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Posted

My ex boy friend was my first boy friend. We were together for three years and were even due to get married. From the first day we had met there was some kind of 'instant connection' and i knew we were meant to be together. We were both each others first sexual partners, so in actual fact, shared alot of 'first' experiences together.

 

He owns his own business, and the pressure of it had been getting him down. He is a very ambitious person, and wants to be very successful in life. Ive always tried to be supportive of that, but for the past year he had changed, put the business first and i felt as though i was compteting for his attention.

 

We didnt live together, in actual fact, lived 3 hours apart, but some how, managed to make it work by seeing each other every other week and speaking on the phone. He stopped calling me for days on end, and said that he was just really busy and always tiered. I was getting more and more annoyed as he wouldnt call or text for upto 5 days...i ended it with him (november 2006), he begged for me to come back and i did. I initially ended it as i wanted him to realise that he cant treat me like that. A month later (in december 2006) he did the same thing. No phone call for 6 days. I sent quite an abusive msg and i said whats they point if you dont make the effort-he too agreed and said we 'argued' too much, he can never make me happy and he thought it was best if we ended it. I was devastated, and begged him back but he said there was no way...he wanted to be friends and that was it. I said i didnt want to be friends as that wasnt what we were before, we were suppose to get married, so how can we JUST be mates?

 

I found out i was pregnant in January, and he did try to support me, but i didnt let him. I aborted it. Didnt want to but felt i had no choice.

 

Recently, i went to a clair voienet. She told me that he regrets what he did, but he will never call me as he is a very 'proud' person and will stick to his guns, therefore if i want him back then i need to phone him.

 

I feel lost without him, and i really want him back. Just dont know how to do it. He told me when he broke up with me that he would never get back together with me and he would never marry me. However, do you think this was out of anger? telling me to move on?

 

I know, in my heart of hearts that he loves me and i also know that i really can not see myself with anyone else. Ive tried, but i cant. I have not spoken to him for 6 weeks, i text him about 2 weeks ago, and asked him how he was (after seeing the clair voient) and he replied back 3 DAYS later saying he was fine and how was i? i didnt text him back. i just dont want to be taken advantage of as i feel as though ive been through alot over the past three months.

 

How do i win him back with some dignity?

 

Please help

Posted

I want to say, don't let him treat you that way. Making you chase him. What my friends have been telling me since my break up is that "YOU are the prize." Any guy that you want to be with, needs to be a guy that wants to be with you. They should feel lucky to be with YOU and do everything to win YOU back.

 

It seems right now, by what you've said, that he does want to be with you, but is not willing to make any effort towards doing that. I think to be fair to yourself you should try to move on. Maybe go NC for a while and see if he notices and tries to contact you.

 

If he shows that he wants you more than anything, go for it. But if he's putting it all in your court and making you do all the effort, then I say leave it at that. Make him want you, and if he doesn't come to you...realizing your amazing, then he doesn't deserve you anyway.

Posted

I am sorry for what you are going through. It's hard enough to deal with a breakup, let alone an unexpected pregnancy.

 

I may be going out on a limb here, but I am wondering if your boyfriend may have found someone new. Has that ever crossed your mind?

 

The reason I ask is because his behavior seems to have suddenly changed - more distant, more distracted, less time to devote to you.

 

Six days is a long time to go without contacting someone you love and plan on marrying.

 

Surely he is not that busy with his job that he can't pick up the phone and call you to see how you are or to tell you he loves and misses you.

 

If a man wants to spend time with you, no job will keep him from doing that.

 

When my ex and I broke up, that was the first "excuse" he used for distancing himself from me - he was too busy with his job. Yes, he too, is very ambitious with some very lofty goals. A workaholic, if you will. I admired him for his ambition and his work ethic and I supported him 100 percent.

 

But the job was just an excuse. In the end I found out he wasn't busy working, he was busy trying to rekindle his romance with his ex-girlfriend. He strung me along for 5 weeks before he decided to break up with me. I didn't know the truth until several months after the breakup.

 

I am not saying this is what is happening in your case. I am only saying it is a possibility.

 

I would give him time and space and let him contact you if he wants to get back together. Doing nothing right now is the most dignified thing you can do. I know, not what you want to hear. But if you push and pressure him, you will push him farther away and your chance of winning him back in a dignified manner will be lost forever.

Posted
I found out i was pregnant in January, and he did try to support me, but i didnt let him. I aborted it. Didnt want to but felt i had no choice.

I'm not going to comment about your choice because I'm pro-abortion. My only comment would be to look at this and ask yourself where he was the day of your appointment and the days following. Sometimes we want to believe it's pride that holds them back instead of accepting that they have moved on.

 

Time for you to move on.

Posted

It's a BIG possibility he has someone else. His sudden lack of interest is a major sign.

 

As for your dignity - well. Maybe try a letter explaining your feelings, but also state what your needs are (to be respected and not taken for granted). Leave it up to him to contact you if he wants to. But be ready for rejection because he may not contact you. Isn't it better to have tried than always wonder?

Posted

karan, I am sorry for all the heartache you're going through:( .

The above posters are right-on, and taylor especially said everything perfectly that I was thinking when I read your post. I just want to add that I hope you are taking care of yourself (as in being kind to yourself) and talking to people who you feel close to, who love you, and aren't judgemental.

 

Going through an abortion is tough enough... I've been there. And this sounds as if it might be your first brush with heartache, however it ends up. Keep posting as much as you need to, there's a lot of support here on LS.

 

An afterthought... might be a good time for you to see a therapist to help you sort through all this stuff, whether he returns or not. Hang in there, sweetie.

Posted

Excellent point, TrialByFire.

 

How sad and utterly unforgivable if he chose to not be with her during and following the abortion.

 

I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him ever again if that were the case.

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