Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 This is not true. When times get hard the wife tends to walk out of a man's life and takes him for everything he has. She will leave him claiming that she needs to find herself or that she loves him but is not in love with him or she will cheat on him and claim that she is a liberated feminist. Wives for the most part cannot be depended on to be there when the chips are down. If I put my wife above my friends who will be there for me if she turns on me. What a sad truly pessimistic view of marriage. You should have never gotten married if this is truly what you believe. I feel very sorry for you. You do not truly know that kind of love and trust. How sad.
Woggle Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 What a sad truly pessimistic view of marriage. You should have never gotten married if this is truly what you believe. I feel very sorry for you. You do not truly know that kind of love and trust. How sad. Look at the state of marriage today and tell me how a person can be optimistic about it. I won't put my wife on a pedestal forsaking all others only to have her turn on me and leave with nobody to turn to. I am not saying that my wife will do that but it is always in the back of my head that one day she might. Women are very unpredictable and can love you one day and want you out the next.
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Look at the state of marriage today and tell me how a person can be optimistic about it. I won't put my wife on a pedestal forsaking all others only to have her turn on me and leave with nobody to turn to. I am not saying that my wife will do that but it is always in the back of my head that one day she might. Women are very unpredictable and can love you one day and want you out the next. The same thing can be said for men as well. However, I would not have married my husband if it wasn't something I was absolutely committed to and believed in. Nor would I have married him if he had your views. It will only work if both people have the same view of what marriage is. Again, I feel very sorry for you that you hold back from trusting and believing in your spouse. I am thankful my husband and I do not share your perspective.
Woggle Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 The same thing can be said for men as well. However, I would not have married my husband if it wasn't something I was absolutely committed to and believed in. Nor would I have married him if he had your views. It will only work if both people have the same view of what marriage is. Again, I feel very sorry for you that you hold back from trusting and believing in your spouse. I am thankful my husband and I do not share your perspective. Women file 75% of divorces More and more women are cheating and not seeing anything wrong with it Many women despise their husbands badmouth them when they are not around Tell me again why I should trust a woman more than the friends who gace me a place to stay and fed me when I had no other place to go? I do trust my wife but it is just like a cat or a dog. You would like to think that your pet is loyal but many times they turn on you out of the blue for no reason. That is how I think of women. We have a great marriage but women change and who is to say she won't. I complete faith in friends though and I know they will never turn on me.
boshemia Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 At the risk of ruffling feathers... I do know what you mean and I am a wife : ) I've been learning a lot in counseling, and one of those things is the priorities in your life. It is very hard when you have young kids, mine are all old enough now that it's not as big of a concern as it was when I had a preschooler, toddler, and infant to care for. Having relationships outside of the marriage is important, especially the hanging out stuff. Not just for the guys, but the women need it as well. If they are stay at home Moms then they need it even more than you know. After awhile you find yourself pouring people half glasses of milk, trying to cut their meat, and asking if they have a boo boo. I didn't realize how important it was for both of us to get out and socialize with others until it was too late. The only thing that needs to be watched carefully is what kid of friends both partners choose to spend that time with. If it is someone in a bad marriage who complains about their spouse I've learned to keep it to a minimum. They tend to have a negative effect on your attitude towards your marraige. Also It is very hard to hang out with people in different life phases than you. As a parent, you tend to focus conversations on kids. If your friend is a swinging single who always wants to talk about their latest love affair... bad news. Eventually you find you either have to get on the same wagon or have nothing to talk about. There is something to be said for time apart for every couple... HEALTHY time apart. How can someone ever find out the miss you if you are never gone? There is also something to be said for spending time together AS A COUPLE, and doing things with other couples. We used to have game nights when we were first married, and we all enjoyed it. Everyone got to know each other, and it was fun. I've seen controlling wives, and it's not pretty. I've seen couples that truly just wanted to spend their time with each other, and I've seen the in between. Any healthy relationship needs balance I suppose... As for advice? Love your wife, and never ever put anyone equal to or above her. She needs that security. And sit down and talk to your friends, say hey man I really miss hanging out. Do you think we can work something out where we can hang out every other weekend or whatever? Maybe all of you can trade kid sitting for each other and try to make sure everyone gets a turn at a night out as guy, gals, and couples... It never hurts to talk, if nothing else maybe they can help you understand why they choose to stay home... talk dude!
