oppath Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 How often do you date? Men, how often do you ask a woman on a date? Women, how often are you asked out? Obviously, the answers will be all over the map, and if someone doesn't conform to the majority, it doesn't mean anything. There are risks when comparing yourself to others. I try not to do this. At the same time, I'm affable, attractive, and always pursuing at least 3 co-ed passions on a regular basis. When I'm happy and not depressed, I probably have 1 date a month on average. They rarely go anywhere. I rarely crush. So by some standards, I date a lot, more than many people. But I feel like I'm usually "dating" less than other people. Even when I'm not looking for a relationship, I'll end things immediately if the other person is someone who I wouldn't want a relationship with. I wonder if I need to ask more women out? Especially random women which is the toughest pull of all. While I'm not yet ready to date, I'm ready to flirt, but I look around all the activities I do but there are few people that spark attraction. It's always been that way, and there is nothing wrong with it. I can either disect where I'm meeting people and try new things (which I already do), or maybe I need to ask out more people? One every other week is my norm when I'm in good spirits.
Boond0ckSaint Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Well, to answer your question.....I never date. And I've asked out 2 girls.
Star Gazer Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Dating IS a numbers game, IMO. The more people you date, and the more often you date, the more likely you are to find someone who "fits." I'm speaking of casual dating here...once you find someone you think is special, the other dates should pretty much be discontinued. To answer your question, when single, I probably go out on 2-3 dates a month. In college I had more time to date, so it was more often. My current dating schedule is more limited due to my freakishly busy evening calendar... my social plate is just too full!
sunshinegirl Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I agree with Star Gazer about it being, in part, a numbers game. For most of my life I wasn't a prolific dater. (Got a late start, at that, with my first major relationship starting when I was 25.) In the last year, though, I got a dating bug or something and was an extremely active (online) dater for 3-4 months - last fall especially. We're talking multiple dates a week. I think I decided that it was definitely a numbers game and so I was going to put myself out there as much as I could to see what would surface. It was crazy and fun and different going out so much. I met a lot of cool guys, though ironically enough today I'm dating someone that I met offline 8 months ago.
Author oppath Posted March 8, 2007 Author Posted March 8, 2007 I was a late bloomer too so I missed those college years. I didn't start dating until I was 24, really, had my first GF at 25, and my first real relationship at 27, which has wrecked me. I would say that when I'm happy I'm a successful dater, but much of my adult life I've been clinically depressed. It makes it much more difficult. I want to start flirting and eventually dating now that I'm getting over my break up. I meet many people but not many people to date. Part of this is because I'm depressed and therefore don't put out the right vibes but part of it...I can't explain it. I rarely meet single women through friends of friends so almost every person is a cold call. I too went through a stage where I'd have multiple dates a month but I was doing it just to do it and I knew ahead of time I wouldn't become involved with some of those women. I do everything right. It is a numbers game. I don't wish to compare myself to others because that is the worst thing you can do for your self esteem, but somehow I feel it is more difficult for me than it should be. Hopefully moving to a new town this summer I can date-date-date...new people, joining a couple online sites, etc. No pressure since I don't want a relationship and will be moving back to SoCal in 5 months.
Capatinacen Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I have no time to date. I'm working on my post undergrad stuff so I REALLY don't have the time. I'd like to and yes I know I have to make the time so what I'm hoping is to meet someone who's in the major that I am. That would be great!
LoveLace Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 This thread makes me sad. I dont' date like EVER. I am attractive (I swear!) but I don't get asked out, just flirted with, hit on, whatever...no one ever says let's have dinner sometime. Oh, wait, the nasty guys do, not the good ones. The one time I asked a guy out myself he stood me up, so never again! I'm 30 yrs. old and don't understand why I can't be actively dating...other than being too busy to meet new people... elgh you don't want me get started it depresses me big time.... f*** it!
Author oppath Posted March 8, 2007 Author Posted March 8, 2007 I know what you are saying Lovelace. It is important to remember that you aren' necessarily doing anything wrong if you rarely date and it has nothing to do with you. In fact, people who date a lot might be doing things wrong because they choose poor people and are focusing so much on dating, they aren't cultivating other areas of your life. People may be dating someone they see no future with because it's convenient for them. That isn't right or wrong but choose not to do it. Don't ever compare yourself to others in this regard. I've had women tell me I'm handsome and that is one reason I don't date much, because I'm BF material and I intimidate girls. I have a hard time believing this! AS a graduate student, I do have the time to date. But i don't have the money, needed not to keep a woman's interest -- that is BS -- but to do many social activities that would introduce me to more women. I've tried some at my university, rec classes like massage, and all the girls are 18/19. I'm only 2 months single though, so dating can wait a little while longer.
