Anonymous Guest Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 This is quite a lot I have to write, but I am hoping for some honest help. I met this guy last year in college, at the time we both had a significant other and we became really close friends. We saw each other in class weekly and kept in touch when we weren't together. After the semester was over he called me a few times expressing his interest to go out with me to the movies or to dinner just to see how things were going. After going out a few times, he confessed he really liked me but the fact that I had a boyfriend had prevented him from pursuing anything further. I confessed I liked him as well and lets just say that a few dates after that we were all over each other. We haven't had sex (mainly because I refuse to.. I'll explain later) but we have kissed very heavily and we pretty much act like a couple when we go out together. I wasn't very happy in my current relationship so I broke it off... in part because I was honestly hoping this guy would do the same and we could have an official relationship. When I told him I had broken off with my boyfriend he was extremely happy, he said that "his wish had come true". But yet he said nothing about breaking up with his girlfriend. I have talked to him about her and he has said that he doesn't know what to do. At the same time he told me that "we were in such a complicated situation", that he was the kind of person that would just put things aside when they were complicated and pretend like they weren't happening. I know they have lots of problems and he even thinks she is not faithful to him, but yet he has not broken off with her. Perhaps what made me realize how bad this situation was, is the fact that I called him one night and he promised to call me back but he never did. His excuse was that she called him and they got talking. She is obviously his number one. (btw. he never mentions her name to me- he always just says "her"). When refering to what we have, he never knows how to describe it, he always just says "what we have", and I am not going to lie it hurts me. I don't know how to express to him that I have really fallen for him, and even though before I told him I didn't want anything serious, right now I do. I am just afraid he is only using me because he hopes to eventually have sex with me (I have already decided not to have sex with him unless he breaks up with his girlfriend and we have a serious relationship). Here is the real problem, his girlfriend lives in another country, he only gets to see her once or twice a year, but they communicate constantly via phone and she always calls him and such while we are together. It sucks knowning that he is using me because she is not around and that he will eventually go to her. I feel really bad because I feel like I did my part of the deal, I broke up with my boyfriend to be with him, but yet he can't bring himself to do the same thing for me. He always says how much he likes me and how into me he is, but yet I know he is not looking for a serious commitment. I don't want him to hurt my feelings, he has promised not to, but I am sure he was just lying when he said that. Sometimes I think that he is just making sure I am right for him before he leaves her, but I am not so sure about that either. He wants me to be single for him, he hates me talking about other guys and has even gone through my phone to see if any guys are calling me. I dont know what to do. I want to give him an ultimatum, to tell him that I refuse to be his second, and that if he doesn't break up with her we won't be able to see each other again "that way", but at the same time I don't want to lose him. I feel that maybe if I tell him this he will be more willing to think about the situation. Any help/insight would be appreciated...
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