Guest Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Hi, I have just made a fool of myself with a manipulative mm who can never do what he says he will do. I realise he is a manipulator and he takes great delight in not letting me get on with my life. Well I realise that I have to take control over my life but is difficult when someone keeps trying to reel you back in. The affair has been going on for 3 years and I am at the stage where I am beginning to really resent him for leaving in the evening and going back to play happy families. I know that I have my freedom but even when I am out with friends, I wish he was with me. Anyway I can tell that he is avoiding me, as he can sense that I am unhappy and he is a real issue avoider. His phone calls have stopped. Well, I parked outside his house and waited for him to leave and then followed him (he was walking) and then overtook him and made it look as if I was driving by as it is a main road, and it was just a coincidence. He got in he car and I said to him "I cannot understand why you have stopped calling without even giving me an explanation. I deserve better than that". He said that he would call me this week and then he got out the car and continued walking down the road. I wasn't content with that, and after about 5 minutes I caught him up and wound down the window and said "So you will call then?". He looked annoyed this time and said "That's what I said, isn't it", and then I dove off and thought what an idiot I have made of myself. I think he will be thinking how needy and pathetic I am, but I am emotionally involved and he should know that his behaviour is driving me nuts. I am not indifferent towards him. One thing it has done is to make me really back right off now. Do you think I have blown it and driven him even further away?
cbl Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Do you think I have blown it and driven him even further away? Dear Guest, what is it that you like about this manipulative MM? isn't it good that you drove him away so that you can get your sanity back? i wish that i could have put this in a better way... but if you re-read your post, you should understand you are better off without him. i know how much it hurt... but for one time, just this time, no matter how emotionally you are involved with him, do NOT listen to your heart.
herenow Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Who's being manipulative here? You stalk him and then play games and pretend you were "just driving by". You follow him and hound him with questions and you don't see why he is avoiding you? What about "being married" don't you understand?
overandout Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Well, I think he knows that you want to talk with him and I am guessing that he hasn't got anything to say that you want to hear. Just "let's continue the affair" and he knows you won't be content with that. Your behaviour will just reinforce that you haven't moved on and he may try "his luck" in the future by contacting you and he may leave it for a bit longer because he will let you stew for a bit. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. As you put him on the spot, he may call you the following week just to show that he is the controller in this affair. But no I don't think you have blown it for good by your behaviour. It's not like you are ringing his door bell during a family sunday lunch! But as cb1 said, you should be grateful that he's not calling and try and move on because it doesn't look as if he is leaving home for you.
Guest Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Who's being manipulative here? You stalk him and then play games and pretend you were "just driving by". You follow him and hound him with questions and you don't see why he is avoiding you? What about "being married" don't you understand? This is the first time I have ever done this so it could easily be a coincidence. He wasn't caling before I "bumped" into him so I don't understand your point. I am trying to get him to talk to me even if it is to say "Bye-bye". What is the problem with that after a 3 year affair? Not much to ask for.
Guest Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Who's being manipulative here? You stalk him and then play games and pretend you were "just driving by". You follow him and hound him with questions and you don't see why he is avoiding you? What about "being married" don't you understand? Herenow--A bit more information might assist so you know it is not one way traffic. In the last few weeks mm has been coming to an intenet cafe that he knows I go to. Despite there being several empty computer terminals, he always sits next to me and a couple of times I have logged out early and left. Why isn't he avoiding me instead of saying "I'll give you a call"? It doesn't add up. It is as if he is taunting me by sitting right beside me and then not bothering to call. Does this change your advice?
