Smurfingawaymyday Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I'm 25, female and have been dating someone for a year and a half, long distance. We started out serious since he would be going away for school for the next two years and wanted to make sure that if we started something that he would not have to deal with breaking up when he was without his support system back home. The first year was great, the next few months after that were a little tense when he was back home for the summer, but since Christmas, things have just gone sour. I'm a quiet person, and while I wish I could change that, I can't have these long drawn out conversations every night, and all of a sudden this has become the most important thing for him to have. He doesn't take into consideration any of the other things I do for him and continuously comes back to the point that I'm not fulfilling his needs and he never gets anything he wants in this relationship. Now he doesn't want to talk about anything when we are together since, we don't touch or kiss, we just seem to be going through the motions. We argue all the time about small stuff and we only seem to get along when we don't talk ( his words ) It came to the point where he said that at times he could care less if I was in his life. I don't feel good, he doesn't feel good, it is time to let things go right?? That's what I thought, but he says he decided when we started dating that he was going to marry me, and if he has to be miserable than so be it and if I wasn't happy with that, then I would have to do the breaking up. I just don't understand this at all... We have no kids, we aren't engaged, we are only 25 and have a long life to live with or without each other. Am I being selfish that I want someone who is passionately in love with me and me with them? Am I being selfish if I end this relationship? I feel awful at the thought of breaking up with him and hurting him, but frankly he said he wouldn't be heartbroken if we broke up, so why can't I make the move to just move on...???? Thanks for listening
ratingsguy Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I don't think you're being selfish at all. When he says he could care less if you're in his life... if I were you, that ALONE would be my exit sign. If true love is what you need, go find it! Someone who can't give it to you is going to make you unhappy, so why make the effort? Besides, he's already made his decision for you. It's time to let him go. Good luck and welcome to the forum. I like your avatar by the way
thatmatt Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I don't think you're being selfish at all. I'm wondering if he really feels that he doesn't need you in his life, especially since he said YOU have to do the breaking up. Communication and conversations are very important in a long distance relationship, because there is no physical comfort there, but like you said, you have given him so much, it sounds like he is demanding this of you, and he is using the threat of the relationship ending to get you to fill his needs, which you have done more than enough to fulfill. You are a quiet person, I am too, so I understand, and I think if he was thinking about you in the relationship he would be working to find better ways of communication. I hope this helps, I wish you the best of luck whatever happens.
Author Smurfingawaymyday Posted March 8, 2007 Author Posted March 8, 2007 Thank you both for all the insight. I have realized more and more that our communication styles are very different and it may not be something that we can agree on and that is such an important part of the relationship. I was hoping that the distance was the problem but even when he comes back to visit, the connection is gone. He takes the 'you won't give me what I need when I'm away, so I just don't want to talk to you when I'm here, and you've turned me into this person, so blame yourself' approach and it's a downer. He's a good guy, would do anything for anyone if he could, but when it comes to me, I seem to get the brunt of his frustrations. I just wish we could be two mature people about this and come to a decision together, as two people who love and respect each other, about whether this is right or not and how we can improve on the bad stuff.
scubafish Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Most definately move on...... life is too short to deal with this type of attitude. I cringe just reading about him! you deserve better in your life, and you will find it.
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