McFadden Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I know this girl who just got broken up with by her boyfriend. She then proceeded to post a Myspace bulletin (for those who don't have Myspace, a bulletin is a letter posted to all of your friends) entitled "(His name) read this" and the content of it was an around 3 page long letter to him that was basically saying that they are meant to be together, she is in love with him and always will be, and someday he will realize he made a mistake. In addition to that, there was a lot of odd and personal information that really has no relevance to anyone besides them. I understand wanting to write 'that final letter' to the ex and all (even though that in itself is usually a bad move), but why would going public with it accomplish anything or sooth anyone? I was going to reply telling her "hey, just to let you know this site has a private message feature." But obviously she knows and she posted it publicly for some reason, I just don't understand it. Has anyone else participated in/seen extremely embarrassing dumpee behavior like that? What is this need to draw attention to the situation? That's the last thing I would want to do.
ruby_gloom Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 A few weeks ago, the 10 o'clock news featured a short story of sorts about an annonymous man putting up large banners ontop of a a bridge that goes over one of the busiest freeways around here. If you travel on that freeway, you can't miss it. The banners had different messages every day, ranging from "I'm sorry" to "It didn't mean anything" to "I love you Jenny". Given the content, it was speculated that this man was trying to let his (ex?)SO know that he was sorry for having cheated on her and that he loved--in short, he has probably looking for another chance. What your friend did might have been different, but perhaps the cause was the same: she wanted another chance and she figured that if she displayed her love for him publicly, he would be moved by her actions. Maybe she thought that he was going to be awed by her going to "such lengths" to show his love for him; that if she was willing to go public and face possible embarrassment, then she must really love him, so she deserves a second chance. It's romanticism gone bad, imo. I personally wouldn't do it because I would be too embarrassed to do something like that. However, this is not to suggest that I haven't done worse.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Perhaps she's proving something to the ex. Maybe he had some difficulty with her inability to publically express her affection for him. Maybe she's trying to shame him into getting back with her. No one knows except the sender.
Author McFadden Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 Yeah, maybe she is trying to prove to him that she really loves him and doesn't care about embarrassment. If he takes her back, maybe I will try the same thing. I already have nothing to lose
oppath Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Have I been that guy? I've gotten friends involved in the drama with my ex and it is embarrassing. I regret it. All I can do now is walk away.
Cossette4 Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 One of my good guy friends dated this girl for about 3 months OVER TWO YEARS AGO and since he broke up with her, she continues to post her thoughts about the breakup on her online public journal. Her journal is filled with other stuff going on in her life, but still, about once a month, she will discuss how she's still not over it and will address him by name and pretend like they had some huge (or at least recent) romance. And then she will conclude with painful song lyrics or dramatic love quotes. I occasionally check it from time or time and I'm just like....whoa. Sometimes I'll call my guy friend and leave him voice messages where I will recite verbatim the journal entry to him and then be like "Yep...thought you'd like to know she's stilllllll at it." I think she goes public b/c it's her only way of reaching him?
Icantletgo Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Did ya'll hear about the man who put dvds of his ex gf in sexual acts all over the city? He put the dvds on the windshields of random parked cars. Had videos of her in sex acts and her name and address!
ratingsguy Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I don't understand "going public" in order to regain someone's affections. If I were the dumper or the dumpee, I think I'd be pretty embarrassed. On the other hand, I would propose marriage publicly (if I knew she wouldn't be embarrassed by it). I'm a radio disc jockey, so I would probably do it on the air somehow.
loveratud Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Whether they realize it or not, it's a guilt play. By publicly displaying how much you love someone, you can make everyone they know lay guilt on them for leaving you.
boshemia Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 Anytime someone I know gets dumped I always caution against "the letter" I mean write it if you must just to get the feelings out, but never ever give it to them... they tend to come back to haunt you in terrible ways. Now in this case, she not only wrote it, but made it highly public. OUCH, I predict that this will come back to bite her in the @$$ in a very big way! There is something to be said about letting go of the past gracefully. I made a fool out of myself a few times over guys, but man... by the time I was 18, when a guy said it was over I believed him.
oppath Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I've sent letters in response to my ex when she upset me, and it has bit me in the ass! Who knew, that responding to the dumper's request to be **** buddies 2 weeks after she dumped me would make me an ass. I mean, I guess it was long, but is it really mean to call her selfish? Now I'm a big advocate of NO letters and NO contact. I made things much worse -- I can't take all of the responsibility because if she hadn't lied to me, and she hadn't asked to be **** buddies -- I would have never reacted. But I've embarrassed myself in the eyes of her mutual friends. There's no going back to that really, so I'm cutting myself off from all things associated with her. All things. And to be honest, she asked for FWB when I politely declined a group email invitation to party, saying it was too soon because my feelings didn't fade in 2 weeks and that if we are to be friends, it would be several months down the line. Her response: "that's cool. do you still want to have sex?" I ALMOST replied to everyone on the list telling her off for it. I didn't. My initial response was a bit crass but the basic message was "I deserve more than that. You don't get to have my cock ever again." Her response, instead of "I'm sorry", was "I was just joking." It set me off. No letters, ever. Write them by hand, pencil and paper if you write them.
Art_Critic Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I made things much worse Yeppers.. I think we all have.. I'm in my 40's and I have been known to make things worse after the breakup before.. We all make breakup mistakes because we listen to our hearts and we are hurting. Our past baggage also plays a role in that as well...and I don't only mean relationship baggage.. Sometimes past loss of family/friends and pets can cause us to react on a breakup. I have reacted poorly becuase I was tired of losing people in my life that meant something to me... I learned the hardway..
oppath Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 The important thing to remember if you do make a mistake...it IS OK. Yes, we ALL have been there. In all objectivity, it was my ex's mistakes that hurt me so much that led to my reaction. It's taken me 4 weeks, I've finally decided to not care anymore. I can't mend fences with her or her closer friends, so it's not even worth seeing the mutual friends who like me at the moment. If someone pisses you off, it is OK to tell them off. It is. Sometimes in life that is what you have to do. I have zero regrets about what I said to my ex when she asked to be FWB. She belittled me and made me feel completely used. I needed to say things. She needed to hear them. That does not make me a bad person or an ******* even if her friends think I am. No one knows how they would have reacted unless they had the same emotions and where in the same situation. You can embarass yourself and lose dignity, but at feel crappy about how you've acted, but at some point you need to stop caring. Having a weak moment does not make you weak. Acting like an ass once in response to painful information does not make you an ass. We've all had those moments. When relationships end, it is important to understand someone is hurt and they will think and potentially act irrational. People have moments of weakness. I'm big on forgiving people in these situations ESPECIALLY if the dumper lied to the dumpee and the dumpee finds out. You pretty much have to expect rage being expressed within 24 hours of someone feeling betrayed. A few angry words are no big deal. They aren't that bad. In the grand scheme of things, I'm very compassionate towards people who flip out. If I reverse my own situation, I'd fully expect to be reamed from my ex if I told her I loved her, thought she was the one, and would never leave her, only to break up claiming "I need to find myself, it's not you it's me" followed 2 weeks later by "can we still have sex." As a guy, I'd be considered a cowardly ass for not telling the truth, and the worlds biggest douche for asking to be FWB. I'd expect to be reamed. So in my situation, I have lots of compassion for myself. And I have compassion for others too. Break ups rarely go well. That's part of life. Any embarrassing behavior is not grounds for hatred or burned bridges. People in pain react irrationally.
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