onlyone25 Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Hi, I've just been thinking about you!!! Wondering how things are going. Did your H make a decision? How are YOU?? {{{hugs}}} onlyone
cl2d Posted March 12, 2007 Posted March 12, 2007 H told me last Sat. that he was going to think about our situation and give me an answer weather or not we can continue our marriage. He was going away for Sat. night and Sunday to do some thinking. At that point I didn't really feel like I want to even try to save it. So I told him that I would save him some time and trouble, and that I don't have the desire to try anymore. He packed and was ready to leave, but stayed to "talk" me into giving him a night and day to do some thinking, as he's been very busy at work and didn't have any free time. After 4 hours, I gave in and let him have 1 more night and day to think. To make a long story short, he came home on Sunday, telling me that he wants to save our marriage, and is willing to go see MC again and will give me passwords to all of his devices. So, I guess we'll give it try. I just don't know where to go from here, frankly I'm scared. Should I ask him when he's going to stop talking to the OW and return the cell phone she'd sent him. What about his email at work, should I ask him to change that too, since she emails him constantly. Again, thank you for thinking of me!
Author onlyone25 Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 I know that "scared" feeling also!! If he's willing to go to MC that's a good first step. The most important part of counseling is finding the right counselor. DON"T settle if either of you don't feel comfortable with the counselor... find a new counselor!! My H and I went through 3 different ones until we finally found the one we are with now. Some of the things I asked of my H... Each time he told her there would be no more contact, that we were going to work on our marriage, he always had to meet her in person to do it. He used the excuse that he couldn't just tell her that over the phone. Well the last time I told him it was going to be my way... he could either e-mail or call her but in no uncertain terms was he to meet her in person! He choose to call her. He was to call me every day before he left work, using the work phone, to let me know he was on his way home. His cell phones, one work one personal, were not to be hidden and I could look at them anytime I felt the need to. He was to reassure me every few days by telling me there had not been any contact and if there was he had to be honest about it and tell me. There were actually 3 contacts, one by him two by her, since final D-day, June 26, 2006. He told me about each of them the day they happened. I asked that he bring home from work anything he might have there from her. I knew he had a Yogi Bear on his desk from her...long story. He also had CD's and pictures. This was the one contact that he contacted her; he thought we were going to mail the pictures back to her (she had made a comment when she gave them to him she wanted them back at some point) and he wanted to tell her to expect them so they didn't just show up out of the blue. She told him she didn't want anything back. He brought the things home and I threw them away!! That was a great day! I ripped Yogi's head right off before dumping him in the trash! In regards to e-mail accounts; he's not on the computer at home but once in a great while and I've always had that password. He couldn't change his e-mail at work but I did ask him to look into blocking her from sending him any e-mails. I don't know if he did but I thought I have to start trying to trust him so I didn't hound him about it. This one was a pretty big one... He had to realize that things were not going to change over night. This is where our counselor has really been a big help. She tells him almost every other week that the healing, rebuilding trust, and the need for reassurance is going to take a long time, but it will happen as long as we both stay committed! He has done some other small things along the way too that have really helped. My suggestion for the cell phone...trash it, don't bother sending it back!! She gave it him and the way I see it, it is now his to do with what he wants. I hope this will help you some. Really the best thing I can tell you is YOU have to figure out YOUR needs and then communicate them to your H and if he is truly committed he do everything he can to meet you needs. But remember... it's a two way street, you have to do your best at meeting his needs also. I know, at this point that is very difficult because your thinking to yourself, bullcrap this is all on him, he created this nightmare he has to fix it. It will take the TWO of you to fix things; his part is just going to be the tougher part to fix. I hope that makes sense! Keep in touch, stay strong, you can do this!!! p.s. Can I ask, are you on any meds, antidepressants or anxiety? If not you may want to check into it. I don't know about you but I was a complete wreck; could barely function a lot of days!!!
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