Guest Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 We've been together for well over a year. Everything was wonderful between us. We were both deeply in love (or at least I was, who knows about him. Liar that he is!) Tells me he's a widower. Imagine my shock when he finally admits to me that he's married (wife does not live in this country). His children (whom he claimed were going to school abroad) actually live with mom.... He told me that he doesn't want to divorce and loves us both. I feel so heartbroken and sick. He actually put his wife up to contacting me (when I started to avoid him and keep rushing him off the phone) to tell me she doesn't care if he sees me... Was that supposed to make me feel better? I wanted to die once I realized who I was talking to. I feel so horrible about all of this. I hate him for doing this to me and I hate myself even more for not having the strength to just tell him to take a hike and never call me again. I always almost do it but stop at the last moment. When did I become such a wuss and coward? I hate who I've become!
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Don't settle to be his OW, you deserve more than that! Even if his wife is OK with it! But to be honest, you don't know if that was really his wife on the phone! That could have been a female friend or something. Either way the man has lied to you, instead of being upfront at the beginning. You can end it, be strong! And, even if you continued to see him, could you ever fully trust him?????
torranceshipman Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 The man sounds sick, to be honest...imagine how cruel a person has to be to not only lie to you for a whole year, but to then make his W call you and say she's fine with him being with you, when I bet that really hurt her. The whole thing is just nasty... He clearly has no conscience, and you are way better than him - WAY better - walk away now, this is the biggest red flag ever!!! - I know it's easy for me to say, but as someone wisely said on this forum, it takes the heart/emotions longer to catch up with what the head already knows...but it will get there, and then you'll be able to acknowledge what an excellent thing you did by getting rid of him. Or maybe think of it this way, if you had a daughter and found out a man had just done this to her, what exactly would you tell her to do?? Well...take that good advice and use it on yourself! Good luck x
markfromark Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Ever since the scott peterson story I get a really bad feeling when I hear about a married man claiming that he is a widower. I think those men are the creepiest ones.
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 That's the thing, why would he lie about his wife being dead? Seeing as they talked on the phone and she more or less gave her blessing to her husband having a relationship with someone else, that's a red flag! Mark you are so right and now you've creeped me out. Guest, end it with him. He's not playing with a full deck of cards. Talk to your friends and family about this too.
Guest Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Guest, end it with him. We aren't really together anymore. I've stopped seeing him. Seeing him being the key word... I still hear from him and for some reason I always end up answering the phone. I always feel like I want to answer it so I can tell him it's over for good then end up hearing him begging me for a second chance and I suddenly can't find the words. I've never felt this betrayed in my life and I can't talk to anyone I know about it. I am so very ashamed because I haven't officially told him to get lost. I haven't let him go completely. I know I am weak and pathetic for it. I just really miss him and I miss US. Before this came to light, I would have called our relationship perfect. I loved him with the whole of my heart and this has destroyed me in so many ways. I can't get over how he could do something this horrible to me and turn around and claim to love me. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a man again. If there were any justice in the world, he would have to pay my therepy bills. God knows I need it now thanks to him.
puddleofmud Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Ever since the scott peterson story I get a really bad feeling when I hear about a married man claiming that he is a widower. I think those men are the creepiest ones. OH! This, indeed, is a scary thought...with that said I feel that all manipulators are "creepy" and this is a very good term for it! How would one know the exact depths of "creepy"? As in how does one know just how far "creepy" will go...? What is the difference and being manipulated "just a little" and being manipulated to the point of perhaps being in actual DANGER? Certainly something we ALL should consider.
Trialbyfire Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 This situation is very creepy. Move if possible. The guy is a freakshow.
kymberann Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 This is creepy! Don't beat yourself up, he trapped you under false pretenses! What was going on that lead you to believe that he was married? How did it all come out in the open? You'll get angry, right now your pride is hurt. Just don't let him continue to trap you! Best!
outofdarkness Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 We've been together for well over a year. Everything was wonderful between us. We were both deeply in love (or at least I was, who knows about him. Liar that he is!) Tells me he's a widower. Imagine my shock when he finally admits to me that he's married (wife does not live in this country). His children (whom he claimed were going to school abroad) actually live with mom.... He told me that he doesn't want to divorce and loves us both. I feel so heartbroken and sick. He actually put his wife up to contacting me (when I started to avoid him and keep rushing him off the phone) to tell me she doesn't care if he sees me... Was that supposed to make me feel better? I wanted to die once I realized who I was talking to. I feel so horrible about all of this. I hate him for doing this to me and I hate myself even more for not having the strength to just tell him to take a hike and never call me again. I always almost do it but stop at the last moment. When did I become such a wuss and coward? I hate who I've become! whoa..who knows how many other women this guy is telling these things too. Sounds like he may be abusive towards his W, or at the very least very controlling. Do YOU want to be next???
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