Hopelessly_In_Denial Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Hey, this one's long, and i seem to ramble a bit.... Me and my GF of 7 years broke up about 8 months ago. I"m 31 and she's 28. we met when she was 21 and i was 24. When we parted, it was bad. we'd grown apart. argued about everything and just didnt communicate well at all. it all boiled down to us growing apart and not willing to work it out even though we cared for and loved eachother deeply. it was a mutual break-up even though she was the one who broke it off. She moved out of our place and found a room mate out of state. i helped her move and even bought her a bed and dresser and helped her out financially (we still shared bank accounts). Her argument was she needed more attention and affection. I'm a workaholic and often obsess over my work which is one of the factors in our parting. she was ready to get married and think about children. i still wanted to wait until we were financially and emotionally stable to take it to the next level. when we parted, surprisingly enough, i thought it was what i wanted. we were both sad, but felt it was for the best. we broke the rules of course and still slept with eachother 3 months afterwards until we eventually stopped. during this time i began dating and so did she, but we still found time to be with eachtoehr and sleep together. it seemed as if the space had brought us closer. then she suddenly decided it was best for us to stop seeing eachother until we were ready after our last intimate encounter that final month. It wasnt until a month later that it really hit me that i was devastated by our break-up. after seeing different women, who, where all amazing in their own right and totally different from my ex, i realized that i didn't want to date around. i didn't want to bar hop and find women. i realized that i wanted her back and i was willing to whatever it took to get her back. even marriage. so in the 6th month, i confessed to her my feelings and that i wanted to be her husband and go to couples/marriage counseling and was willing to change and do what i needed to do to be a better person for me, her and the relaionship and she didnt feel the same way. saying that had i come to her 6 months prior, things might have been different. i was blown away to say the least. especially since we'd been in the sack just a couple months prior and still established verbal contact over the phone even though we handt seen eachother much.She later revealed to me tha she'd found a much older man, 49, "seperated" (still married) from his wife with GROWN KIDS (most-likely her age or close). and he was amazing apparently. he gave her flowers, affection, roses, jewelry. he was open about his feelings more than me apparently and was very attentive to her romantically. all the things she claimed she needed (that i believe i gave her over the span of our years together). i mean, we shared everything together. She's just started dating him a month or so after we'd stopped sleeping together. we shared everything together. For some reason she feels i was lead to believe otherwise and was blown away that i wanted to work things out and get married ( i had a bid on the ring and everything just waiting for her response)and that she's completely over me. I was crushed to say the least and now the 6 months i could have spent getting over her, now are gone and i feel like i've just lost her. she's moved on and is suddenly over me with this new guy. but get this: she still wants to "BE FRIENDS" and maintain contact. Isn't that weird? its torture. I feel like this guy is just giving her what she wants now and he's the one offering it. i also feel like there's nothing i could do now to win her back because i'm not "new." There's baggaage attached to me.Suffice it to say i gathered what little strength i had and i did the NC plan. I even sought therapy because i want to be out of this rut and move on with my life.i even got a new phone with a number and deleted her number from my phone. but she still contacts me every other week asking how i'm doing and hope that i'm doing well. it's too much. i told her that i needed to not speak to her and appreciated it if she wouldnt contact me anymore and she judged me saying i "wasnt her friend" but suggesting that. Now, she seems to be completely indifferent and unphased. I kills me to know that afer seven years of us being kids and going through so much, that she can just forget about me and move on in just a couple months. i know that how she feels is irrelevant because its over, but i can't take it and can't help but wonder how i'm going to move on. To make matters worse, her birthday's next week and i've not communicated with her in almost 2 weeks until she emailed me today about a shared bill we agreed upon paying months ago thats come up. Should i call? send an SMS? email? my ego's warning me that I'd feel like less of man trying to call and wish her a happy B-DAy knowing her prince charming so-to-speak is wining and dining her while they chuckle about me in past tense. but my heart and need 9and possibly denial) is telling me to call her so that she still knows that you care about her. should i repsond back ot her or just deposit the money in her account and not respond. i truly and trying to get over her and every little bit of contact she sends me, gets me weak to the point where assume some sort of agenda behind her contacting me. I keep thinking she wants to get back together but i know its not true. i'm in denial. and honestly i just dont know why she'd wanna still be friends with me after 8 months of us parting (well, technically 3 months if you count the sex and intimacy and time together after the initial "breakup") and 7 years together. is she really over me? in denial? or just really enjoy giving me mental mid-evil torture? i know with time i'll get over her, but i need some advice quick... help!
neowulf Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 When you first break up with someone, there'll be a period of grieving. You feel tremendeous loss and pain. It's completely normal. You've lost someone very important in your life. But the fact is, when you're going through this phase, it's easy to forget all the issues that lead you to the breakup in the first place. There were *reasons* it didn't work out between you. They have have slipped your mind, but believe me there still there. If you were telling me that your girlfriend felt the same way you do about the relationship, then maybe you could take another go at the relationship. However, the sad truth is that people don't change. She's who she is. You are who you are. As much as you might love and care for each other, being "almost right" for each other simply isn't enough to make the relationship work. My best advice to you would be to focus your attention on yourself for a while. Who are you now? What do you stand for? What do you want to do with your life? Do you have any dreams? Or hopes? What about hobbies? Anything you've ever wished you could have tried, but didn't because you were too busy? Your life is your own again, to make as you will. Time is short and we only have one life to lead. Focus on getting your own life back on track. In my experience, I've never *found* love when I was looking for it. It always happened right at the point I was happiest with myself and my life as a whole. You'll find a new love when the time is right. Until then, find the strength within yourself to move forward. I wish you all the best.
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