Jacque70 Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Can I get opinions on this and, more importantly, recommendations? My husband and I haven't been married very long. We've been generally happy and compatable and are committed to the relationship. The incident that upset me happened this morning. We work for the company, but in different locations in the same city. Today I went to help out in his office because he and a few others were leaving for a conference and I was filling in. He showed me around and gave me an informal orientation. At one point after that I made a mistake and gave an envelope to the wrong person. The details don't matter. It was a relatively minor mistake that could be corrected and it happened because I didn't know the procedure. Anyway, my husband got all huffy and acted like I had made a huge error. We were off to the side so I'm not sure who might have noticed, but I was angry that he spoke to me, especially at work, with such derision when I was there to help. He left for his trip, acting like everything was fine and said he would miss me. I was still upset but didn't want to make a scene in front of our coworkers. But I'm still mad. I won't see him for a week and a half. He had sent me an email that said I love you earlier that day, and I responded right after this incident saying "you have a funny way of showing it". So he probably knows I'm upset. I don't want to not say anything about this but don't want to blow it out of proportion. What worries me is that he doesn't see anything wrong with how he reacted to me. He can be very sensitive and loving, but at times like these he seems so cold. Neither of us are so young, and he should definitely know better. How can I respond that will let him know that I won't put up with this kind of behavior? Any advice?
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 It seems he was in work-mode, not husband mode. If you two are working together, those lines sometimes get crossed. Maybe at work you need to go into workmode as well, not look at him as your husband, but as a co worker. At home he's fine, right? Do you only feel this way at work with him?
JackJack Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 If this was a one time deal where he acted rude then I would speak with him about it and let him know it bothered you, but then after that I would let it go. If this is NOT the first time he has been rude to you or spoke to you in a harsh manner, home or work, then you need to find out why he is acting that way.
Moose Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 He had sent me an email that said I love you earlier that day, and I responded right after this incident saying "you have a funny way of showing it". Look....he emailed you that to test the waters. He ALREADY knew you were upset. He probably even realized what he had done, and felt bad about it. So he emails you, "I love you", and you email back that remark.....classic, disrespectful, and just as damaging as him getting on to you over something so trivial. What would of been wrong with you emailing him back a response like, "I love you too, but I need an apology for how you treated me earlier...." You probably would get a response that would've made you feel a lot better....
a4a Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I often have to work with my spouse and you have to set your personal feelings aside when doing so. This works both ways for both parties. Work is not the place to hash out personal feelings. I cannot tell you how many times I have been short with my H at work. Some emergencies require quick thinking and you don't have time to "make nice nice"......... then I have to hear about it. Work mode is work mode and you cannot take it personal. Sorry but this is a peeve of mine currently with my H. I don't have the time or the desire to be a lovey wifey when at work. You probably took his critical attitude much harder than you would have from another coworker because he is your husband...... so now let it go.
Author Jacque70 Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 That's probably true about the work mode. I just couldn't imagine him speaking like that to another co-worker and I was embarrassed that he spoke that way to me in front of others. But I also realize that I may need to be more removed at work.
a4a Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Well it sounds like he apologized pretty much and you need to let it go and simply ask that he treats you with the same respect he shows his other coworkers.
ridingthebulls Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 It sounds like he keeps his personal and business life separate. He also obviously takes his job seriously and this is a problem because?
fluffy0 Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I think when he gets back from the trip you should have at talk at some point, and you need to tell him how you felt. Yes, you two should put aside your 'married status" at work. But that also means treating each other with respect when you criticize. If he wouldn't have spoken to another co-worker like that, he shouldn't speak to you like that. Also, I would think it makes him look bad to do that in front of his co-workers, so for the sake of your husband keeping his job, you need to tell him that kind of treatment is not only being rude to you as his wife, but also unproffesional.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Exactly why spouses shoud NOT work together. If he is the "boss", it's up to him to decide whether your mistake was minor and how it should be prevented in the future. If you were off to the side, he had a private discussion with you about it. I have the feeling the you cast the whole thing in a husband/wife light ("I was angry that he spoke to me that way") that has nothing to do with the business. It creates a no-win situation for him. He can either treat you differently than the other people there and have problems on the job, or he can treat you the same and have problems at home. Tough choice... a4a, if you and your husband can sucessfully work together, you have my undying respect. Mr. Lucky
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