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Women file 75% of divorces Yes more women are filing. No longer do we have to put up with being abused, cheated on, or stuck with a non-working user. We now have a choice. More and more women are cheating and not seeing anything wrong with it Many women despise their husbands badmouth them when they are not around You must be around some really happy couples. Where do you hear the wives bad mouth their husbands? Where is the evidence that this occurs? Because I AM a woman - alone with wives A LOT and this isn't the case. If troubles are discussed there is a very frank discussion about what has happened and responsibility/accountability lies on both sides. With the women I know - and am close to - we often point out how the wife could've said something in a better way or done something differently. The man doesn't get the blame because he is a man. I do trust my wife but it is just like a cat or a dog. You would like to think that your pet is loyal but many times they turn on you out of the blue for no reason. That is how I think of women. Ridiculous analogy. Now I know for a fact that you not only do not know women or real relationships but that you do not know anything about animals as well. Funny how your posts here seem to conflict somewhat with your posts on other threads. Again - I am so sorry for your wife. It must be terrible to be in a relationship where your husband is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Unless she has no idea that you truly feel this way. Which, in that case, you should have disclosed this to her before you got married. It's sad but unless both people are 100% committed the marriage is not going to work out. Your posts here are very, very, tragic. What your world must look like!
a4a Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Maybe just maybe some of the guys consider their wife their best friend. If given a choice I would choose to hang out with my H over my friends.... and he chooses me over his friends as well...... oh shoot..... that means we are probably best friends...... Woggle maybe you should have married a friend instead of a stranger you cannot trust?
Woggle Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Maybe just maybe some of the guys consider their wife their best friend. If given a choice I would choose to hang out with my H over my friends.... and he chooses me over his friends as well...... oh shoot..... that means we are probably best friends...... Woggle maybe you should have married a friend instead of a stranger you cannot trust? I do consider her a friend but I know how women can be so if she does turn on me it won't be a shock. Nothing women do shocks me anymore. As far as my friends go e have a bond that goes deeper than many other friendships and my wife respects that.
a4a Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I do consider her a friend but I know how women can be so if she does turn on me it won't be a shock. Nothing women do shocks me anymore. As far as my friends go e have a bond that goes deeper than many other friendships and my wife respects that. Well if you chose carefully you should not have to worry about her being like all the rest...... and hell you keep spouting off about how she is so different, so is she or not? sorry to jack the thread OP...... Face it some guys like a women to run their life... some want a partnership...... some need to be the leader..... Different strokes for different folks. And your buddies marriages are really none of your business.
Woggle Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Well if you chose carefully you should not have to worry about her being like all the rest...... and hell you keep spouting off about how she is so different, so is she or not? sorry to jack the thread OP...... Face it some guys like a women to run their life... some want a partnership...... some need to be the leader..... Different strokes for different folks. And your buddies marriages are really none of your business. Yes she is different from all the rest or else I would not have married her but I still got the prenup in case I need an easy out. I love her but I am no fool. When my buddy cries to me about what is happening to his marriage it is my business. My friends and I are like The Three Muskateers which means it is all for one and one for all.
serial muse Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 I would never have married her if I didn't think she was worth an equal place with my friends. To me they are both equal but if she ever makes me choose I will choose my friends in a heartbeat. This is fair enough, providing it's okay with you if she has the same feeling about her friends. If she picked her friends over you, would you see that as fair and reasonable, or would it just confirm your low opinion of women in general: that they'd turn on their man given half a chance, have no loyalty, etc. etc.? I'd like to believe you're as fair-minded as you say on the matter, but somehow, I suspect that this is just another excuse to put your wife firmly in her place, rather than offering her equality. I think that if your wife said to you exactly what you've said to us - that she'd choose her friends over you, if you insisted that she choose - you'd see her as just a typical untrustworthy woman, rather than recognizing the inherent parity there. Oh well.
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 When my buddy cries to me about what is happening to his marriage it is my business No, it is your business to listen to him, help HIM, not interfer or be active in their marriage. Your HIS friend, not their marriages friend. Big difference.
Ripples Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 Boshemia, great post and great ideas about the babysitting. Going on from that George, you could offer to pick up some of the babysitting with your wife, as well. It'll not only create a healthy atmosphere, it'll reap dividends both now and when you start your own family. It makes for a far happier life to be thinking of how to solve problems than what's causing the problems in situations like this.
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