lessonlearnt Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Hi, I have been the OW for 4 years and mm has been dithering and making overtures about us being together. If I push for details, he backs away and makes light of it. I am in love with him and it hurts to be treated in this way. So I began thinking that there is nothing real about this relationship--it is built on shakey foundations of lies. If his wife wanted to talk about their marriage, I bet he would listen and not fob her off. The notion of him leaving is just a vague idea that is floated around but it is meaningless. Since I have been thinking like this, there has been a change in the affair and I turned him down one day when he wanted to meet up. I just said I had other plans. Then he left it a few days and phoned me late one night but I was out and so he phoned very early the next morning. But he didn't make any plans to meet up. Then his calls have got fewer and far between so I decided that he was backing away because he could sense that I was questioning the affair. We work for the same company but in different offices. However I have noticed that he has arranged lots of meetings in my offices and he makes a point of coming over and chatting--just small talk. It is weird, it is as if we were only just friends. I can't make him out as I wouldn't go out of my way to seek him out and chat to him. Could it be that he is feeding his ego by just talking to me. It unsettles me and I wish he wouldn't do it. Anyway, yesterday he came by my desk again and everyone was out at lunch. He sat down beside me and really looked me up and down in a very sexually overt manner. Then he said "well I could call you if you want" and I said that he could always come round for a COFFEE and emphasised the coffee. With that his mood changed somewhat and he said good-bye. Is he annoyed with me because I am not being compliant, so he comes round and humiliates me by making it clear he is looking at me in a sexual way or is he just getting his fix by seeing me. I need to make it clear I don't want him to talk to me and I can do this by making a long phone call when he is about to come over. He should soon get the message. There is no future in this as far as I can see but I want to have as little contact as possible as it will help me move on. Do you think he enjoys making me uncomfortable? Why? If he was emotionally involved and gutted about our affair and it was ending, surely he would stay clear of me.
norajane Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 If you haven't told him you want him to stay away from you, he may continue giving it the ole college try just in case you might want to have sex with him some more. Why don't you tell him things are over between you, since that's how you feel?
Jinxx Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Four years is a lot of time to waste. Dump him and move on.
overandout Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 I wouldn't waste any time trying to figure him out-he's just not worth it. He sounds a bit of a creep, likes things his own way and doesn't care a less abou how you might feel. He is not interested in a cup of coffee with you because he equates that with having a chat. He is hoping that if he persists, you will succumb to his charms-- is there is a history of you two splitting up and then reconciling? But the way he goes about it, suggests that he has great confidence in his ability to seduce you. If I were you I would deflate his massive ego and just tell him that as there is no future in it you are moving on. I don't think he will bother you when he knows that all his efforts will be in vain. He just wants a sexual relationhip with you and if you take all prospects of that away, you won't see him for dust.
Guest Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 So he comes over to your desk and doesn't have the decency to look at you as a person but as a sexual object? He sounds like a swell guy. 4 yrs later he knows exactly what he wants.A roll in the hay. You deserve better than this bozo. Pat him on the head and send him home to the wife and find a good single guy.
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