Capatinacen Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 This thread makes me sad. I dont' date like EVER. I am attractive (I swear!) but I don't get asked out, just flirted with, hit on, whatever...no one ever says let's have dinner sometime. Oh, wait, the nasty guys do, not the good ones. The one time I asked a guy out myself he stood me up, so never again! I'm 30 yrs. old and don't understand why I can't be actively dating...other than being too busy to meet new people... elgh you don't want me get started it depresses me big time.... f*** it! What do you consider "nasty" guys? Reason I'm asking is that your post reminded me of myself minus the stood up part. That's horrible BTW. My problem is that I'm stuck in "casual" wear unless I have to dress up. I used to all the time and would get the "non-nasty" guys to hit on me. But now that I dress down and for comfort, I get hit on by the so called "nasty" guys. But yes I to am an attractive person, I just choose not to be in a relationship at the moment and the way for me to do it is to dress down. But since I'm only 23 and going into graduate school, I'm going to have a hard time finding someone unless their in my major or my church. By the time I get out I will be about 25-26 and starting my career. That's not exactly a catch. Especially when my job comes into play among other things.
Capatinacen Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 AS a graduate student, I do have the time to date. But i don't have the money, needed not to keep a woman's interest -- that is BS -- but to do many social activities that would introduce me to more women. I've tried some at my university, rec classes like massage, and all the girls are 18/19. Oppath, Is it hard finding people your own age to date while in graduate school. I was wondering about that because I will be going back to the universtiy but I will be older then most.
Author oppath Posted March 8, 2007 Author Posted March 8, 2007 First, I wouldn't mind dating another graduate student, but I don't want to date anyone in my department. My department is actually on it's own campus away from the main university, only 1 mile, but basically there aren't people walking around or random events. That is a strike. AS a male graduate student, I've had girls tell me they couldn't date me until I was finished with school because they wanted someone with a good job. These women live at home with their parents and work at a job their parents got them! There are things working against me for casual dating, as many women aren't interested in me (despite the fact that I'm hot!). The toughtest part is people not being able to relate to what you do and your passion for it. People are intimidated. Also, the type of people going to graduate programs are different than mid 20's types working, who may go out to the bars with their friends a couple nights during the week, meeting friends of friends. People in graduate school are less likely to do this because they are still working, they don't have the money, and many people are more introverted so fewer people go out and there are fewer opportunities.
Capatinacen Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 That sounds depressing. But I've heard the same thing your telling me from others. So then how are we suppost to met people?
Author oppath Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 Take a rec class (non credit) in kung fu. Join a non-university, townie coed sports league. Take a non-university ballroom dance class. Most grad students do date other graduate students. I prefer to avoid that drama because I'm attracted to people who do different things than me. You can meet people everywhere as a graduate student. We do date. The struggle is finding someone we are attracted to in all ways. What for others might be an acceptable casual date, a fun time, people at the masters or PhD level would often pass because our focus' are different.
IpAncA Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I've had women tell me I'm handsome and that is one reason I don't date much, because I'm BF material and I intimidate girls. I have a hard time believing this! BF material? What do these women want? In my day that was good. My my how a couple of years have changed. Don't feel bad though, I was considered W material. What the heck is that?
Author oppath Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 It means that a lot of women probably think I'm not single or wouldn't be interested in them so they don't flirt much.
IpAncA Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 It means that a lot of women probably think I'm not single or wouldn't be interested in them so they don't flirt much. Do you look like some model or something? Being serious too.
Author oppath Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 No. Not that good looking, though the female friends who SAY this claim I am. I think I'm good looking but I don't turn eyes. I'm not the player type. I don't know. Many of the girls I have dated have told me I am by far the best looking guy they dated and they didn't think I'd be interested in them. I thought these girls were gorgeous! It's a problem of women being afraid to approach me and me being a bit hesitant to approach them.
IpAncA Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Well if your as good looking as I'm thinking I can understand why they think the way they do and why they think your taken. For me personally, if I knew a good looking guy, I left them alone. Figured they wanted someone who looked as good as they did. Of course they could have anyone so mostly it's the above average looking girls they were seen with. I figured that what they wanted and of course I was proven right. Now I'm not saying this is YOU not saying that, just being honest with what I've seen and experienced myself. I have no idea what your attracted to BTW.
LoveLace Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I'm currently using a personals site that shows you all the people who have viewed your profile. Then you get to see all the guys that have seen my profile/pic but decided not to write me! It sends me email that says "You have 10 new views!!" - but my mailbox is empty! What a confidence booster!!
Author oppath Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 In contrast, there are so many fake female profiles are non-subscribers that many emails I send out get no response in addition to the numbers game factor. This is especially true with yahoo. You can't take it personal. How about contacting some guys yourself? Some of the ones that looked at you might not think you'd be interested in them!
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