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 I have just made a fool of myself with a manipulative mm who can never do what he says he will do. I realise he is a manipulator and he takes great delight in not letting me get on with my life. Well I realise that I have to take control over my life but is difficult when someone keeps trying to reel you back in. Get yourself to a therapist so you can be stronger and take that control back in your life. You are WELL aware that he manipulates you! The only way to stop that is to STOP thinking about him and stop following him around. By doing that, you're enabling his behaviour. The affair has been going on for 3 years and I am at the stage where I am beginning to really resent him for leaving in the evening and going back to play happy families. I know that I have my freedom but even when I am out with friends, I wish he was with me. But, you knew going into your affair with him, he was married!! Take responsibility for your own actions and part in this affair. You are the OW, that is all. Sorry to sound harsh, but your wish is not going to come true. If he loved you enough, and wanted to be with you forever, he would do all that is necessary to end his marriage and be with you. His actions, his words are showing you he doesn't want that. However, I'm sure when he feels like company, an ego feed, he'll gladly step back into your life, on HIS terms, not yours. Anyway I can tell that he is avoiding me, as he can sense that I am unhappy and he is a real issue avoider. His phone calls have stopped. That's because (sorry again, but you need to hear it and see the reality of WHO your MM is) he really doesn't care enough. He is avoiding you because he doesn't want to deal with your emotions and what you are feeling. It's drama, not fun for him at all so that is why he's avoiding you. Well, I parked outside his house and waited for him to leave and then followed him (he was walking) and then overtook him and made it look as if I was driving by as it is a main road, and it was just a coincidence. I'm sure he knew you were following him... He got in he car and I said to him "I cannot understand why you have stopped calling without even giving me an explanation. I deserve better than that". He said that he would call me this week and then he got out the car and continued walking down the road. His actions, once again, are telling you that he isn't inlove with you, he doesn't respect you, nor does he want to "hear" what you have to say. He put you off by saying he'd call you...I doubt he'll call you. Sorry.. I wasn't content with that, and after about 5 minutes I caught him up and wound down the window and said "So you will call then?". He looked annoyed this time and said "That's what I said, isn't it", and then I dove off and thought what an idiot I have made of myself. I think he will be thinking how needy and pathetic I am, but I am emotionally involved and he should know that his behaviour is driving me nuts. I am not indifferent towards him. One thing it has done is to make me really back right off now. The more you push him, the more he is going to head for the hills and RUN the other way. You're chasing a MM who honestly, is acting like he wants NOTHING to do with you. So, stop! Leave him alone. He is married, you're too emotionally involved, he knows it and doesn't care at all what it is doing to you. You can make it stop by leaving him alone, and heal yourself. Get a therapist to help you cope with this...If you don't leave him alone and you continue to go after him, you will always feel like crap, feel used and unloved. Do you think I have blown it and driven him even further away? He was never "yours" to begin with. What is it that you really want? Him to leave his wife and be with you? Or do you want to take YOUR life back and be happy? End this affair, tell him to take a hike, that you no longer want to see/talk to him ever again.
norajane Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 He could have talked to you while in the car, but he chose to leave and say he'll 'call you'. Even if he weren't married, that sounds like a huge brush-off to me...that's what guys do to get away - they say they'll call and you never hear from them again. He doesn't want to talk to you, especially not in person, and I doubt even by phone. I don't know why, after 3 years, he won't even have a conversation with you telling you it's over...but, do you really need an explanation? His actions are speaking louder than words here. Pay attention and don't waste more years of your life on a man who will never be yours, though I don't know why you would even want this particular man considering how he treats you.
overandout Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Herenow--A bit more information might assist so you know it is not one way traffic. In the last few weeks mm has been coming to an intenet cafe that he knows I go to. Despite there being several empty computer terminals, he always sits next to me and a couple of times I have logged out early and left. Why isn't he avoiding me instead of saying "I'll give you a call"? It doesn't add up. It is as if he is taunting me by sitting right beside me and then not bothering to call. Does this change your advice? Ok Guest, that's a bit more information which makes it a bit clearer that there is something else going on. Don't feel bad about what happened--we have all done similar things and regretted them. You are human and in love but DON'T do it again! I think that he is probably getting a fix from seeing you and that is Ok when it is a public place like the internet cafe. You aren't going to have a heart to heart in a public place. But when he got in your car, he was cornered and panicked and felt like he was trapped--that's why he didn't hang around. I would say that as he going to the inernet cafe he is still involved with you BUT that doesn't mean he is going to leave home for you. It just means that he gets his fix out of seeing you and chatting--he isn't sleeping with you, but it is enough to see you. This is helping him but not you. It is stopping you from moving on and if you can, vary your movements. Go to the internet cafe at a different time if you can or, even better, go to another cafe. If you do this he will wonder where you are and you aren't being predictable. I am not saying he will come chasing after you, but it will help you to heal by not seeing him. He will also get the message that you are not going to play his little ego boosting game. If you want to get answers from him (and I'm not saying you will), you are more likely to get them by distancing yourself and avoiding him. In the same way that you panicked and wanted answers from him, he may have those same feelings if you are not where he thinks you will or should be. He will have some respect for you that you are acting with some dignity in this situation. He really hasn't treated you very well in my opinion. But the main thing is that it will help YOU, and it is about time that you thought about yourself and less about him.
