thecount Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 She called me at work, She told me I know what you said to go figure it out, but I miss you. I asked what do you miss? she said you. I said very touching ( sarcasm), she said she still doesn't know what she wants, hasn't had time to think, because she's been sick, and slept most of the time. Mind you this girl likes to sleep when she's feeling good, when she's sick, there's no contacting her. lol out for the count. She's still in this depressed mode, I know that one of the signs of depression is to sleep. That's what you do when you can't face your problems. I asked her if she had found another therapist. NO! can't afford it. But can afford to go to the gym. but hasn't gone in over a week because she so sick. I know she likes the gym, but she really does need therapy. she knows it too, but I don't know why she just doesn't want to go. i know it's not just the money. At this point she started crying, her father Mr. wonderful is making her life difficult, he saw that she was depressed asked her what was wrong and she told him she misses me, and he went nuts on her. ( the only reason he doesn't like me is because we're 15 years apart, but like he says, i'm the best damn boyfriend she's ever had). He thinks I was going with her because she was younger. and using her for a piece of meat. not true. I fell in love with her. and she did with me until he started his sh*t everything was great with us. That's when it all started to go down hill. and thats when she started with the ex b/f and all those wonderful things she did to me. she even told me about some terrible things he said about the grandfather who's dying from lung cancer. This is a man who hasn't spoken to his own mother in 20 years for something stupid. I just think this man is going to destroy my ex. She had to go to therapy when she was 3 years old because of him. Not a very stable in that house hold Then she started with the I love you's. This really annoyed me. I told her do not say it if you don't mean it. Then she got mad at me. I do mean jerk, why do you think I'm calling you. I just find it hard to believe right now. After all the crap, lies, the whole trust thing is f**ked. Last week I missed her terribly, when I heard her voice today. I just couldn't wait to get off the phone with her. I really had nothing to say. WHile she was talking me all I was thinking about was how she treated me. I was giving little jabs here and there about the whole mess, and then I felt bad about it. So I stopped and told her I had to go. Then she asked if I can call her later. I said we'll see. That's when she got upset with me, but she ended the call with I love you. I didn't call, but I saw one missed call on my cell and it was her. I don't know if I even love her anymore, and that's making me sad now. WHY? I do miss her though I guess I do love her still I don't know anymore, and all the call did was confuse the sh*t out of me. she wants me she doesn't want me. I still don't want to call her, am i doing the right thing here? I'm so out of it I can't even sleep.
jmargel Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Look up the 5 stages of grief, while you are going through this she contacted you, could be part of the reason why you are upset about all of this. Also the fact that nothing has changed, and her words are meaningless. Actions speak louder than words and she hasn't shown anything will change. IMO I wouldn't call her back, move on with your life. If she refuses to get therapy for her problems then you know she's not really serious. Good chance she just had a fight with her ex, and is coming to you.
Carl321 Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I agree with Margel. Nothing really new her from her end. If she wants to reconcile, she will make that absolutely clear to you. All this other stuff she is saying is meaningless. It is clear that she does not know what she wants, and the best way to let her do that is to not speak with her. She is just being selfish--wanting to speak with you to assure herself that you are still in her life, yet not wanting to commit to a relationship. That is totally unacceptable.
stace79 Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I think you are sad because she was a big part of your life and someone you cared about deeply. It seems like she is a different person now, and maybe you still love who she WAS, but not this depressed and inactive person. I have felt that way about someone, like "you are being so mean, who are you right now? not the person I loved." I think keeping distance is still the best thing for you. Don't be hard on yourself...you're bound to face lots of emotions during this ordeal.
Author thecount Posted March 8, 2007 Author Posted March 8, 2007 I'll give anything to get the woman I fell in love with back, but I know it's not going to happen anytime soon or if ever. Keeping my distance has made me realize how strong I can really be at times, or maybe i'm just stubborn. Sometimes I just get so depressed over the whole thing I make myself sick. i think right now I'm more upset with myself then with her. I should have done this months ago. When I first found out everything, i should have just stuck to my guns and walked out on her. Insted I believed ever word that came out of her mouth. The lies she has told were big and so damn believable, but deep down inside I knew she was lying, all my worst nightmares were facing me dead on, and I choose to ignore it, because i loved her. When she left me Christmas Eve, that was it. and i became one angry SOB. I did one mighty childish thing. Sent her ex a pic of me and her. well you can just imagin of what. lol -- I got that out of my system, felt good for a sec or two. Then I was like "what the hell am I doing". She thought it was very funny. I know she trusted me with those pictures, but I trusted her with something biggerand she just kept on lying and treating me like dirt. I know Two wrongs don't make a right. But it sure did feel so good, because in the past I just excepted everything she gave. Not this time, she saw a side of me that wasn't so nice, and now I'm no longer calling her. I know she's thinking, because I'm not budging. She knows what I want, but even if at this moment she goes to therapy, and starts to make changes. I'm not ready to go back, and I don't know if I will ever be. I am really thinking about all this. All i see was her in those pictures with her ex at a wedding, and a halloween party, while I was home doing her work, and I just can't let it go. I feel so humiliated by the whole thing. How can someone, who practicly lived with you, shared so much with you, tell you how importent you are to them, act in such a horrible way? And then expect "sorry" to fix everything.
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