reservoirdog1 Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Big fight with GF tonight. We started dating in April, broke up for two months in the fall and have been back together for about 4 months. In the last four months I came to love her. I can see a future with her. That being said, there are some logistical challenges. We each have two kids from previous relationships. She has some physical health problems whose long-term impact and severity are not clear (except to say that they're chronic, not fatal). Despite all of those logistical challenges however, she matches my criteria for a partner in every way. If there's anything that's held me back, it's those logistical issues. This past weekend, we went away together. Near the end of that trip, we were talking. Earlier she'd expressed interest in getting a tattoo. This conversation progressed and she said she wanted to get something that symbolized her and me -- not just her. I have concerns with that, which I expressed. A tattoo is a permanent mark on one's body. And to put it simply, I think that it's simply too early for her to do that to her body in a way that represents "us" -- we've only been seeing each other since April. She sees my view as evidence that I have doubts about the relationship. I don't know if my consideration for logistical issues constitutes "doubts" -- I guess it does, though I've taken the view since we got back together that as long as the person is right for you in terms of who they are, attraction, sexual compatibility, personality, etc., logistical considerations will "take care of themselves". Nonetheless, I think it's just too soon for the tattoo. My attempts to explain my position offended her (that was her word). At the risk of sounding judgmental -- which I'm not trying to be, only honest -- getting a tattoo representing a relationship with a partner that's not even a year old sounds like a cliche, or just kind of "out there". Or too Hollywood. Or something that should wait until we're at least living together. Or something. Whatever it is, it makes me feel uncomfortable. We're not living together and are not planning to anytime soon. Am I out to lunch in feeling this way? Or is she? Or neither of us? If your significant other of 8-10 months said they wanted to get a tattoo that symbolized you, or both of you together, how would you feel about that? I really need a totally independent, detached third person perspective on this. Thanks everybody.
silentcharon Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 No way. I would freak out if my so wanted to get my name marked on his body, no matter what level of commitment we are at! But then it is his body, he can do what he wishes. I have a friend who dated a guy for a year- he wanted to get a tattoo of her name because he was convinced they would last forever. She told him that she didn't want him to do that. They ended up breaking up on bad terms, and now she says she wishes he went ahead and got that tattoo. Nothing like breaking up and walking around with your ex's name on your body
silentcharon Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Sorry I hit 'submit' instead of preview. She may be using the tattoo to cement the relationship. Why don't you suggest something to her, of something non-permanent? Like Henna? it wears off after a few weeks. Are you against tattoos or the idea of her prancing around with your name on her, permanent or otherwise?
LN99 Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 My ex pushed me into getting my tattoo. But he didn't get one. I'm glad though that I picked something that I LIKED and would have gotten anyways. To me, its enough that that tattoo brings along the memory of him holding my hand during the process. (Its my first and only for now.) Would I ever get a name on me? Maybe if it was my kids or flesh and blood, but thats about it. I do not think your insane to not want to get her name on your body. Stuff like that is just asking for trouble. If she can't respect that, then maybe shes just not the woman for you.
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Whatever it is, it makes me feel uncomfortable. We're not living together and are not planning to anytime soon. Because of this, I find her getting a tatoo is just abit weird. You two are not living together, yet getting a tatoo could be her way of showing you in her heart 'you are forever' in her life. Another thing is, whatever her illness is, will the tatoo affect her in a negative way if she gets one? Also, she has kids to think about, as do you...Not that you need to be an old stick in the mud, it's just what affect will it have on them.
ratingsguy Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I think if she wants to get a tattoo that symbolizes your relationship in some way, I don't see a problem with that. I would have a problem with her telling me that I should do it too. I don't think you were wrong in telling her that it's not the best idea. But you are forgetting something... men think logically... but women think emotionally. So it doesn't surprise me that she got upset with you... but once the fog clears in her head she should understand where you're coming from... hopefully.
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