lessonlearnt Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 This man is bad news. He likes the fact you are intersted and that is why he sits beside you in the internet cafe. It is giving him a big thrill and ego boost to know that he can flirt with you. But when it gets a bit more serious and you want a one on one discusion, then he runs. This speaks volumes. He is possibly hoping that he can soften you up and you will fall back into the affair. He is going beyond "being polite" when he sits beside you. So I guess he is saying that the serious stuff has to stop but he might be interested if you just want sex in the future. He is also probably annoyed that you have rocked the boat and is punishing you and messing with your head, so you don't know what is what. The guessing game is feeding your addiction. Surprise him by avoiding him. He will expect you to continue feeding your addiction to him, by turning up at the cafe.If you ignore him it will irritate him at the very least as he likes being attention as long as you dont get heavy. Send him a message that mind games are boring, you're not playing anymore and that you have got better things to do. I wouldn't want this man's attention but if you do, by not going to the cafe shows that you aren't interested in a purely sexual relationship and he will know that you are serious. Of course he may just give up and you may never hear from him again. But would that be such a bad thing?
sweettalker Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 The more you hang around and chase him the more he knows he has you in his grip and can pick you up and drop you whenever he wants. Do you really want him to leave his wife?? and if he did and you got together as a proper couple how would you feel you'd have trust issues with him because you know he was more than willing to see someone else while married and you thinking like that isn't a good base for a relationship. You need to cut all ways of contact and get on with your life, it may be hard to begin with but then aren't all relationships when they come to an end??? You'll soon feel better and realise how much you're worth and it will make you a stronger person.
Guest Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 The more you hang around and chase him the more he knows he has you in his grip and can pick you up and drop you whenever he wants. Do you really want him to leave his wife?? and if he did and you got together as a proper couple how would you feel you'd have trust issues with him because you know he was more than willing to see someone else while married and you thinking like that isn't a good base for a relationship. You need to cut all ways of contact and get on with your life, it may be hard to begin with but then aren't all relationships when they come to an end??? You'll soon feel better and realise how much you're worth and it will make you a stronger person. Yes, I think you are right. He likes knowing that I am emotionally hooked and this gives him reassurance that he can (or rather thinks he can) just pick up the phone and I'll be there. I admit that I have made myself too available for him throughout the affair. If I say I can't make it, he really doesn't like it. It has to be on HIS terms and his terms only. He will probably leave me alone for quite a while now, but guess what, after reading the posts on this forum, I am ready to move on with my life. I know he will be down the internet cafe today and I am staying well away. This may sound weird, but I had to go as low as I did (chasing after him and being needy and humiliating myself) in order to start the upward climb to regain my self respect and sanity. I hope he does phone, and I will have pleasure in telling him that I am fine and that as he is happily married man, he really shouldn't be phoning up other women.
