Raquelita Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Hi there! Lets start at the begining...I am 7 years older than my boyfriend..we started out fine, last september. Than in the end of October I found out I am pregnant. I concieved roughly around the 10th and my due date is in July. Anyway, he decided he wanted to do the right thing and we got an apartment together. Of course his cousin came to live with us. What you must first understand is that we come from a strong hispanic background, that means when a couple lives together we are NOT Boyfriend/Girlfriend. We are husband and wife. To a hispanic b/f and g/f mean from the waist up. And we established I am pregnant so you can put 2and 2 togther. Here it goes! For the last several months he has told his famly that he is taking me with him to Mexico, and talks about our baby, which is a girl by the way. And seemed to be going fine. All of a sudden since this February 2007, he has changed his mind. Now he says he wants me, but don't love me. and that when he goes to Mexico he is not taking me with him. His reasoning behind it all, is that "What if...he finds someone his age out there, that he likes more and wants to be with her, what will he do with me being so far away from the united states?" But I didn't think that me being pregnant in all would prompt him to want to look for another woman. But who knows. Now that his friends have come around, they are telling him that they are leaving back to Mexico in the next couple of months and now all of a sudden he wants to go too. Telling me that we should break up now and go our seperate ways. But understand I love him, even if he doesnt love me. That brings me to another part of this. He says he doesnt love me, yet he pays for everything, rent, bills, clothing, food, gas, my schooling, everything. And he cant stand to eat alone if I dont eat he wont either, I mean little things like that, that would make you wonder, isn't that out of love? So back to the story...we just talked about this Wednesday, he says he doesnt want to take me to my moms house that is about 6 hours from here, because he wants me here. Yet, he continually talks about him leaving me and the baby behind! And that hurts also. What am I supposed to do? Do I leave to my moms house anyway? And if he does love me he will try and get me back? Or do I stay and see if he does love me enough that he will take me in the baby with him? Or is he just using me for a party favor until the day comes that he leaves me? i really need a lot of advice please help!!! I am going crazy!!!!
waitingforlove Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Raquelita, My sympathy to you. I don't think this guy is worth your effort and your love. Sorry to be blunt, but he doesn't sound mature AT ALL! He's so selfish to think, "what if I meet someone else I like better?" And things like that ... Well, he shouldn't have got you pregnant then! He is so irresponsible. I think that even if he doesn't leave you right now, he won't be a good long-term relationship material anyway. He needs to grow up. I know it's hard. But please realize your own value and refuse to let him and his selfish desires control your life. If you start standing up for yourself and moving out, see what he'll do! He probably will be so shocked that he would try to get you back, or he might be too shocked to do anything for a while, and then a few months later come begging at your door again. Man, being a woman is so hard these days! I understand your pain. I'm not in that much better a situation than you myself, but we all need to realize that we can't let men dominate our lives! Take care and hang in there, stand up for yourself!!
taylor Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Hi Raquelita, I'm glad you posted here on LS. There are a lot of warm and caring people on this forum who can and will help you and support you during this difficult time. You have some decisions to make that won't be easy. I know right now everything must seem overwhelming, confusing and a little scary. But it is time to clear your head and start thinking about what is in your best interest and what is in the best interest of your child. Focus all of your attention on you and the baby. Your health and the health and well-being of your unborn child need to be your first priority right now. You need to take care of yourself. Please do not count on your boyfriend to take care of you. He does not love you enough and he is not committed enough to you and the baby. Please do not count on him to be there for you. You cannot depend on him. If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do: I would NOT return to Mexico with him. I would let him go to Mexico with his friends. If he wants to find another girlfriend closer to his age, let him. LET HIM GO. If you go to Mexico, you take a huge risk that he will leave you high and dry. This is not a time for you to be alone. THis is a time for you to surround yourself with people who love you and who you can count on to be there for you. I would contact my mother and make arrangements to live with her at least until the baby is born. Does your mother know you are pregnant? By staying with your mother and surrounding yourself with other family members, you will have the love, support, and care you need to get you through this pregnancy. They WILL be there for you. I am not Hispanic, but I have great respect for your culture. I am not aware of the medical care that would be available to you in Mexico if you decided to return there, but I do know there is wonderful prenatal care available to women here in the United States. I am not sure of your financial status, but if you need financial assistance in order to gain access to medical care, it is available here. Take advantage of the prenatal care available to you as soon as you can. You will be doing your baby a huge favor. Your boyfriend sounds young, immature, selfish and irresponsible. Regardless of whether he "wants" you or the baby, he has a financial obligation to support your child. DO NOT LET HIM SHIRK THIS RESPONSIBILITY. I do not know the legal avenues you need to take to make sure your boyfriend takes financial responsibility for his child. I'm sure others on this forum have the legal expertise to at least point you in the right direction. But I do know the court system here in the United States can assist you so that you do not have to bear full financial responsibility for your baby. AND YOU SHOULDN'T. You said your boyfriend has been financially responsible for living expenses up to this point. That is good. But you need to make sure he will be legally and financially responsible for the baby after she is born. Get legal advice before he leaves the country! I don't know what to tell you about the relationship between you and your boyfriend. It doesn't sound like there is much of a relationship. He is not loving, caring and devoted to you. He is not committed to you or his own child. He doesn't appreciate the love you have for him. This man is not worth it!!! You deserve so much more than he is willing to offer you. If you stay with him he will make the next few months a living hell for you. He will turn you into an emotional wreck. You don't need that stress and turmoil right now. It is harmful to you and your baby. Don't wait for him to change. Don't count on him to have a "change of heart" once the baby is born. He won't. This man has a lot of growing up to do and that won't happen over night. Don't beg him to stay. That will only push him farther away. He already has one foot out the door. I would tell him to keep on walking...all the way to Mexico. You need to find the inner strength to push this toxic man out of your life right now. Don't let him control your life. He won't take good care of it. You need to take charge of your own life! Pack your bags and leave. Find your own way to your mom's house. Go there and plan on staying there until the baby is born. Take time for yourself. Take time to clear your head. Pamper yourself over the next few months. You are worth it and you deserve it. Once you push him out of your life, you can start to think more clearly about the kind of future you want for you and your baby. Only time will tell if this man is willing to be a committed and devoted partner to you and father to his baby. I wouldn't hold my breath that that will ever happen. He will have to prove to you that he wants to be committed to you and the baby by what he does - not by what he says. Don't be fooled by his sweet talking. It means nothing. Pay close attention to what he does. Good luck to you. Post often. We are here for you....Taylor
thecount Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 I had a friend that went throught the samething. If a guy says he doesn't love you anymore it's one of the 2 things. Either he has someone else, or he just doesn't love you anymore. It's that simple, that black and white. No hidden meaning. The fact that he still eats with you, buys you things, pays the bills is because he feels bad. He's doing it out of pity. and you're probably giving him sex (which i hope not) that would have a lot to do with it also. Don't let him use you as play thing. Leave, if you have a place to go, I'll do it Now if I were you. Don't let him treat you like crap. I understand that hispanic women are proud. Show him, Leave his a$$ behind. Let him go to mexico, chances are he's coming back, and hopefully by that time. You will be with a real man.
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