Kenzo Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 If he does end his marriage (when pigs fly) and I'm not in a relationship with someone else at that time and he chooses to contact me then who knows what will happen. . I agree completely, I'm not an X (yet), although it seems it is fast approaching...I think if his situation changed, no matter if I moved on, got married, etc., I think the connection we have will always be there...at this point, as I have said before, I feel like I will be settling for anyone else, I would like to think I'd have him back...I don't think it is so much of a contradiction, as just wishful thinking, and maybe for once having the upperhand in the relationship that had been so one-sided in the past. I've thought about telling his W, but it would be so self-serving, I don't want him in that capacity if he doesn't choose me. Jinxx- I have read so many of your posts...your sadness comes through so clearly...but so does your strength...I admire you, and most of the time, agree with you, but I don't know your whole story. Does he have children? Just wondering how similar our situations are...
Jinxx Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Jinxx- I have read so many of your posts...your sadness comes through so clearly...but so does your strength...I admire you, and most of the time, agree with you, but I don't know your whole story. Does he have children? Just wondering how similar our situations are... Thanks Kenzo! Yes, he has children -- same ages as mine. Our daughters hang out together sometimes. We each have an adult child and ones that are still in high school. Just complicates the situation much more but then again him and I don't talk on the phone, IM or really see other anymore.
Kenzo Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Kids make it so much more difficult. My MM has young children and once mentioned in passing, that if we could wait until they were out of school (that would be ten+ years)...I never responded to that, I don't have kids, not sure I want to have any. What bugs me though is...was he asking me to wait that long? I feel so much guilt when I think of his kids, he works incredibly long hours, not a lot of time for them (or me) as it is but he somehow makes it work... I keep telling myself when I meet someone else, I'll end it, all the while sabotaging any chance of meeting anyone else...I don't really go out anymore. On the nights I don't see him I wait for him to sign on to the IM...pathetic, huh? From what he's told me his W has talked about divorce, he resisits it for fear of seeing his children even less, claims he would be miserable if that were to happen, and I probably would want him in that state of mind... This is what makes me think she should know...maybe she just needs a reason to finally get out, I don't understand how he hasn't been caught so far, he's not all that good at concealing...
torranceshipman Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I do agree with you WhichWayIsUp, there's a real point to what you say... BUT in my case, I'd have been happy for the girlfriend to find out at any point, and if that meant I lost the guy, well I'd have accepted that - just so there was no more lying - and hey, if that made him see what a fool he'd been, and had in fact needed the A to realise that he was already with the 'love of his life' (his girlfriend), realised the mistake of taking her for granted and realised he could never love anyone like he loves her, etc, well, great that I helped him realise that! And I'd have moved on. But sadly...he's just a doucheball and is not actually that interested in his own girlfriend...but he is too weak to leave...bit of a saddo... I know I would have faced a lot of fall out if people did find out about us but again, I was prepared to take that...I actually now really resent the guy for involving me in his lie...the whole premise of the entire 'relationship' we had was that he ASSURED me he was in the process of splitting with his long-term G, and his decision to leave was independent of me, that the split had been a LONG time coming (it had/has, he's just got no balls to do it!) - so the moment I realised we were in an A, I hated it and wanted out. And yes, the W might be going through some tough stuff, but come on here, half the OW on this forum are in therapy for goodness sake, because of how stressful and nasty these A's are, but it seems like anytime is a good time to lie to an OW and treat her like crap, doesn't it? Yes, I know, being an OW is not right, and I do advocate walking away - but AGAIN - I do believe that a lot of OW are very good, trusting people, and are being heavily lied to and manipulated by the MM to keep them around.... As I always say...ultimately, no lying means the A is not possible, which is a good thing in the end for everyone! I also have to say as an aside....thank goodness for this board...if I hadn't had all the good advice from LS, I'd probably still be in the actual miserable A, instead of happily moving on, like I am now!
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