addicted2love Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 ...herenow.... as an xOW I can see exactly what would drive "guest" to the desperation of tracking him down and demanding answers. ..my xMM did the same thing...filled my head with bullsh*t...made promises he didn't keep...made me believe that there was a future and then took it all back by saying..."I don't want to give you any false hopes." I too believed every word he said, these men treat you like a goddess and then pull the rug out from under you when you actually fall in love with them and start to believe their crap! If you've never been in the situation it's very hard to understand how the OW can't just walk away. Most OW are fully aware that they are being manipulated...however it's a very rude awakening and we tend to believe that if it was so good in the beginning it can be good again. It doesn't help when we try to be strong and go NC (like I have) and he realizes he's got to do something to keep you around so he starts promising to call again...says he misses you, needs to figure things out and all of the other crap that continues to give you false hope. Everyone has their limit or breaking point for dealing with this crap. Some of us take longer than others to get there. But it's the getting there that is the hardest part. There are so many ups and downs on the way to moving on. It isn't easy and it absolutely sucks to be pulled in and pushed away like a damn yo-yo. These manipulative MM should be strung up by their toes...not just for what they do to their W's but also for what they do to the OW. I believe that OW get hurt just as bad as the W in the situation of an A. Just MHO. A2L
Guest Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 ...herenow.... as an xOW I can see exactly what would drive "guest" to the desperation of tracking him down and demanding answers. ..my xMM did the same thing...filled my head with bullsh*t...made promises he didn't keep...made me believe that there was a future and then took it all back by saying..."I don't want to give you any false hopes." I too believed every word he said, these men treat you like a goddess and then pull the rug out from under you when you actually fall in love with them and start to believe their crap! If you've never been in the situation it's very hard to understand how the OW can't just walk away. Most OW are fully aware that they are being manipulated...however it's a very rude awakening and we tend to believe that if it was so good in the beginning it can be good again. It doesn't help when we try to be strong and go NC (like I have) and he realizes he's got to do something to keep you around so he starts promising to call again...says he misses you, needs to figure things out and all of the other crap that continues to give you false hope. Everyone has their limit or breaking point for dealing with this crap. Some of us take longer than others to get there. But it's the getting there that is the hardest part. There are so many ups and downs on the way to moving on. It isn't easy and it absolutely sucks to be pulled in and pushed away like a damn yo-yo. These manipulative MM should be strung up by their toes...not just for what they do to their W's but also for what they do to the OW. I believe that OW get hurt just as bad as the W in the situation of an A. Just MHO. A2L Thanks Addicted to love--you understand what I am going through and how I could have been driven to do what I did even though it wasn't the smartest move I've ever hard. Anyway logic and smart moves go out the window when emotions are involved. I'm not sure if WWIU or Herenow have been in our position. If he only had the courage to tell me, I would have been upset, but I would have accepted it and moved on as best I could. But all this messing with my mind especially when he knows how fragile I am, is nothing short of emotional torture. Anyway I have hit rock bottom now, and standing back a bit, I can see how he manipulated me and I allowed it, but it was all bound up with things he was saying to me which kept me in the affair, and led me to believe there could be a future. There is another thread about telling the bs, but if he messes with another OW's emotions, I can see her telling the w, and in all honesty the OW would have my sympathy. That would be the last thing he would want. Maybe the answer is that because the mm is so shallow he can't imagine what it is like to be so involved and in love. So he messes with your mind but doesn't want to, or doesn't know how to, deal with the fall out that he has caused. Or maybe he just doesn't care. Anyway I am going to pick myself up, dust myself off and walk away with my dignity (what's left of it) in tact.
addicted2love Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Thanks Addicted to love--you understand what I am going through and how I could have been driven to do what I did even though it wasn't the smartest move I've ever hard. Anyway logic and smart moves go out the window when emotions are involved. I'm not sure if WWIU or Herenow have been in our position. If he only had the courage to tell me, I would have been upset, but I would have accepted it and moved on as best I could. But all this messing with my mind especially when he knows how fragile I am, is nothing short of emotional torture. Anyway I have hit rock bottom now, and standing back a bit, I can see how he manipulated me and I allowed it, but it was all bound up with things he was saying to me which kept me in the affair, and led me to believe there could be a future. There is another thread about telling the bs, but if he messes with another OW's emotions, I can see her telling the w, and in all honesty the OW would have my sympathy. That would be the last thing he would want. Maybe the answer is that because the mm is so shallow he can't imagine what it is like to be so involved and in love. So he messes with your mind but doesn't want to, or doesn't know how to, deal with the fall out that he has caused. Or maybe he just doesn't care. Anyway I am going to pick myself up, dust myself off and walk away with my dignity (what's left of it) in tact. I seriously don't know what's wrong with these men....I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he's shallow and cowardly.... Mine was too...my xMM was an old boyfriend that I was madly in love with years ago...he looked me up out of the blue and said he was still in love with me never got over me...etc. I still felt the same way about him. I tried hard to resist it at first because I knew it could end badly but the more he led me to believe we should have stayed together and that we both married the wrong people the more I fell back in love. He even went so far as telling me he wanted to marry me and have a child with me. He talked about moving back home (where I live) and starting a new life with me. I bought it all...I go back and forth between thinking he really thought he wanted that and just didn't know how to get it or what to do about it...and feeling like it was all bullsh*t. I still don't know...he won't let me go and still emails once in a while w/ I still love you, can't get over you, I"m so depressed..I miss you soo much blah blah blah. Yet he will not call me. His W found out we were talking on the phone and I haven't heard his voice in months...even though he keeps saying he will "try" to call. I just quit responding to his emails and stopped sending him any. He started all of this and doesn't have the b*lls to finish it and let me go or figure out how to be with me. My heart says he's torn but my head says he's full of sh*t! Either way this has really done a number on me emotionally and I just couldn't take it any more. NC has been helpful to keep the emotional roller coaster at bay. Hang in there...I know it's tough.
