Bree Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Hello this is my first post and i am in desperate need of advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months we plan on getting married soon, but the problem is his ex. Two weeks into our relationship we found out she was pregnant, now she has had her baby and approved for paternity testing. I knew this girl back in high school and we never got along, she has a little missing up there if you know what i mean or maybe it's just immaturity. She doesnt want him seeing the baby unless i'm not around and she wants him back. But I think that if he sees his son it shouldn't be by him staying over there for the day without me just to visit child. I know she wants him back and i just don't think its a good idea. Am i wrong for that? Also, i don't believe in treating children differently just because you don't like there mother, but at the same time i feel it will be hard for me not to resent the child. I love my fiance very much and I hope and pray this won't split us apart. Please help with coping........
sunshinegirl Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Are you saying the paternity test took place and confirmed that your fiance is the father? What does he say about the situation?
Author Bree Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 No he hasnt taken the paternity test yet, he'll know today when he gets off work..I haven't had a chance to really talk to him about what he is going to do yet. But i know he will be there for his child.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 If paternity is proven and he pays support he should have every right to visitation with his child at his own home unless there is something very bad missing from the story. It may take some legal work to get that visitation granted, and many men don't either fight hard enough or have the money to do so. legal aid based on income is pretty widely available assuming you are in the US. If you feel any resentment it might be best not to get too involved in the situation or the child's life. I hope the resentment would be that the "baby momma" is trying to exert so much control, and not the actual baby itself. Just be careful, as partners with children are a package deal. If this girl is young she will likely relent her position. The novelty might wear off when she loses the weight and admits to herself that your guy is not going back to her. She will want to get out there and date, etc. and might be glad to give Jr to Daddy for the weekend! Just a possibility...
Author Bree Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 No there would be no reason that he couldn't have his own visitations. But we don't have the money to do it the legal way. So its gonna be like pins and needles dealing with her.
MoonGirl Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Hi Bree, Many lawyers offer a 1-hour free consultation. If your fiance wants to be part of his child's life, then he can be without having to spend time with his ex. Also be sure to contact your county's child support office and ask them about visitation rights. They should be able to stear you in the right direction. There is also a book called "Child Custody, Visitation, and Support in Texas" that might be a great help to you! I, unfortunately, am dealing with something similar. My new guy's ex dumped him 2+ years ago, but now that he's dating someone else, she is calling him and showing up all over the place. It is not easy... Keep in mind that it is NOT your responsibility to deal with your fiance's ex - it is his responsibility.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 No there would be no reason that he couldn't have his own visitations. But we don't have the money to do it the legal way. So its gonna be like pins and needles dealing with her. Montel Williams? Dr. Phil? I'm serious, these kinds of shows are always looking for personal stories along these lines and they assist with money for lawyers and shrinks, among other things regularly. It wouldn't hurt. No legal aid in Texas? I got a divorce for free in LA.
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