Guest Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 I was in a relationship for many years with MM. The first several years where just sex and friendship. The last couple of years my feelings grew and I feel in love....I never asked him to leave home for me yet it was like a fantasy. I never displayed my hurt or anger over him not calling or coming to see me yet it boiled inside....every time I saw him again I just brushed it aside and was on cloud nine for a day or two and then I realized that I was just sex to him..... I know I should have seen it alot sooner but I guess I was clouded with love. I got so sick of him calling and acting all interested and concerned about me so he could come over and have sex yet afterwards I wouldnt here from him for a week or two. Every now and then he would stay in close contact but then would pull back. This could get long so I will just cut to the question. Last week I decided out of the clear blue that I deserved better treatment than this and just broke it off just like that. He called last Thursday and I was very blunt and stern that I wasnt feeling fulfilled and expected more and that things just wasnt working for me anymore. He really didnt have alot to say and I swear I could hear the hurt in his voice and he took a few deep breaths....anyway am I odd for wanting him to call and try to get back with me? Sometimes I feel a smile on my face because I'm so proud that I stood up for myself and demanded respect...something I have never done in my life and then sometimes I ache inside and feel like I lost my best friend Has anyone else experienced this? Will he call me? I'm so scared he will call after a couple of weeks and it will only be for sex and I will get weak and give in. If he cared for me wouldnt he have called already?
overandout Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Guest what you are experiencing is entirely normal and you are not alone. No two affairs are the same but your mm displays some of my xmm's behaviour. I too had a long term affair and frequently he would not phone me for a week or ten days after he had come over and had sex. Like you I didn't say too much because I didn't want to nag and I wanted him to phone because he wanted to speak to me not because I expected it. But most of his phone calls were to arrange a time to meet up. If we saw alot of each other in one week, he would withdraw the next few weeks as if to say, don't get any big ideas that this is going anywhere. I preferred to interpret it that he was getting too involved and reliant on me, so he pulled away. Sometimes he would just disappear for weeks on end with no contact. Well your mm wasn't expecting the phone call and I think that you are worried he won't call and maybe you wish that you had discussed it with him in person. It came as a bolt out of the blue and maybe he didn't know how you were feeling. This is called d day and you have made your wishes known. He will go away and reflect on it but I doubt that he will end his marriage going on past behaviour. He may leave it a while and try and sweet talk his way back into your affections but this will just delay the ending of the affair. You think he is just after sex and his sporadic communication with you suggests the same. Your instinct is probably correct. That is why you got frustrated with him. I think you feel you have pushed him away, but if he was after an honest and real relationship with you he will be back to talk to you. When I don't know. But he isn't doing anything that looks as if he is working towards ending his marriage. I wouldn't contact him or he will think you are weak, and he will wait a while and reel you back in. Try and use this as an opportunity to move on because you clearly don't want to be the OW indefinitely.
Jinxx Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 anyway am I odd for wanting him to call and try to get back with me? Sometimes I feel a smile on my face because I'm so proud that I stood up for myself and demanded respect...something I have never done in my life and then sometimes I ache inside and feel like I lost my best friend Has anyone else experienced this? No, you are not odd. Very normal to feel this way. Going through it myself and it is quite painful at times but only have myself to blame. As hard as it is to do, try and put it behind you. You've made the first step by standing up for yourself.
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