Guest Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Blimey Addictedtolove, what a story. I know what you mean about whether they are genuinely confused and in turmoil about what they want to do, or is it all crap calculated to stop us moving on. My mm (actually I must call him xmm) told me that he had one affair 5 years before me, but that he called a halt to it becaue he didn't love her. So I thought he continued with me for so long because he was actually emotionally involved with me. AND he is capable of ending an affair! You may not want to hear it, but I think your xmm is involved with you but in the end he just couldn't, or should I say, WOULDN'T take the step to be with you. It doesn't help you I know, because the end result is that he's not with you. They just have no concept of what all their confused words and actions do to our emotions. It's worse if they lead you to think that you are that close to them choosing to be with you. Still, glad that your NC is helping you and showing him that enough is enough. As you say, we all have our breaking points and mine has arrived.
herenow Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I'm always amazed when an OW is upset when the MM treats them poorly. You have entered into a relationship with a person that you know is already treating his wife with complete disrespect. Why are you at all surprised that he has no respect for you? You say you resent the fact that he goes home to his family. If you didn't want to be with someone that is married and has a family why would you make the choice to put yourself in that position?
Guest Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 I'm always amazed when an OW is upset when the MM treats them poorly. You have entered into a relationship with a person that you know is already treating his wife with complete disrespect. Why are you at all surprised that he has no respect for you? You say you resent the fact that he goes home to his family. If you didn't want to be with someone that is married and has a family why would you make the choice to put yourself in that position? So are you saying that all mm who have affairs have no respect for anyone or just their wives and OW? MM's children are usually caught up in their lies when an affair is being conducted. Does that mean that they don't respect them either? Could it not be the case they they have fallen out of love with their wives and are seeking intimacy outside the marriage, because it cannot be rekindled inside the marriage. Ok so my xmm wasn't leaving his family, but some people do. However all those affairs started off with the mm cheating with the OW and so you would say that mm had no respect for her, yet he ended up leaving his family to be with her. I am just saying that things are not so cut and dried when you are embroiled in an affair, and you have to experience one to appreciate the turmoil that everyone involved experiences.
norajane Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 Could it not be the case they they have fallen out of love with their wives and are seeking intimacy outside the marriage, because it cannot be rekindled inside the marriage. Isn't that disrespectful? Cheating is not the default answer to marital problems. Either you deal with the problems by discussing the issues with the spouse and try working on them, or make a decision to leave. But sneaking around, lying, and cheating on somene is never the respectful way to deal with issues.
herenow Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 So are you saying that all mm who have affairs have no respect for anyone or just their wives and OW? MM's children are usually caught up in their lies when an affair is being conducted. Does that mean that they don't respect them either? Could it not be the case they they have fallen out of love with their wives and are seeking intimacy outside the marriage, because it cannot be rekindled inside the marriage. Ok so my xmm wasn't leaving his family, but some people do. However all those affairs started off with the mm cheating with the OW and so you would say that mm had no respect for her, yet he ended up leaving his family to be with her. I am just saying that things are not so cut and dried when you are embroiled in an affair, and you have to experience one to appreciate the turmoil that everyone involved experiences. Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. The MM is disrespecting everyone involved including himself. If the love is gone from the marriage and the MM decides that he wants to move on to someone else, doesn't the wife deserve the right to choose whether or not she wants to stay married to a man who is having a relationship with an OW? Who gave MM the right to make the choice to stay in the marriage for whatever reason, be it the kids, finances or some other excuse that he has come up with? Maybe the wife wants the chance to go out and find true love for herself. The MM owes it to the wife to be honest about what he is doing so that she can make the choice to do what she wants with her life. Yes, 100% of the time when the MM lies and goes out and has an affair with an OW, he is being disrespectful. Ask any BW and I'm sure she won't tell you that she feels her husband was being respectful while he was having sex with an OW. Unless of course they have an open marriage, but in that case he's not lying now is he.
