letter-to-elise Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 A couple of weeks ago I met a guy in a bar. I was instantly attracted to him and somehow we ended up sleeping together. It wasn't a great experience and actually I did not want to see him again, but he asked for my phone number and I could not bring myself to say no. A couple of days later he called me and invited me on a date. The date was great! He had everything planned out and we had great fun. I slept at his place, but we did not sleep together. Later he asked me on another date and another one and both were awesome. We get along incredibly well, understand each other and laugh very much. I am still very attracted to him and our kisses are great. I did not sleep with him on any of those dates, although I slept at his place. Now, yesterday we went on our fourth date and once again we had great fun. He came with me to my place and this time we did have sex. And once again, it was no success. He is not abusive, but he does have a very firm grip and he acts rather selfish in bed. I ended up more sore than content. However, afterwards it was really great. I love sleeping next to him and he is very gentle when we are not actually having sex, although he does have a domineering streak - but in and of itself that does not bother me. Now... What do I do? Should I confront him and tell him that I like him but that the sex has to change? Or should I just let him go as he is very unlikely to change his behaviour at this age (32 and he has had several girlfriends before me)? Or is there a better way to help push things in the right direction?
laRubiaBonita Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Now... What do I do? Should I confront him and tell him that I like him but that the sex has to change? Or should I just let him go as he is very unlikely to change his behaviour at this age (32 and he has had several girlfriends before me)? Or is there a better way to help push things in the right direction? next time, tie his hands and tell him you will show him what you like.
stace79 Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Isn't that the way to solve ALL your problems with a man? next time, tie his hands and tell him you will show him what you like.
Star Gazer Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I've faced your problem before, and had no idea how to fix it. When I did try to show him/tell him what I liked, he was got very upset. He thought that what he did naturally should be enough to satisfy me. It was kinda this whole "my way or the highway" thing in bed. Kinda sucked.
Author letter-to-elise Posted March 8, 2007 Author Posted March 8, 2007 It's just so sad. I finally find someone I like and then I am confronted with this problem. Would be nice if I could simply tie him up, but I doubt he will let me Do you think that a man at the age of 32 could change? Well, he'll have to if he wants to be with me - it's my way or the highway
laRubiaBonita Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Do you think that a man at the age of 32 could change? Well, he'll have to if he wants to be with me - it's my way or the highway you have only had sex twice, which is, in my opinion, warm up sex (unless it is really really bad) why are you being so negative?
Star Gazer Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Do you think that a man at the age of 32 could change? Yes, if he wants to. If he's not selfish. Thing is, he might actually think he's rockin' your world if you're leading him to believe it in bed... We're all guilty of faking it every now and again, right? Are you guilty too??
Author letter-to-elise Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 I guess there might be some faking involved, Stargazer... It's actually very hard not to fake, but I guess I'll have to try not to if I want to achieve anything with this guy. And he might be too thick-headed to understand a simple lack of positive response so I'll have to turn the negative response up a notch. And maybe you are right la rubia bonita, maybe I am seeing things too negatively too soon. Your post actually made me feel hopeful - with a little bit of work, we have the chance of making it work
Island Girl Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 And he might be too thick-headed to understand a simple lack of positive response so I'll have to turn the negative response up a notch. OK -- so don't fake it and use the word "ouch" loudly when necessary. Also don't let him actually 'get it' until he is on the right track. So if foreplay is too rough he needs to keep attempting until he gets it right - then proceed to the next step. I think a 32 year old can be rehabilitated from years of being a terrible lover. It's like anything. Consistency with discipline and reward for good behavior. You can make a one liner joke about it too - he'll certainly get the implication - something along the lines of "who have you been sleeping with that gave you the impression 'x' was a good move!" with a little chuckle like it isn't his fault he was given wrong information - or say, "I'm sorry you have dated so many liars." And when he asks why you say that, you tell him they must not have respected him enough to be honest with him and give him the assistance so many other men get in that department. - Then maybe he'll get the feeling that a lot of guys have this problem. Do these things sound b*tchy? Because I'm kind of a b*tch and they may be really b*tchy things to say. I have no gauge...sorry. Good luck.
Krytellan Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Do you think that a man at the age of 32 could change? Well, he'll have to if he wants to be with me - it's my way or the highway Anyone can change atany time if they want to. He could change, but if he doesn't want to he's not worth it. However, I do concur with others that you can't really hold it against him until you've told him that you don't like it his way. We, as men, have this perception of what we have learned to be good sex as far as women are concerned. And we tend to think we are doing great unless told otherwise. Give him a fair chance to change if you like him.
agnf666 Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I would say is you need to take control of the situation one time. Get some Lube... Blind fold him, take off his pants and get on top of him. This way you control the whole situation. If you show you want to be on top a few times then he might get the drift...
Krytellan Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Get some Lube... Blind fold him, take off his pants and get on top of him. This way you control the whole situation. If you show you want to be on top a few times then he might get the drift... I disagree on 2 counts: 1. It is a passive technique and he may have no idea that it is meant as a leanring experience. 2. It may create a "competitive" situation in which he contrues it as her taking control. This could lead to him competing for even more control in the future b/c it's kinky to him.
agnf666 Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I disagree on 2 counts: 1. It is a passive technique and he may have no idea that it is meant as a leanring experience. 2. It may create a "competitive" situation in which he contrues it as her taking control. This could lead to him competing for even more control in the future b/c it's kinky to him. Some how she is going to have to figure out how to get pleasure out of sex with him. So, I figured that she would have to work it on him. If she can say or do anything abou tthe sex life they have then it's not going to work.
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