Guest Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Hello all, I value all your opinions and comments made on LS. I have been reading different threads on infidelity, hoping to find anything similar to my situation. My husband has a female "friend" she is married with children, as a matter of fact our children and their children go to the same school. The reason they became friends was that they discovered they shared a mutual interest in running marathons and competing in other long distance running events. We have had dinner with each others family and have participated in many activities together. She is very nice and attentive to the two of us. She is very thoughtful and generous as well. What bothers me is that whenever she has something of interest to e-mail, she will only e-mail to my husband. I have also noticed that whenever we have a get together of sorts she will communicate more with him rather than with me. I also noticed my husband checking her boobs out one time, she is quite blessed with big boobs, and she is also a very pretty woman. I don't know if I am sensing something inappropriate going on or I have become insecure since she has come into our lives. I worry when they have running events, although they are surrounded by thousands of other participants I feel as though they are sharing in something I cannot share or have interest to do so with my husband. He seems to light up whenever she is around, I also notice she is quite aware of that and likes it. Her husband doesn't seem to have any insecurities with their friendship. Am I being paranoid? Can a woman and a man really have a platonic relationship and able to share same interests without it having to get physical??? Please help, I do want to like her, but something tells me they are attracted to each other. I do not want to ask my husband he would think I'm nuts for even speculating such a thought!
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 You can't stop him from looking, all guys do that...But, you say he lights up when she is around, that could be something to worry about, or it is just he genuinally enjoys her company as a friend. I think you need to tell him how you feel. Gently though...Don't accuse him of anything. He shouldn't think you're nuts! I mean, if you had a male friend and he was feeling the way you are, don't you think he'd feel concerned and abit jealous that you were connecting too much with someone else? Just watch them a little closer, and see how he reacts when you walk by if he is reading one of her emails. Does he close the email? Or leave it open like it's no big deal?
lovely01 Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 if it bothers you then yes you should express how you feel. what does the email contain? have you seen the emails.
ohmy3 Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 hello guest! yes i 2 would make him aware, in a nice way out of the blue that you were feeling a bit unsure of you & him due to not having much common intrest in at least 1 thing & that you can do 2gether. ( even if you don't really like it, once in a awhlie making the effort to involve yourself in his intrest are very good and show your being supportive ) long as you aren't moody about whatever you choose to do w/ him. (put it this way so he thinks you were wondering so he don't go on the defense and get mad) that get you no where , just do it coamly and quitely (soft spoken) that you think your be closer if you can find things (like running) that you can have in common that are about you & him . and that at this point you don't and that bothers you and you like to be more involved w/ things he has intrest in......... can't you run w/ him or take small walks w/ him ++ you will feel good if you do inside and out! i would work this all in soon as it will eat you up and you will start thinking other things are going on if you don't at least state how you feel but be CLEVER about how you bring it up and only at the right time not in a fight and not after you've or he's been around her as he will pick that up right away and see your feeling threated by her.................. but be on the watch and make yourself & feeling's known (not doing so will eat you alive) --- GOOD Luck! also do you find yourself wanting to be her freind so you can see what your husband see's in her and you want to do or be the sameway ? so you see your husband LIGHT UP w/ you? if SO DON"T ! this is deadly trap (1st when peploe have a comfront zone you & husband liking her is 1 thing! but being to nice to close when the ground work is in the making between them both-makes things to easy to happen between peolpe in the (Comfornt ZONE) forget her you will only make yourself upset BE you & whom you are and be happy w/ you , if walking or running will do that for you try it and guess what you can get involved w/ hubby then to so you both win!
Guest Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 You can't stop him from looking, all guys do that...But, you say he lights up when she is around, that could be something to worry about, or it is just he genuinally enjoys her company as a friend. I think you need to tell him how you feel. Gently though...Don't accuse him of anything. He shouldn't think you're nuts! I mean, if you had a male friend and he was feeling the way you are, don't you think he'd feel concerned and abit jealous that you were connecting too much with someone else? Just watch them a little closer, and see how he reacts when you walk by if he is reading one of her emails. Does he close the email? Or leave it open like it's no big deal? Thank you all for the advice. Whichwayisup- You make a lot of sense. It's true I cannot stop my husband from looking at other attractive women, but I can't help but feel a little jealous when he is alone with her at these running events. E-mails between the two of them are very innocent. Usually it's stuff I send him and he forwards it to her. However, one in particular bothered me because it was titled tequila and salt- it went on to say different meanings of friendships and what they mean, ex: Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. What the heck! I know she did not write this herself, but only forwarded it to him and only him! What is that all about?? It finished with that if you truly love your friend you will send it right back to that person. It also mentioned that if life ever hands you lemons call me over for tequila and salt. My husband sent it back to her and it really pissed me off, but I did not say anything to him nor he does not know that I am aware of that e-mail. Am I being childish????
Dadaal Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 It seems that both of them( your hubby and his female friend) are some what attracted to each other. I 'd advise you not to jump into conclusions but to truely understand what's going on by speculating their interactions.
SadrBtWizr Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 If you are wondering, listen to your gut. The truth is this friendship is making you uncomfortable. Your feelings are not childish. The feelings are real. I wish I had listned to my instincts on my (now-ex) wife's "best friend". (Thus my screen name) You need to help your husband understand this. Presented correctly (with respect to him and his integrity) this need not turn into a contention, and could be an opprotunity for the two you to grow closer. Let him know your feelings, and let him know how much you love him. If you do this with respect and love, it may go well.
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