woe_is_me Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 "I cannot understand why you have stopped calling without even giving me an explanation. I deserve better than that". I remember emailing MM and demanding an EXPLANATION in caps .. thats how drawn in he had me back then.. he emailed me back saying he didn't owe me any explanation and that he wasn't insensitive and that he cared too much bla bla bla about everyone W included.. that was one of his last emails to me. We didn't meet online but he sure milked the internet for all it was worth in regards to keeping the A going. This guy has strung u along for 3 years..that is going to take a lot of time to get past ...if u ever do..like the other wiser posters i can only suggest therapy.. When MM ended our affair i was a mess for around 12 months .. i remember driving to his house at 4 am one morning he lived 90 mins drive away.. (60 mins for him coz he had a fast car and drove like a maniac..) this was after about 2 months of NC.. and i'd been out with girlfriends in the city ...which was 3/4 the way to his place.. i got lost out in some industrial area where you really wouldn't want your car to break down.. i can only laugh now at my stupidity but this is what they do to your mind. i also called his cell phone after around 12 months of NC only to be hung up on. So i dont know why he would call me after four years to stirr me up..when he knows how hard it was for me to let go...they don't care and its really just sick how they play with emotions.. Good Luck to you ..and be good to yourself.. you deserve better.
woe_is_me Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 ..my xMM did the same thing...filled my head with bullsh*t...made promises he didn't keep...made me believe that there was a future and then took it all back by saying..."I don't want to give you any false hopes." I too believed every word he said, these men treat you like a goddess and then pull the rug out from under you when you actually fall in love with them and start to believe their crap! A2L "i dont want to give you any false hopes." was exactly wat mm told me! God do these guys have a manual or something!!? The feelings you describe Addicted are EXACTLY how i felt. I used to sook that he had swept me off my feet then dropped me from mid air.
addicted2love Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 "i dont want to give you any false hopes." was exactly wat mm told me! God do these guys have a manual or something!!? The feelings you describe Addicted are EXACTLY how i felt. I used to sook that he had swept me off my feet then dropped me from mid air. Yep...I know the feeling. I think they do have a manual. I think it's called "How to be a manipulative pr*ck and make a woman fall in love with you." From everything I've read on LS sounds like it's already a best seller!
Guest Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 After about a year of the affair, I said we should end it because it wasn't going anywhere and he was OK about it, and said that he could see how it wasn't fair on me. As he got out the car he said he would call me next week and I looked at him very hard and said "Good-bye". All this saying he would call me--it is like he wants the last word or he wasn't listening. 5 months later and I was getting on with my life, he phones me at work out of the blue. I remember my heart jumped because I thought he had made a choice but he only wanted to resume the affair because he asked to meet me for a few hours after work but he couldn't stay long. I was upset and this was in an open plan office. He asked if he could call me at home--that was only to find out if I had someone else. I told him I was busy at work and had to go to a meeting. 2 weeks later I found out that he had gone to my place of work, twice, to meet a male colleague for lunch, but he hadn't phoned me on my cell. I happened to be on vacation for those 2 days but he didn't know that--it was as if he was taunting me or maybe hoping to see me so he could give me the brushoff. Of course it played with my mind and I contacted and resumed the affair--if only I had ignored him I would have walked away then, and saved much more heartache. That is why I really resent him for phoning me when he had nothing more to offer me. He knows how to play me and I allowed it.
boredwithit Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Guest, he really is manipulating you. But you can stop this right now. It seems to me that he is only interested in seeing you on HIS terms. He probably enjoyed seeing you make a fool of yourself although it panicked him. You are far too emotional and needy for him now, so he won't call you whilst you are in this state. Hw will make you wait a while until you have calmed down and then you will be so relieved and overwhelmed to see him that you will be back to your submissive self. If you become emotional again he will leave you high and dry--he is training you to behave the way he wants. I might be wrong, but he doesn't want to finish the affair; he just wants you to accept that that is all he will ever give you. I don't think he would go to the internet cafe if he was trying to avoid you, period--ony when you wanted to talk (which clearly he doesn't) The best easter present you can give him if he calls, is to calmly say that you have been thinking and you don't want this and can he stop contacting you. That will be a smack in the eye for him, but he sounds like a real low life and hopefully you can see that for yourself now.
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