I was wondering what was wrong with asking that. And i dont expect to be with him . I tried to email him again, for other matters, nothing to do with personal things- it was business related things , and he never replied it. Did he act like that because he thought i might still like him ? I just think that even though we are not together , but it doesnt mean i have to be his enemy. If he thought i still like him so he didnt want to reply, i think it would be too childish to think that way. Guys, tell me what do u think ? Do u always avoid contact with your ex? even for impersonal email ? DO you always suspect every thing from your ex is always a hidden meaning ? Serious girlfriend 1 (1 and a half years): lost contact Serious girlfriend 2 (a year): lost contact Serious girlfriend 3 (8 years including 2 break ups): cheated on me, we broke up for the second time, kept occasional contact for around 10 years until about 3 years ago, she married the guy she cheated with and had a child, I was happy for her. Serious girlfriend 4 ( 2 years including 2 break ups): ran into the arms of a good friend of mine after break up 2, have kept up an email/occasional beer (usually with her boyfriend present). I think we both keep a little flame burning for each other, but it is a little one. Serious girlfriend 5 (8 years, one breakup to date): still awaiting breakup no 2!
spinback Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 When I think of my ex, my immediate thoughts run to how happy I was with her for the two years we were together. I think of the good times we had and feel sad that we aren't together any more, and don't even speak to each other. Then, I make myself remember why I broke up with her. She screwed me around in so many ways that I'm amazed it lasted as long as it did; I was just blind to it all because I loved her so much. I found this forum a few days after splitting up with her, and the advice I've received on here has helped me realise that she really wasn't worth getting quite that upset over. I do not regret my decision in the slightest, but do miss her still... even though I obviously wish I didn't. And ridiculously I think I still love her. Thats the stage I've reached after nearly 70 days of being single.
Zankon Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 there is no correct or general answer to what you asked. Guys are as different as fingerprints. Some are too casual some are too serious... some are 'whatever you know uh' some take pride like it's the last resource on earth. I had contact with some of my exs... those that I thought were pathetic, I didnt even bother replying to their email since I knew what's behind it. 2 of my exs were amazing girls... they were girlfriends, partners, lovers and best friends... they're still best friends and we talk almost everyday. 6 years ago, one left me for a 'richer' man (corvettes and the whole 9 yards), 4 months into her relationship with him, she needed a shoulder to cry on and it was me... i was ok with it because I trully loved her... then she literally came to my place knelt at my door step and begged me to take her back. As much as my heart ached for her pain and wanted her back so bad... i just closed the door and I cried in my bed all night. My pride wouldn't let me. Never talked to her since then. My point is, i m still the same person but I look at every ex in a different way depending on how the relationship was and how it ended. Right now i m going through a break up (which explains my presence here) and I can honestly say that this one is one of those if I see in town, I ll change side walks.
ratingsguy Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I think the general rule of thumb is that if you realize that your ex is a good person and it just didn't work out, there is definate potential for friendship. But I believe that you need to make sure that you no longer love this person before you can be friendly with them... and THAT is what takes work and lots of time if you are the dumpee.
amaysngrace Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I have never had reason to contact an ex. Never a legitimate one anyway. Maybe I could muster one up if I really wanted to make contact with them, kind of like you do, although I believe in leaving the past in the past. To sit and think about what my exes were thinking would be a waste of my energy to me. Who knows what they think and furthermore...who cares? They're my exes. I think you need to start worrying more about what's going on in your head than wasting your time thinking about what's going on in his. It kind of seems like you have your head up your ass, no offense. Maybe you have some feelings for this guy that you need to work through. Or maybe you have some kind of issue that makes you have this self-sabotaging pattern of thinking. In any case thinking about what HE'S thinking is damaging to yourself.
Double D Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I agree with Zankon, it depends on how the relationship ended with the ex. One ex I absoulte detest but it was an unhhappy relationship generally. My last ex - the reason why Im on LoveShack I see someone who is working this out in my own way and Im not angry or hate her for ending it because it was very good reasons why but like Spinback funny thing is I lover still and miss what we had but ultimately at the present time at least we were not going to work out. I hate it that we are not friends though. The fact that things are incredibly strained between us is sad but what can you do. Keep work through it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Here's another tough love observation. An ex is an ex for a reason. It doesn't mean that they're the world's most horrible person although some probably are, it just means that they were unsuitable for you. If you go by this premise, nostalgia doesn't make you want them back or want them back as much.
Auqakuh Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Well, maybe I'm strange but I'm in contact with all of my exes still, except the most recent. That's only four, mind. But those three are, barring two people, my closest friends by far. They understand me in a way that none of my friends could, there's something... extra that we know about each other. I can rely on them to be honest and truthful with their advice - and because I know they care and they know I care, we can still give something to each other's lives. I think that's the ideal, really. I wouldn't want to lose contact with anyone I fell in love with - even if they're not set to be my wife someday, they're clearly important in my life and shouldn't be out of it if it can be at all helped. Of course... this does occasionally cause problems with present girlfriends, as they come. Many people don't quite understand how you can be -just friends- with someone you've been with that way... and some more still don't understand that terms of endearment can hold over. But this is nothing that can't be resolved with calm talking. So long as you get the chance, heh. I will note that I was friends with all of them before we got together, though... to some extent or another. So while in the end, obviously, we were comfortable with losing each other (in whichever combination) as lovers - or as comfortable as that can ever be - it would've been too much to lose friends. Actually, thinking about my situation, this strikes me as odd... why would I chase one person soooo much when all the others have just comfortably slid into friendship, over time? Albeit with heartache, but not nearly as much. I most definitely loved them, too... and still sometimes miss one of them. But it's just not the same. The heart is a weird thing.
newbieshere Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I think the general rule of thumb is that if you realize that your ex is a good person and it just didn't work out, there is definate potential for friendship. But I believe that you need to make sure that you no longer love this person before you can be friendly with them... and THAT is what takes work and lots of time if you are the dumpee. what happened was we agreed to break up. We broke up in peaceful way. Believe it or not. Because when we broke up, it was not becasue of other woman or other man , but because of distance that we are going to have - He moves to other country which is damn far. And we discussed , both of us agreed to split up. It may sound weird for all of you, but i was not angry about this , because i told him that i couldnt go for LDR , and he couldnt either. We were talking each other and he moved to other country shortly after that. That is why when out of the blue he acted weird, i just wonder. no further expectataion or no hidden agenda.
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