littlebopeep Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I was with my ex for 4.5 years and really really happy.I was always a little insecure but he went out of his way to try and reassure me,we always kept the romance going into our r/ship. 6 months ago he went away on placement for a year but we loved each other enough to think we could get through it.He,d only been away 5 weeks when i went to visit him for a week.Until then he had phoned me every night and text during the day. When i got there he had made a cd of all our favourite songs and we had candlelit meals and wine,things were fantastic.Afew days later we went out for a meal and drinks and there was some pretty girls sat in the place we were in.It seemed like he was looking at them so i got upset and walked out. We ended up arguing and the next day he asked me to please trust him otherwise things wouldnt work.We made up but the next day he ended it saying it wouldnt work.I dont see him and have rarely spoke to him but although ive been on dates,gone out with friends.i still miss him. He told me he still loved me but has never bothered keeping in contact even though i know its the best for him.Do you think hes forgotten about me so easily?Do you think theres a chance he might want to see me when hes home again or should i just continue with n/c.thanks if you have taken time to read.
catrocks Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I think you should send him a letter explaining how you feel. Do you want to give it another go? It is possible that he might want to as well but if he does you need to do some serious damage control. The truth is, he probably wasn't looking at the other girls in the restaurant, and you walking out was not the best thing to have done. It sounds like this was what made him decide it wouldn't work. You need to trust your partner and he probably felt hurt that he had gone to all this effort to make your visit perfect and memorable and then you got p*ssed off and walked out. I think you should contact him and explain that you know what you did was stupid and that you really appreciated all the trouble he went through for your trip. But if you can't trust him then you'll only end up hurting each other. Maybe you need to work on your trust issues first. Give it a go with him though, you'll only regret it if you don't. Good luck
Author littlebopeep Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 I already tried telling him how sorry i was but because it had happened once before he said his decision was made and although he would love to think things could work out he didnt want to try because if it didnt work out he didnt want to hurt me. I think if he still had feelings for me he would have kept in contact but he hasnt bothered much at all.Ive spoken to him a couple of times on msn but not for long and i never mention us for fear of rejection. I guess this last 6 months without him has made me realise that i can live my life without him and not depend on him for my happiness but at the same time i still miss him. I think its time i need to let him go but that will be hard and keep working on my insecurities so that i can be a better person.Thanks again for your reply.
BlueEyedSarah Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 When i got there he had made a cd of all our favourite songs and we had candlelit meals and wine,things were fantastic.Afew days later we went out for a meal and drinks and there was some pretty girls sat in the place we were in.It seemed like he was looking at them so i got upset and walked out. Sounds like he put a lot of effort into what he has done, thats so sweet of him to do this and think of you in such a romantic way But then he looks at another girl/girls... Romantic time ruined for him and you. Guys tend to run at the sight of their partner being jealous. You were jealous at him just looking at the girls...did he go over to them, ask for their phone number right in front of you? That I could understand! But just looking at them...maybe there was a top one of the girls was wearing and he was thinking of buying for you as it might suit you or something... You thought they were pretty but he may have thought diffrent. You can not prevent every guy from just looking at another girl. I think everyone thinks this person or that person is pretty or handsome, its a natural instinct for humans to do this, even while with a partner, it does not mean he would go over to every girl he thinks looks good or pretty and cheat on you. You have said you have explained your story, he has explained he's story to you already, the relationship will not work with jealousy and so he has showed you by ending it with you. I'm sure he still does think of you and has feelings, but now you have to accept its over. He is not contacting you because he is healing himself. He is doing no contact with you and its best for you to do the same too.
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Do you think theres a chance he might want to see me when hes home again or should i just continue with n/c.thanks if you have taken time to read. He hasn't forgotten about you. NC allows him to forget the last few times when you argued and allows him to remember the good things. Continue with NC - get yourself looking terrific and run into him "by accident" when he is home. When you do, be happy and warm to him. Ask questions about him - don't share much about yourself or what you are up to - be vague if he asks and then ask another question about what is going on with him. Be fun. And then say it was great running into him but you have to get going. He'll be reminded of all of your great qualities right then, he'll also find your happiness enticing, and the fact that you were completely open with information is intriguing. He won't be able to stop thinking about you and he'll want to get in contact with you again. You didn't have the systematic breakdown of months and months with the relationship steadily going sour so there is a lot of spark left in the fire - believe me.
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Guys tend to run at the sight of their partner being jealous. My guys never have. In fact, quite the opposite. But I would not have stormed out of the restaurant when I caught him either. You were jealous at him just looking at the girls...did he go over to them, ask for their phone number right in front of you? That I could understand! But just looking at them...maybe there was a top one of the girls was wearing and he was thinking of buying for you as it might suit you or something... He wasn't looking at their clothes or thinking of buying anything. He was looking at the girls. Sizing them up. You are here with me. Focus on me. My brother is the one who taught me this lesson a long, long, time ago - All men look - but the guy that has respect for his woman isn't so obvious about it. It is disrespectful.
Sweetie2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 I don't think he's forgotten about you, I think that in his mind the relationship is over, so why keep contact? Guys tend to think that way, once it's over, it's over, and they don't need to keep contact like they used to. I was seeing this guy once, who just stopped talking to me, completely ignored phone calls, I even heard him tell his mother that he didn't want to talk to me, he wouldn't reply to emails, and didn't even say hi when I saw him a few weeks later. After I moved on, and got a new BF (the LDR BF I have now), I saw him, and he said "hey Ash" then saw my hand holding my BF's and his face fell... that was a great moment for me, like payback! lol Anyway... I guess this last 6 months without him has made me realise that i can live my life without him and not depend on him for my happiness but at the same time i still miss him. I think if you now realize you can live without him, then you should just move on. If you want contact, maybe you could simply ask him if you two are okay, as friends? Whatever he says, I guess you have to accept it, but at least that way you have some kind of closure, one way or another...
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