thatmatt Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 So I've been out of a relationship for a little over 2 months, and have had my share of ups and downs. I've been able to stay busy, but tonight, I committed the sin of looking at her facebook. She messaged me about a week ago, after 2 weeks NC, telling me she could talk about the relationship now if I wanted, and still cared about me and wanted to remain friends. I messaged back, saying it was best to leave things done, and I couldn't be her friend, because I'm in a very vulnerable and lonely place right now, and could very easily lean on her. She replied back with "I still care about you, and that's all I wanted to say. I think that's all I wanted to say" like she was trying to leave me wondering. A message gave me access to view her page (we aren't friends on anything, and have no way of contact), and tonight I got curious and looked, and now I'm in the middle of an anxiety attack! It's nearly impossible for me to keep myself busy, as I don't have many friends and am moving out of state in a few months to transfer colleges, so until then I'm riding it out. But it's hard for me not to get anxiety when I think about how great everything for her is, and now i'm back to the phase where I want the world to know what a horrible person she is. I want people she calls friends to know what she said about them behind their backs, If her family knew what she really felt about them, how much she hated them last year, If people knew what she did to me, how she treated me. I'm back to this negative place, She looks so happy in all these pictures, but I know a lot of things are just for spite, she's always been a spiteful person when she gets hurt to protect herself and not accept that she did things wrong too. I hate obsessing about her, I hate that I take things like noticing she's put on weight to convince myself that shes not doing so great either, I tell myself someday she'll get hers, that someday I'll be truly happy and she'll be all alone, that someday she'll come back and apologize to me, that she'll learn something from all this, but I know she wont, I am seen as the bad guy by so many people, and she is such a self centered person that she can't be the cause of something bad, and will do anything to avoid it. Im tempted to turn into the crazy ex boyfriend who calls her and yells like hell at her, it's just wearing on me right now. I won't contact her, because i'm a better than that, it's just so unfair that way. I know I'm bitching a whole lot, but I really don't have a lot of people to talk to, and I really just need a place to vent this stuff. Sometimes recently I find myself missing her, thinking I made a mistake, and then I get angry at myself. That bitch took so many things away from me that I have to battle for every single day to regain, I used to be such a calm, happy, caring, loving person, and I know I still have those qualities, but I have to work so entirely hard for them now, it's this exhausting battle that I feel like I can't win. I'm sorry for the long post, I'm just having a bad time coping, now I have doubts about whether I'll be able to sleep tonight, I keep convincing myself that things for me will look up soon, but I really just don't know sometimes.
magichands Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 , that someday I'll be truly happy and she'll be all alone, Well, there is plenty of room in this world for you both to be happy. Look after yourself, dude. Thinking about her is wasted energy. If it's not amusing you, or relaxing you, or bettering you, then piss it out the window. Careful about taking my advice too literally.
oppath Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I feel for you brah! If my ex hadn't pushed for friends the first couple weeks, subsequent drama would be avoided. Don't give in to compulsions to say anything to her friends. I was juvenile. Because my ex went over the line, I did too. Then I end up apologizing to her friends because I wanted to maintain those relationships. Big mistakes. Cut yourself off from her completely. This includes her friends and anything associated from her. I have mutual friends with my ex and it's tough because people have chosen sides or are accused of choosing sides. I'm trying to maintain friends with some of them but it's not working, because in order to maintain friendships, I have to say "some of these people have animosity towards me; I made a mistake, I hope you are cool." It digs the hole deeper. So I'm cutting myself off. No associations for at least 6 months. You need to do the same. No contact. No talking to her friends. Don't give in to that urge. Don't try to explain to them what she did to you out of spite or to make them become your friend. Don't do it. Walk away. In the meantime, I'd suggest going to your counseling center. It should be free at your college.
Author thatmatt Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 thanks for the advice. Oppath, I have been seeing a counseler, and have been doing better as a result. This is the first time in a few weeks I've become overwhelmed with anxiety and anger. I don't really come in physical contact with her friends in situations that are bad for me, it's just things like facebook, which i'm on less and less, and i've completely removed everything that reminds me of her, but she's still not out of mind. This is probably the most i've regressed in a while, a month and a half ago I would've called her and taken it out on her, and embarassed myself, but I've come a long way since then. I even sent out letters to her family and friends, saying I appreciated their friendships and wished them the best, really to make up for acting like a dick to my ex. This is just a weak moment, one of many, and i'm sure there will be more to come, sometimes they just seem worse than others.
oppath Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I even sent out letters to her family and friends, saying I appreciated their friendships and wished them the best, really to make up for acting like a dick to my ex. I hope that worked for you. It's had the opposite affect on me. Though I am 27 and people have expected me to not act like a dick in the first place.
taylor Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Hi thatmatt, You opened old wounds by looking at your ex-girlfriend's facebook. And now you are hurting so bad that you want to lash back at the source of your pain and get revenge. You can call her and act like a crazy ex-boyfriend and you can call her friends and badmouth her. That may make you feel good for about a minute and then you'll feel lousy about yourself for days, weeks, etc... The best revenge is a life lived well. You said you used to be a happy, loving, caring person before she stole that from you. Don't you dare let her take that from you. Steal it back! Focus on YOU, not her. Do whatever you need to do to become that happy, loving, caring person again. Once you do, you won't care whether she is happy or not.
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